Dirty House

[Cocobird]

My house is getting worse. I have bad asthma, so I can only do a little at a time. But even then -- I think about what I can do, and don't do it. I'm very critical of myself, and then realize that it could be a symptom. Anyone else have this problem?

Thanks -- Sue

[tired]

All the time. Every day.  Every minute.

What works:  I go to my room, turn down the lights, and turn on Netflix, which is my comfort space. Then I start writing a list of all the things I wish I could do but can't. I make a huge list.  Then I go back to each item one at a time and realistically, and nonemotionally, jot down how long that task would take me if I did it.  Then I keep that list and use it in different ways. For example, I might decide I will only tackle very short tasks.  And only one. Then another one maybe.  Or I might set aside tasks that aren't as important for some reason.  I actually have a bunch of tricks along these lines but I won't bore you with it. Short answer: YES.

[Dyess]

My house is terrible. very cluttered and I know that hurts when trying to clean. A lot of it is Dad's stuff that I still haven't gone through. When I get back from vacation I really want to work on getting the clutter out and then it will be easier to clean, for me anyway. House cleaning has never been my top priority.
But with your health conditions you really need to get some help in there to get it clean and then maybe you can take care of it from there. Get an air purifier also. That eats a lot of my dust, not all of it, but some.

[tired]

At one point in my life I hired two women who did cleaning.  They were fantastic-they not only cleaned but they took all my junk. They separated it and donated/trashed/recycled when appropriate. They helped me decide and they did it in a way that was firm but respectful the way I would imagine family would.  They came in two suvs and hauled away two loads and came back a year later when somehow I had the same amount of crap.  How that happened I have no idea. It's like it starts breeding. 

I'm pretty good at organizing but getting rid of stuff is a lot of physical work.  At one point I had a friend who lived in an apartment and I took things to her dumpster.  I did throw away usable items, which makes me feel terrible, but it was something I did to survive in my mind.  I tried to mostly leave things next to the dumpster so people could take it.  I could have take it to the salvation army but I have severe social anxiety. 

[Dyess]

I'm with you tired. It's hard to part with usable things. My mom hoards  for that big yard sale she is going to have one day Looks like I am getting close to following her actions. I have no storage at my house, no garage, no basement or attic. Just a small storage room off the deck. But I do need to de-clutter.

[Cocobird]

Thanks for the suggestions -- good to know that I'm not alone. Unfortunately, I'm living on Social Security and can't afford to have someone come in and clean. I made some progress today.

I'm just so tired all the time.

[Dyess]

Well you made a little progress. A little progress each day and you will start seeing a change. Put on some music that motivates you, have some coffee Baby steps my friend, baby steps

[arpy1]

cocobird, i am with you. my house gets to unbearable with alarming regularity and it becomes such a huge problem in my head.    i just have trouble getting my head round doing anything, and if i can manage to get up and showered and dressed some days i think i've done well. not beating myself up about it is key.

what helps me is to bitesize everything. this is a strategy that helps me in loads of areas, not just housework. 

i think, for instance, o no, the washing! there must be 20 loads in that wash bin.  i'll never cope. and i get in a panic.
so what i do is decide: today i will do a pale load. and i will hang it on the airer. and that is all i try to do that day.
and becos i did that, the next day, i might think, ok. i did that, well done me. today, i think i'll do a wool load. and i will hang it on the airer.
so i do that. well done me. (and of course, becos i used the airer yesterday, i have to fold the dry stuff. even if i don't manage to put it all away...)

within a few days, i have an empty wash bin. and i feel proud of myself too. (and i have clean clothes to put on, added bonus.)

reading this, it all sounds pretty pathetic but honestly, it's the only way i cope. oh, and also i reward myself... Well done, arpy1, you can sit and have a cup of coffee now you've done that. etc. 

over the course of a couple of weeks i can bitesize all the main jobs i needed to do. and then i rest on my laurels. till it gets unbearable again. 

also, call me crazy, i have to say this. i have come to believe after raising a couple of kids, that there is a portal to the fifth dimension in the bottom of my washbin.  through it come all the odd socks and broken buttons from that other universe.... there is also a portal at the back of each cupboard, where all sorts of junk that i am certain i have never owned enters into our universe....  then i am the one who has to sort all that stuff out and get rid of it.     does that sound like justice, i ask?? 

   good luck, cocobird, and don't skimp on the rewards.   

[Dutch Uncle]

also, call me crazy, i have to say this. i have come to believe after raising a couple of kids, that there is a portal to the fifth dimension in the bottom of my washbin.  through it come all the odd socks and broken buttons from that other universe...

Ah! So that's where my socks and buttons go! I have a whole heap of orphaned socks here. Have the other halves turned up in your place?


and an excellent strategy you have, arpy1. I suffer from the same cycle of "doing it peace meal", getting a clean house, and having it fall into chaos again.
I've read on a site somewhere that CHAOS stands for "Can't Have Anyone Over Soon" to describe my house at those moments.
Made me laugh. Cuz it's true. 

[arpy1]

so, all these years...it was you!!

yes, a big parcel is on it's way to you, with all your missing socks and buttons.... stop sending them at once.. the fashion for wearing odd sox died out a decade ago....

yeah, CHAOS, i love that!     i'm gonna make a sign and hang it on my wall.

[KayFly]

Cockburn,

I also have asthma and a tendency to be really hard on myself. Having a dirty house might be contributing to asthma, with the dust factors. And the anxiety might be making it worse too.

My doctor just had a talk with me about getting rid of dust, washing blankets, putting allergy covers on my pillows/matress and such. Even getting the carpets cleaned.

Could you afford to pay someone to go through and clean it really well? You need it for your health. Or maybe just did what you can in little bits? Try congratulating yourself after each little bit you do. Be proud of powering through it. Do you have inhalers to help you?

Take Care

[woodsgnome]

So I just had a cat-chat with my feline, who I'm supposedly allergic to, but I've lived with furry beings so much now, maybe I've developed some sort of homeopathic resistance.

Anyway, living in a house full of books (dust magnets!) and Mystic the cat (older he gets more he sheds), plus asthma paired with an aversion to cleaning, I've figured out a couple approaches that help, if not eliminate the natural dust collector bin also known as my house.

The cat? Well, do the best I can. The dust--while cleaning, I might well don one of those little thin masks used by construction workers for avoiding all the dust blowbacks in their jobs. They're usually thin, white, and slip over the head. Drug and hardware stores sell them in multi-packs, as they're best suited to one-time uses.

They're also good for cold weather walks to avoid the arctic intakes that can shock your system into asthmatic response. Along that line, there's more expensive versions specifically geared to that purpose. If you wear glasses, though, they tend to leak out the sides and fog over the lenses. Oh well, all one needs to do is choose between breathing or seeing, eh?

Inside, it helps if you can procure a good HEPA-filter air cleaner. I think Trace also mentioned this. There again, the marketplace is tricky to wade through...the best ones can be super-expensive, and you need to check and see how much square footage they cover. Some are better in bedrooms, some more suited to large areas. And their fans can be super-noisy, but some use a newer heat-light technology that's almost noiseless.

There's a lot of them, so it helps to search for what's out there, but on web searches one has to be careful for ones which are just "covers" for specific brands. Gads, it's awful to have to be so careful; maybe that's a good result of cptsd symptoms--be careful!

So here's just one site that might help in the air cleaner end:

http://www.allergybuyersclub.com/asthma-air-purifiers.html.

It does give an idea of what's out there, and if one needs a good shock therapy, take a look at the prices. But at least there are some that might be helpful.

Best to you with this--if it's really bad, try the cheap air masks (just remember to take 'em off when near a cash register in a store!).

[tired]

I barter for help.  I've also had help from a book club I joined once. I didn't even know the people (a friend dragged me into it) but when it was my turn I admitted my house was a shambles. So one day they all came over and cleaned the living room.  I don't know them well enough to say if they do this kind of thing all the time but it seemed like it. 

[KayFly]

I am so sorry. My autocorrect on my tablet put in Cockburn instead of CocoBird. I could just fix it but it was too funny.

[tired]

Just to get back to your question though-I am self critical.  And to be honest asking for help was very humiliating and I sort of regret doing it. Sure the work got done but I still feel embarrassed. 

My point about the list and breaking it down is to make it less personal and emotional so instead of looking at all the crap I have I can look at a bunch of words on a piece of paper.  It's less of an emotional trigger. Then I can turn that list into numbers like 15 minutes, 2 hours, etc. and numbers are even less of a trigger than words.  It helps a little.  It makes me take on the role of some kind of weird mathematician or project manager.  Of course when I go back to actually cleaning it up I'm suddenly me again.

Right now my house is out of control and I don't know how it got this way so quickly. I thought it was perfect two days ago. It's like I walk into a room and it turns into a mess.  I can boil an egg and it looks like Julia Child has been hosting a cooking class in my kitchen. That's how much mess I create.

You mentioned asthma and I tend to get joint pain that limits my ability to pick up. It's not that I can't do it at all but I somehow don't feel like I can do a lot at a time. I can't say I have horrible pain but it's just enough to make me not feel comfortable. And I think that's where the shame comes in. Why can't I just overcome it long enough to pick up? If I can tolerate it for 5 minutes, why not 10 or 20, and pick the towels up off the floor?  When you have a physical problem that is chronic and is some days worse than others it's easier to go down that road.