Living As All of Me

[TheBigBlue]

 

 

[HannahOne]

NarcKiddo, ZenRacer, Sanmagic7, Ran, Marcine, TheBigBlue, thank you all for reading and commenting.

Celebrate HannahOne,come on!  Ceeeelebraaaation!!

I just had the PT come to my house. He's a man I've been working with for fifteen years. It was not scary. AND I'm going to keep making progress. I'm discharged from PT so I need some accountability, structure and most of all guidance on what to do. I'm easily injured because of my condition. I'm so happy. I am cutting some other expenses to pay for it. I'm going to meet with him every other week and see how strong I can get. I was worried I would just go back to bed once PT ended but now I've ensured I won't. And I have very good mat and stability exercises to do at home. I only have to go to the gym two days a week now because I can do these functional things at home. I guess I never thought I'd be able to afford such a thing, or have a man in my house and not be afraid, or even do exercises LOL. Take care of myself. Have the time. Never thought I'd be a human among humans doing human things humanly. I am a human being just like all the other human beings.

Lately I've been more and more disturbed about how human beings are being treated. And more and more wanting to give money or time or energy to help. Not sure yet how to do that.

The house is empty and clean. The dog is on her back on the couch, beak hanging off the cushion, all four feet in the air. It's a bright sunny day. I feel at peace. I'm savoring this feeling while it's here. All quiet inside. I'm in sync with time. I'm in this place here and now. I'm in the flow of events and happenings and all creatures great and small carrying on their lives unknowing of me, me unknowing of them. I'm middle aged. I made it here with All of Me. All looking around, taking it in. It was once just a dream, to get here and now. Now it's real. Being in sync with time is an awesome feeling.

With my last therapist I was just beginning to love who I was with her. In the room. When we ended I was unsure if or how I would be able to take it out of the room. How to love myself without her. I've been gently lightly experimenting with it. Can I look at myself with a caring gaze, and be curious about what it's like to be seen by caring eyes? A little unconditional positive regard? Can I respect myself? Can I assume good intent of myself? Can I be curious about my struggles and not panic or judge immediately? Can I assume basic worth?

Maybe. A little. Here and there. More and more.

[zen_racer]

I will respond more when I'm not at work, but     


Sounds like all great things!