From anxious to jealous

[8888]

I am a clergy abuse survivor.  I used to fear religion.  However recently an acquaintance how she really enjoyed church that morning.  Instead of being fearful or uncomfortable I felt jealous.  Jealous that I grew up with such a negative experience with religion.  While still feeling happy for her.  Jealously isn't great but it's made me realize I've made a lot of progress and for that I am grateful.  Also if it comes up I want to tell her I am a survivor.  Speaking out has really been helping me lately too.

[NarcKiddo]

I think it is completely understandable that you would have had that reaction. Feeling the jealousy could maybe be about grief that you were deprived of something that brings great comfort to so many. I am not religious myself but I know people who derive great support and comfort from their religion and it is lovely that they do. It's good that you felt happy for your friend being able to enjoy her religious experience even though you were sad that you have not been able to have that thus far in your life.

I'm really happy you recognise your progress and that speaking out has been helping you.

[Kizzie]

If religion is something you felt positive about and then abuse took that away I can certainly see why you would feel jealous, it's a loss.  As survivors we deal with a lot of loss and it's just plain difficult. Also, having mixed feelings is a bit unsettling - jealousy for what your friend got from going to church and happy for her at the same time.   

Good for you for speaking out more, happy to hear it has helped you rather than been a trial.   

[8888]

Thank you both, that makes a lot of sense.