Hey Guys

[KayFly]

Hi OOTS Community,

I recently needed a break from the community, but was finding it hard to just break away, and I deleted my account, in my black and white thinking, and lost my "Sr. Member" title. Haha. So now I am a newbie.

I felt guilty like I had abandon the people on this site, but now I see I can just take a break and use this site when and how I need.  I am in school full time and just got a new job. I am also going through therapy of different kinds, lots of processing work and grieving.

I am trying to nurture my healthy relationships IRL so it is hard to find time to be on here right now and to be honest I felt effected by the distrusting attitudes of certain members on here. I am working really hard to build even the slightest bit of trust again for the people that care for me, but I think I was listening to the wrong advice and that led me to make destructive decisions that I later had to mend after I closed my account here. I realize this is my own problem. I am accountable for my decisions and my mistakes. And those mistakes are my teachers. So I am grateful for this learning experience.

I don't want to loose that community which loves and cares for me IRL or on here. It means the world to me to have the people in my life that love me and care for me.  I'm tired of loosing people that I love.

So I am back on here but I won't be posting or reading as much, and maybe when I get a break from school or work, I can spend some time and share what I have been learning and see what's going on with my peeps here. I'm glad to see at least my posts are still up.

I hope you all are working toward recovery if not already working in recovery or are well into it. That was a weird sentence but whatever. I hope you all are doing okay and continue to ask for help here, and share what you know because there is a lot of insight, strength, and good energy amongst members here and I have so much love for this community for that reason.

Best,

K

[woodsgnome]

Hi, newbie  

Breaks are great. What happens sometimes is we're in a hurry to get there, sense we're making progress, and want the answers that seem so close; and then panic when they elude our grasp again.

Plus there's the comfort of being able to connect with others who get it. It's also really cool to lend a helping word or 2 or 50 when needed and one feels they can. The confidence game is huge for me--can I really do this...I always fear being misunderstood (I love the edit button!), or that it doesn't matter what I think, period. I've sensed that you struggle with this, too.

So it's good to see you've had a chance to mellow a bit, see where your recovery needs are, and show up here again. Your spirited presence was important, and missed when you weren't around recently. It seems key, now, to pick out a surer pace, one that feels right for you. Based on what you've shown and shared here before, you'll figure where and when to fit in. It's never easy, is it? But all we can do is carry on.

Welcome back! 

[arpy1]

hey Kayfly, just to say, whatever level feels right for you is right. we're here for you and aren't going away, so just be around as suits you and your needs and your recovery.  think you're great, and always value what you say, btw. 

sending you loads of loving thoughts and support as always

[Indigochild]

Hi KayFly,
Im so glad i just found this. So now i can reply to you.
I just wanted to let you know that I hope you are ok and i hope the breaks are doing you good.
Also, I wanted to reply to your message...but I found you had deleeted your account, so thats why i didnt reply.
Thankyou for your most recent message.
I really hope everything goes well for you and that everything is helpful.
Best wishes, and see you around.
Indigo

[I like vanilla]

Hi KayFly,

Thank you for checking in. When on the board I had thought every once in a while 'I hope KayFly is doing well' and sent good energy thoughts your way. I know you got a couple of rough responses on earlier postings but also knew you had school work to handle. So, I suspected you were working on things IRL. It is good to hear that you are concentrating on your studies and your real life relationships. It's good to hear you are OK.

From my perspective you (I/we) never need to feel guilty for practising self care and taking time to do what needs doing in our lives and for ourselves. I think it is awesome that you are focusing on yourself and your needs and wants. I think it is also great that you are working to find balance between the different aspects of your life, real and online, school and rest, relationships with others and self. This seems very wise to me.

I think (and was told when I signed up) that on this forum people do go away and come back. Sometimes self care means taking a break and self care is always a great choice to make. As arpy1 noted, whatever level of participation works for you is the right level of participation. I am sure everyone here will continue to hold good wishes for you at whatever level you are able to participate (including taking breaks). I know I will send good energy thoughts your way either way.