trying something new; progress or kidding myself?

[tired]

background:  i'm a fitness trainer; very part time right now, maybe 5-10 hours a week at best. i've never supported myself.still have a kid at home. history of abuse and just had major drama with mom/nc.  so i have issues with men, and also not feeling great at the moment.

in the past i've tried training men and it's been bad. not horrible but i don't like it.   but on the other hand female clients in the past have been a mixed bag. basically i wasn't doing well at anything. lately it's been great and i have all female clients who seem to like me. i only take on clients who seem to be motivated enough and i don't chase people.  it's not like i say no to people; they just fizzle out and i let it go.

anyway i got a request from a man who apparently is a business executive and seemed like a regular guy.  i quoted 80/hour which is pretty much higher than i've quoted anyone recently and i figured he'd ignore me and move on to someone cheaper.  but he called. he wanted after work times which is typical/understandable but the only time i have is 7pm which seems late to me. i got a little distracted for some reason over the phone and instead of setting up a time to have a free consultation i let him chat a bit.  i had this idea that men just don't feel like doing the consultation and really want to go ahead and train and not get fussy about it.  so i felt like maybe he wouldn't agree to it.  i ended up saying let me email you back later.

so i emailed and offered him time to meet for the consultation.  i guess i am hoping he gets annoyed with me and goes with someone else.  i don't like people who treat me like hired help and don't care who i am.  it's not personal but i do get to choose who i work with and sometimes i can't train certain people because of whatever physical issues they have. 

my thought is that i'm too anxious about this and shouldn't work with men. but then again i'm anxious with everyone so i have to get used to it. i have to make a living.

[tired]

I don't know why I considered it . I'm sure there are enough women that I don't need to branch out and anyway the reality is that women's bodies are different. So for the same reason I would not train a football player I don't need to train male  clients. 

I feel stupid that I have this problem. That men cause me anxiety.  I want to not care and get over it.