EF's - so this is what they're like!

[sanmagic7]

just recently i've been able to identify being in an EF.  i only know of one i experienced because of a T nearly 10 yrs. ago, but lately i've been able to recognize several in the past few months.  i'm saying this is progress.  i've been so out of touch with myself, haven't had feelings/emotions most of my life, have been re-wiring those neural networks and it seems it's beginning to pay off.

i've also been able to identify hurt and pain from childhood that i've never felt at the time, began feeling it in a strange bodily way that no doc could diagnose, and again, the answer has come to me in the past few months.  i'm almost entirely somatic at this point, but identifying which pain belongs to which feeling/emotion is moving me along.  i don't like it at all cuz i feel miserable while i'm going thru it - it truly hurts enough that i can barely move, this latest lasted about 10 days - but i knew it was pain/hurt that i'd endured as a child, silently, never asking for nor being offered comfort. 

so, i'm considering this a success.  this time this particular physical pain also had a musty smell connected to it, which leads me to believe it's very old pain/hurt that's been rotting in my body for so many decades, and this time, first time ever, i just stunk with it, like it was being expelled thru my pores.  showers didn't make a bit of difference, either.  it was weird, but very glad to get it out of me.  and today, no more musty smell, but i'm in the midst of 2 EF's at the moment.  again, success cuz i can recognize and give it the credit it's due for the first time.  it's weird, not so wonderful, but it's showing me progress.  and, as much as i don't like it, i'm glad for it.  it can be done.

[Marcine]

Go, San! You know I am a big fan of your nuanced, honest, courageous, follow-where-it-leads-you, damn the torpedos, heartfelt process.
I am happy to hear the news of your progress and success 

[Kizzie]

it's weird, not so wonderful, but it's showing me progress.  and, as much as i don't like it, i'm glad for it.

Sorry to hear about the EFs San but I think the way you're thinking about them is spot on! Knowing when it's happening and then being able to identify why is a big (if uncomfortable) step in recovery IMO.  and   

[NarcKiddo]

Yes, I agree this is progress. Once you can identify an EF you have a much better chance of working your way out of it.