To be able to choose

[Alexandra]

Hello ; I have not read about this frustration ,of mine,  so here goes, having C-PTSD, I would like to be able to make life choices , such as choosing a safe environment , I have a low income so, I have to live where I do, the tenants are not well screened, we have people such as unmedicated psychotics , and some from homeless shelters with drug problems, I am scared of where I live, there is a shelter with 250 unmedicated psychotics, a few streets away from where I live, and do to all of the shoplifting, most products are locked up, so I am fearful  of the outside , also in order to have relationships with other people ,you have to have access to safe stable people, I have made a few nice friends, at a middle class Church, which I attend and I visit a senior center in a middle class area, so I know some people there, however, no one wants to come to where I live ,who can blame them, I would not, live here either, if I could afford to move, class has effect on coping with C-PTSD, it adds an extra stress  in my view, I feel trapped ,frustrated, and sad, having survived and escaped from a POW camp ,I was looking for a better life. Thank you Alexandra

[Blueberry]

I just want to let you know I read your post and want to validate your feelings. I don't live under the financial constraints you do, I'm able to live in a totally safe area of town and a totally safe building. For that I am very grateful and I'm really sorry you're not able to make this choice for yourself. I may not be able to do so forever, but last time I moved I was able to. Plus, my town doesn't have the depth of problems yours does, so even if I have to move to a different neighbourhood some time, I won't have all that amount of scary, triggering stuff going on day in, day out.

[Blueberry]

Just to add:

class has effect on coping with C-PTSD, it adds an extra stress  in my view, I feel trapped ,frustrated, and sad, having survived and escaped from a POW camp ,I was looking for a better life.

what is understood here on the forum is ongoing trauma, it's just that what is 'ongoing' for a lot of us may be relational rather than poverty, so the inability to leave a romantic relationship or emotional inability to go NC with traumatising FOO members (or go NC but still be affected by them, which is fairly common from what I've heard and read).

I'm not equating your situation with the 'cannot detach from traumatising persons from past or current life' but just saying sounds like an additional form of 'ongoing trauma' which makes it harder to heal. CPTSD is complex post-traumatic stress disorder, but if you're in a situation of ongoing trauma, it's not 'post' anything.

I wish you the best. I also hope somebody else in your type of situation sees your post and responds so you know you're really not alone with this.

[Alexandra]

Hello Blueberry ; A question, what do you mean by "it's not "" post "" anything." Do you mean , that only issues  about personal relationships are to be posted , if so ,I disagree ,a relationship with the environment is part of life , and  given my life  ,do trigger past trauma for me. My so-called mother was a schizophrenic, when I am on the street and a homeless unmedicated psychotic is being psychotic, it triggers me , not to mention that ,I am tired of being cursed out smacked or spit on, I had this growing with my so-called mother . I feel that anything that triggers C-PTSD, is fair game to be posted. Alexandra

[TheBigBlue]

Hi Alexandra,
I don't think Blueberry meant that only certain topics are "allowed" to be posted here. 💛

I think Blueberry is using "post" in the sense of after something is over (not about posting on the forum), meaning that when something is still ongoing, whether through relationships or the environment (like what you described), it can make healing feel harder because your system is still being activated in the present and not feeling safe.

What you describe makes a lot of sense to me. If you grew up with that kind of unpredictability and fear, then encountering similar situations now would understandably trigger your system. That doesn't make it any less valid or "fair game" to talk about here, quite the opposite.

I'm really glad you're sharing this. 💛

[Alexandra]

Hello Big blue ; Thank you for letting me know what Blueberry meant, blueberry was referring to things that happened in the past,  I miss understood.

[Alexandra]

Hello Blueberry ; Sorry about that, I miss-understood, what you meant by post. Someone once said " the past is not over ,it isn't even past ", frankly, when I escaped, the POW camp, I just wanted to walk away ,and have a new life, I did not understand, that the past would haunt me, nor would I be able to live in a stable environment, where I could feel safe., both things have been hard for me to deal with Alexandra

[TheBigBlue]

Everyone's experience and trauma is unique, but the feeling of being "haunted by the past" - or at least still affected by it - is something that many of us here on this forum resonate with.

I understand what you are describing. You are not alone here. 💛 

[Blueberry]

A question, what do you mean by "it's not "" post "" anything." Do you mean , that only issues  about personal relationships are to be posted

No, no, not at all, sorry for the misunderstanding! cptsd = complex POST-traumatic stress disorder. Which means that the stress disorder, which we all have, developed in the AFTERmath of traumatic experiences. That's the post in cptsd, and ptsd for that matter. Nothing to do with what you write and post on here.

I feel that anything that triggers C-PTSD, is fair game to be posted.

Absolutely!

Do you mean , that only issues  about personal relationships are to be posted , if so ,I disagree ,a relationship with the environment is part of life , and  given my life  ,do trigger past trauma for me.

I agree with your disagree, in fact quite a few of my 'normal' everyday triggers are not really relationship-based. I get triggered doing housework, cooking... and it's very debilitating + often not understood.

I see that TheBigBlue already corrected my poorly worded post, thanks TheBigBlue, but with such a grevious misunderstanding, I wanted to write and confirm what TBB understood.

I did not understand, that the past would haunt me, nor would I be able to live in a stable environment, where I could feel safe., both things have been hard for me to deal with

I'm really sorry that it's so hard for you! I hope given time on here, on the forum, that it gets a bit better for you. Even 5% improvement is better than 20% worse.
 

[Kizzie]

Hi Alexandra - Just wanted to let you know why I moved this; that is, it's not a post introducing yourself. Once members have introduced themselves then they move on to other sections of the board where their posts fit best.

No worries about this, it's can take a bit to find you way around the board!

 

[Alexandra]

Hello Kizzie ; I understand you moved my post, where would I find it, now? This is the first time, I have done posting on message boards , so yes, it will take me a bit of time to "learn the ropes " Thank you

[Alexandra]

Hello Kizzie; I found where my post is now, thanks

[Alexandra]

Hello ; Thanks for telling me you have trouble doing housework, so do I ,doing  laundry , in particular makes me very anxious, so I do housework and laundry first thing in the morning, to get it over with. Another issue I have is appointments where I have to give another person control,such as, a  Doctor's appointment, it takes so much self discipline,to go, that when I get home, I am exhausted, and take a nap, just calling to make the appointment makes me anxious. Frankly, I do not like being a human being, it has been such an awful experience for me,