Emotional Self-regulation

[Kizzie]

One of the six main symptoms of Complex PTSD is a change in our ability to regulate our emotions (and even to identify them in some cases).   

Definition: Self-regulation is the ability to modify our emotions and impulses.

Description: Self-regulation skills let us become aware of our emotions and our responses to people and situations, and they let us change those as needed. They enable us to control our impulses long enough so we can consider the possible consequences of our actions or come up with alternative actions that would be more appropriate. We become able to do something (that we don't really want to do) and also to stop doing something (that we'd really like to do). Self-regulation can also apply to cognitive functions, such as remembering to pay attention.

We're able to exert this control no matter who is or isn't watching. Self-regulated children are self-disciplined even if the teacher is looking the other way. For this reason, self-regulation is not at all the same thing as obedience or docility. It is something we do for ourselves. We're in charge, not people around us who try to exert control.

What it feels like:

Being able to self-regulate enhances our well-being and makes us better able to deal with problems. We become able to control our fits or rage or despair, to take action that's honest and in line with our values, and to work well with all kinds of people in all kinds of situations. Our goals, our responses, and our modes of expression begin to match up.

What not to do:

- Don't beat yourself up if you're less able to self-regulate. If you have CPTSD, a lessened ability to self-regulate is a part of your injury. It's not automatically a fault of character or a weakness.
- Don't lose patience with yourself. Learning how to self-regulate takes time.
- Don't drive yourself too hard. When you're learning to become more aware of your emotions, listen to your instincts when they tell you that you'd best ease off for a while

What to do:

- Gradually and gently become more aware of your emotions and inner states, for example by journaling or practicing mindfulness.
- Learn to remain present to your emotions without judging them harshly. (LINK TO TOXIC SHAMING? OR TO SELF-COMPASSION? OR BOTH?)
- Learn how to choose which situations and/or people you engage with, and how to modify situations and people that trigger a strong negative emotional reaction. Ways of modifying situations are taking a time-out, using conversation-stoppers on difficult topics, or practicing Medium Chill (LINK).
- When evaluating an emotional event, learn to take a step back and see things as if you were an independent third-person observer. This might also prove helpful to some people during difficult events.
- Try out some of the methods that commonly help reduce stress and improve self-regulation. Exercize reduces both emotional distress and the physiological effects of negative emotions, and it improves emotional control. Other things you might give a try are mindful deep breathing, purposely relaxing your body, visualizations, or creative ways of self-expression such as painting or journaling.

Sources:
http://www.toolsofthemind.org/philosophy/self-regulation/
http://www.change-management-coach.com/self-regulation.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_self-regulation

[schrödinger's cat]

Shorter version:

Self-regulation skills let us
-- become aware of our responses to people and situations;
-- control our impulses for long enough so we can consider the possible consequences of our actions and/or come up with better alternatives;
-- pursue a course of action even if it means doing something we dislike (e.g. tidying up, paying attention to a boring but informative speech, setting healthy boundaries,...) and/or not doing something pleasant.
Being able to self-regulate makes us better at dealing with problems. We become able to control our fits or rage or despair, to take action that's in line with our values, and to work with all kinds of people in all kinds of situations.

If you have CPTSD, a lessened ability to self-regulate is a part of your injury. Learning how to self-regulate is possible, but it will take time. Educating yourself about emotional flashbacks and learning how to manage them (LINK TO "13 STEPS") will gradually help you to self-regulate more efficiently. Another thing you could do is try and  see which people and situations leave you stressed out, and which ways (if any) there are to change that. Things that are commonly said to improve self-regulation are journaling, creative ways of self-expression, mindfulness meditation, exercize, deep breathing, purposely relaxing your body, or visualizations. Both mindfulness meditation (LINK) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (LINK) offer ways of teaching yourself to think about your experiences and inner states as if you were an independent, third-party observer. Keep in mind that
-- baby steps are best, since taking on too much at once might leave you drained (and therefore more vulnerable to emotional flashbacks);
-- if you're starting to connect to strong, traumatic emotions, it's often perfectly reasonable to walk away until things have cooled down (LINK TO TITRATION).

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Better? ... Phew. I want a cookie now.

[Butterfly]

Actually in a this case shorter might not be better, I found the information enlightening and informative, quite useful. Thanks! The links are good too, I need to check the toolbox to see if these are attached as pdf as well for easy printing. This is a one I'd print.

[Butterfly]

This - how to - very useful from Wikipedia. Three step approach. This is what my therapist sent me home with to practice!

In the moments before the examination, situational stress levels were raised in both groups from what they were in quiet states. In the experimental group, participants engaged in three self-regulating techniques (concentration on respiration, general body relaxation, and the creation of a mental image of successfully passing the examination).

ETA - This is in the last paragraph of the first draft above. Love it!

[schrödinger's cat]

Thanks Butterfly, glad you like it.

Maybe this is just me being undercaffeinated, but what three step approach and first draft do you mean? I can't find a link to it in your post, and what you said about it made me very curious and wanting to find out more.

[Butterfly]

-  deep breathing, purposely relaxing your body, visualizations,

I read visualization so as grounding and mindfulness. Maybe I got that wrong but it's the same as what the therapist said this week and is really helping. All day. Really good stuff.

[schrödinger's cat]

Ah okay, I get it now. Thanks.

[Katarina]

Kizzie this is bang on where I am struggling these days. Thank you for this.

[Kizzie]

Much as I'd like to take credit for it  that's Cat's excellent writing.  And speaking of which I just realized Cat that I haven't included this in the Glossary yet so will do so.  Sorry about that 

[marycontrary]

Thanks to both of you....

[Roadie]

Does self-regulation have anything to do with controlling one's thoughts?  Shutting down the racing thoughts, etc.?