Should others accomodate your special needs?

[echolocation]

Post removed at request of member - Kizzie

[Three Roses]

I think it would depend on the trigger. Is it as common as, say, sidewalks or is it something easily avoided? If everyone knows you're afraid of clowns but schedules a group activity at the circus, expecting you to just "deal", I'd call that insensitive.

Even if it's something common but they don't even make an effort to accommodate you, that would be a red flag for me.

[Three Roses]

I'd say your gut reaction is right! People who say "get over it" are either insensitive or ignorant. "Oh, just forget about it? Gee, why didn't I think of that? Thanks, you've saved me a bundle in therapy!"

Puh-leeze.

[theaquarist]

I just had a big fight with my GF about this, I was blamed for "making her accommodate/ mitigate" me or that she has to walk on egg shells around me.
It was hard to hear. I have triggers that I've been upfront and serious about when I explain to my current and past partners. One big one that is always violated, intentionally or not, is that I cannot be corned physically. I will get anxious and I will get jumpy, that if I am touched without permission in a corner... I will react to protect myself.
I have been wondering your same question and feel so much confusion. I really need to work on my triggers like this one. I don't know what to do to get her to understand, or my dad or anyone else I've talked to about it. It doesn't make enough sense to me that a clear boundary like this one can be so easily crossed and I have to keep bringing up, to which I always get a blank response like I'm being discounted.
I'm having a hard time with it as well. Any other replies of help would be good for me too.
Hang in there. Our boundaries are important.

[Three Roses]

Ugh. Ignorance.

First, here's a link for handling triggers:
http://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm from good ol' Pete.

Secondly, I'd suggest to you and anyone else who feels ashamed of not being more in control of their emotions to listen to Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk's book, "The Body Keeps The Score", in audio version on YouTube (part 1 https://youtu.be/Q9Nlrtq4mi4 , part 2 https://youtu.be/iEqDQB6FneU).  The damage we suffered, whether physical, mental, or whatever, has resulted in physical damage to some parts of the brain, and also in important developmental milestones being interrupted, delayed or missed completely.

It's not you - it's what happened to you.

[Three Roses]

Whoops, I'm sorry. Those are links to an audiobook version on YouTube. It was easy to listen to tho, well narrated. Listened while I did housework

[Dutch Uncle]

I found myself feeling uneasy around this recent person and traced the origin of the uneasiness back to those who were abusive to me in the past.  I shared my diagnosis with this person and my rationale for feeling triggered, however this person either doesn't understand how C-PTSD works or just doesn't care enough to modify their behavior.

I might be wrong, but possibly this person acts out the same abusive behavior you have encountered in the past.
If so, then it's not your past experiences that cause you unease, but the abusive behavior itself.

To explain a bit better what I mean I want to draw an analogy:
If you have tripped and fallen in the pavement, you may well have bruises that are very sensitive and the slightest tough may cause great pain. This is a past event that in the present 'triggers' pain.
However, if after a long time, when the bruises are gone, you trip and fall again, and you are in great pain, then it's not because you have fallen two years before. Then you're simply in pain because you fell. The past has then nothing to do with your present pain. Even though you might also get reminded of the time you fell two years ago.

Basically their attitude is that I need to grow beyond it - as if I'm somehow emotionally immature for not being completely over it.  Or I should be more forgiving.  Or they will ask me how I was responsible for what happened to me.  Or that I'm overthinking it.  Or that if the people who abused me were out of control, that I need to let it go and move on to something better.  Also in having the courage to open up about having C-PTSD (something that is awkward in the beginning), they suggested that they are only getting one side of the story by only talking to me.  Sure - that may be true, but isn't it also besides the point when having the courage to open up about such a thing?

So what if they only are getting one side of the story? Isn't that enough? It's not that they are a presiding judge who have to 'figure it out'. They could simply listen to your story.
All the other things you mention they say: to me it sounds they just don't want to deal with it. And thus they won't and will reflect it all back on you. It's possibly better not to share these things with them, they are and will not get supportive, if only for being a listening ear.

They are aware that I am in therapy and engaged in other treatment options as well.  Their response is to go to therapy or seek a support group to get help.  To unpack my baggage.  I feel that I am being as open and transparent about this however I just don't think they are getting it.

I recently had something just like this. I needed "to get help" etc. Fact is, I'm looking for, and getting, a lot of help. In and from this community for example. By learning on what dissociation is and how to cope wit it. For learning about emotional and narcissistic abuse, and learning new skills on how to cope with my past abuse, and how to prevent it happening in the now. By going No Contact for example. That going No Contact causes additional stress (as my abusers are not so willing to let go of me, abuse me even more and more blatantly, and I now call out the abuse, tell about it to my friends for example) annoys them, and they are actually opposing me doing so. They rather see me "getting help".
I've tried to tell them, explain them, it's a process. It's not like I can flip a switch. They would like it to being flipping a switch, and believe me: if I could flip a switch I would like that even more than they do.
But I have to change a whole switchboard...

To return to your original question: "Should others who you have a personal relationship with ever accommodate you?"
In a way: Yes. I they can't or won't, it will be detrimental to the relationship. That does not make them, or you, a 'bad' person, but it makes for a relationship that is not satisfying anymore, or at least that part of the relationship is not satisfying at the moment.
Perhaps (quite possibly) there are still other areas where the relationship is still satisfying. And I do think that of they want to keep the 'good bits', they really do have to take into account your triggers. It may take some effort on their side. And it's (also) up to them to decide to put the effort in. Or not.

[Wife#2]

Oh, Echo, I'm sorry you're feeling unsure of yourself right now!

These emotions you're having sound an awful lot like red flags waiving at you. If your partner would minimize your experiences now, how much more so when you're more serious and leaving is more difficult? People tend to show us their BEST selves while dating. They tend to relax and show their true selves once a commitment has been made. Listen to who he's telling you he is.

The term that comes to my mind is emotional bully. Don't feel what YOU feel, feel what makes ME the most comfortable! If you can't, then something is wrong with you!  *** Sorry, that is BS and I don't buy it anymore. You are allowed your feelings and the expression of them. No, they don't have to agree with you, but they should at least be capable of acknowledging the legitimacy of your feelings!

I think this is at the base of a lot of the hurtful statements people make. They're uncomfortable talking about things that are sad or bad. When we put them in the position of HAVING to deal with the sad and bad that has happened to us, they want us to stop, drop it and move on ~ so THEY don't have to deal with it.

To your original question - absolutely they should be willing to accommodate you regarding triggering behavior - if it is within their power to do so.

My H is also c-PTSD - we both do. Because I love him, I make the accommodations I can. I would do that even if he didn't have uc-PTSD. Because he's someone I love! Would you tell your partner to get over being sad on April 23rd because 15 years ago, his baby sister died in an accident on that day? Of course not! You'd see April 23rd rolling around and try to plan a trip to the graveside if that was his tradition before you met. You would ACCOMMODATE his needs related to something that happened before you met, right? You'd do it because of the love you felt for that other person. Even if it made you sad, too, knowing your partner was sad.

Think of it another way - Just for grins, let's pretend that your partner is triggered by deep blue eyes, like his Mom had. Your eyes are hazel, but you like to wear colored contacts. You get lots of compliments from others when you wear the blue ones, but then you come home and your partner takes one look and has to walk away - he's triggered. That would be insensitive, wouldn't it? So, to show your partner you understand, you throw away the blue ones, with him watching. That would be accommodating right? Which would you be more likely to do in this example? Keep wearing them and tell him he's ridiculous and needs to get over his EFs related to blue eyes OR throw them away for the sake of your partner's happiness?

You have every right to feel what you feel. You shouldn't have to suffer emotional abuse (yes, emotional abuse) from a supposed love one for asking him to change the changeable behavior. Things he can't change, like the timbre of his voice, you'll either have to learn to cope or move on from him. If there is genuine, lasting love there, the changes should at least be agreed to, even if they can't be made right away.   

[Three Roses]

Have you ever watched any Spartan Life Coach on YouTube?