hopeful for progress

[sanmagic7]

i thought hard about what i wanted to call this journal's journey.  w/ my new T being promising, i am hopeful that some progress is going to be made.  there's been so much in my life, layers upon layers of trauma from so many different, and some were completely unexpected, people, besides my alexithymia which has helped me in a lot of ways to accomplish all that i did, but stunted me in a lot of ways as well, and my dissociation, EF's, and my other personality, the gray lady, who has helped me endure some very frightening and painful situations.

then there were, as someone reminded me, a lot of financial fears for many, many years, as well as my D's cancer, anxiety, breakdowns, etc. that i've needed to contend with while trying to heal that i haven't gotten as far along this path as i've wanted to.  each new trauma set me back weeks and months at a time.  it's really difficult to make progress when wondering and worrying if we'll be able to pay next month's rent, how getting older is affecting me, and more losses to contend with as well as the state of the country and how that can often ramp up my anxiety.

thank everything good that i do not have debilitating physical problems.  so far, for whatever reason, my body has held up reasonable well.  little twinges every so often in my left knee, so i know arthritis is knocking at my door there, but otherwise, well, being forgetful is creeping in more and more, and that's often annoying, i'm ok.

so, here's to having hope.  that would be nice.

[zen_racer]

I am hopeful with you, SanMagic. I haven't known all this, and I'm sorry you've had so much to contend with. And since I'm also starting with a new therapist that seems better, I'm also hopeful for my own progress.

I know how stressful it is having financial struggles for years. I'm glad you don't have any major physical issues. I've had quite a few significant injuries from a job that took advantage and pushed me to do unsafe things over and over. I'm not sure how arthritis comes into play, but all of the joint pains I've ever had that weren't from a broken bone have been taken care of with physical therapy. It is so common for muscle imbalances to pull a joint out of alignment and cause the pain.

Sending love and hugs, and optimistic for both of us to make progress.