This Has Nothing to Do with CPTSD

[SenseOrgan]

Pain serves a purpose. It demands our attention where it's needed. Since the wounds of so many of us are so deep and so old, it can feel like all of life is about trauma. That nothing escapes it. It very much used to be like this for me, and I don't think there is a switch that can be flipped to change that. Trauma is not a choice. I'm not here to invalidate, or to blame the victim. I just feel like emphasizing something we may collectively tend to overlook a bit, because we're so dedicated to getting out of the storm.

I am not my trauma. Other aspects of who I am need time and attention too, in order to grow and develop a more rounded sense of identity. And enjoying things for the sake of enjoying them is valid enough, and wonderfully subversive to a traumatized mind as well.

Between "what we resist persists", and "what we pay attention to grows", is a sweet spot, I believe. Sometimes it means being with very difficult emotions, and sometimes it means being involved with things that have nothing to do with trauma. The latter can be more therapeutic than a heavy therapy session, IMHO. Working hard to heal, or to recover, can be too much of a constructive thing too, I think. As a side effect, it reinforces the old, like an ironic feedback loop.

I think it would be nice to have a place where we share a little bit about things that have nothing to do with trauma, or struggling, or healing. Not even as a victory so much [which it nonetheless is]. Just because we like it. Because it sparks joy, as Marie Kondo would say. I don't know if you're up for this, but please pitch in!



A few months ago I got hooked to a style of music that's new to me. It's so full of energy and positivity, I just can't get enough of it. I've even found myself spontaneously dancing to it, which is very out of character for me. It's called Afro house/Afro-tech, and one of the big names in this [South African] scene is Shimza. The man is on fire behind the decks, oozing passion for these vibes from every pore. 


Shimza at U'R
Be careful, the intro is very loud!

Shimza & Maline Aura - Citadelle

[Kizzie]

I hear you when you say we are not our trauma SO. I could not agree more although having been here since the beginning what I notice is that new(er) members seem need to immerse themselves in all things trauma and then over time they will start to take breaks (which I found to be essential, like working out really hard over a week and then taking a body break for a few days), step back and stop posting quite as much.

I like the idea of having a thread where we can start to talk about the things we enjoy that have nothing to do with trauma   

As I have recovered and am so much more stable and regulated I have stepped away talking about my trauma to working on projects about trauma. I really enjoy doing so and get some of that "post-trauma joy" you've mentioned from advocating and giving back.

My H and I (both retired) also like to go on short trips in and around the Rocky mountains - the scenery is amazing and never fails to fill me with delight and amazement. We'll be heading away for three weeks in April-May and I am so looking forward to it. Some nice scenery shots here - https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/uk/lifestyle/travel/a29446485/rocky-mountains/

I also love crafts and hadn't done any for quite some time because I was immersed in all things trauma, but now I am building little BookNooks - https://www.indigo.ca/en-ca/search?q=book%20nook%20kit%20canada (so cute!), and learning needlefelting - https://canada.michaels.com/shop/yarn-needlework/shop-all-needlework/felting.

When I had cancer back in 2007 there was a poster where I went for my chemo that read "I am not my cancer" and I loved it.  It reminded me that I had a life beyond all that I was dealing with and that this was only part of my life.  As you say, "I am not my trauma" either and it has been quite freeing in an important way. In the beginning though I really did need to talk, ready, post, do therapy, etc., but now at last there is room for things I enjoy.   

[Marcine]

Hi friends,
SO, I love that you opened this topic!

Today I enjoyed my favorite pastime which over and over has saved me: time in wilderness.

I hiked around a high-elevation lake with two of my kids on an exceptionally gorgeous, unusually warm spring day. Patches of snow remained on the ridges and the lake was filled with clear, fresh snowmelt.

I swam and it was exhilarating in the near-freezing water and warm sun.

The sensory delights in nature with loved ones made for a special day.

Keeping perspective on what is truly important has been my salvation.

Plus, I never identify my true self with the trauma I had to endure. That is not "mine".

I freely claim MY joy and MY authentic self— living, learning, and loving.

[SenseOrgan]

Kizzie
Thank you for moving this thread! I love that you've reached the point where your own challenging past has transformed into offering so much to people who are where you once were. And the post-traumatic joy in that!

My goodness the Rocky mountains are stunning! It really has me craving the mountains, since my country is as flat as a pancake.


Marcine
Wow. Just wow! That sounds like heaven to me.

Thanks much for sharing that Kizzie and Marcine. I'm smiling ear to ear with vicarious joy.



I unexpectedly came up with a recipe I really like. The enjoyment of the process and the end result compete for poll position. Grating a raw turnip with a cheese slicer was the highlight of my culinary adventure today. It's crunchy freshness is hard to beat. A bit of leftover garlicky cream cheese combined with cooked leeks and smoked salmon landed on a bed of pasta. Since I wasn't thinking and just went with the flow, I added two chopped up zucchini's I briefly dipped into boiling water. I topped it off with a few twists of pepper, and a splash of olive oil. Yum.

 

[Marcine]

SO, your culinary adventure sounds gourmet! And Afro-house music is the bomb

Today I had a lot of pure fun! I ride recumbent cycles— 2 and 3 wheelers. Human powered, no electric motors. One of my bicycles needed a new tire. I had carefully researched and ordered it, and installed it today with a new tube, teaching my son the joys of mechanical mindfulness... Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance...
Riding the Giro on this perfect spring mountain day was bliss. The new tire felt great— solid and smooth.
Life can be good, indeed.

[Kizzie]

I just bought a e-tricycle last year Marcine and it is an absolute hoot as it has a ton of power and speed. One day last year I was shooting down the road and a fellow senior driving by gave me a big thumbs up as we passed each other. I think she saw the total happiness on my face    I can't wait to get it out this year.  Sadly we are still getting snow - Canada don't you know.

[Marcine]

Spring is coming, Kizzie!
And, yes, that happy expression is technically known as "trike grin"  
I love that you feel it!

[Kizzie]

"Trike grin" who knew lol? It absolutely captures how I feel and obviously look when I am out riding.

We (survivors) really do need things that make us smile and laugh and just feel good. 

[TheBigBlue]

SO, I really love this thread; thank you for starting it.

I'm not sure I'm quite in the "post-traumatic joy" place yet (it's only been about a year, and it's still hard to give my brain a break 😉), but I wanted to join in anyway ... and maybe also remind myself to notice moments of joy right now.

Something I genuinely enjoy is playing wheelchair table tennis. I used to play a lot of ball sports - before my mobility impairment, but hadn't played any recreational sport for about 30 years. When I found out my local rec center offered adaptive group lessons, I went a bit hesitantly at the beginning of this year ... and almost turned around before it even started.

Now, a few months in, I love it. I go twice a week for 1–2 hours, and I actually look forward to it. The coach moved me into the regular adult group lessons, and he's excellent - he still makes sure to give me specific advice (he even coached the U.S. Paralympic table tennis team  ).

I don't mind that most of the time the only person I can beat is a lovely 100-year-old Chinese lady 😊 - I'm learning a lot, and there is progress.

What I didn't expect is the feeling: when a rally really gets going, faster and faster, back and forth - there's this rush, like catching a wave or picking up speed downhill. And I notice this big grin on my face that just ... happens.

It's simple, but it feels like pure joy. 💛

[Marcine]

I am happy for your joy, BigBlue