strawberrycat's journal

[NarcKiddo]

Greetings to you, fellow tantrum-er. My mother could not handle mine, either. It was like the big emotions were reserved for her alone. Even the "good" ones like joy should not be over-displayed by anyone other than her. But anger? Wow. I wonder if your mother has difficulty with her own anger. Just because people engage in anger displays (my mother does) does not mean they are comfortable with it. And if people don't know what to do with their own anger they can really struggle with the anger of others.

 

[Desert Flower]

Hello strawberrycat, I've been reading your journal so far and also just wanted to welcome you here too. Like the others, I've found this forum, the people here and their insights enourmously helpful. I hope it will be like that for you too.

I can recognize so much you're saying. Especially the part where you say you were loathing yourself hits me like it was me. I'm very sorry you were made to feel that way and nobody should ever have to.

But you say it's in the past and I'm glad to hear that for you, it is. For me though, in a way, it's not. In the sense that, I carry all these feelings of unworthiness with me still.    So that's what I'm working on here.

Wishing you all the best. 

[Chart]

I too am struggling with finding the facts about my early childhood. So much is just fog and feelings of unworthiness. I'm doing body awareness work and over the past two years have started unlocking memories from before my explicit memory capacity came online (3-4 yrs old). Two weeks ago I had the desire to crawl under my living room table from severe sadness and depression. I finally did it and realized as it happened that I'd done the same as a child to protect myself from my parents violent fights.

Clear memories are slow in coming, but they're there.

Sending support
 

[strawberrycat]

Hey Sanmagic7, Im sorry you can relate 

Greetings to you as well NarcKiddo. My mother could get angry at me all she wanted, but I was never allowed to be angry at her, so yes certain emotions were reserved for her alone, although I don't know if she's uncomfortable with her own anger.

Hello Desert Flower, thank you for reading my journal and welcoming me. I'm sorry to hear that you're still carrying the feelings of unworthiness with you, that must be difficult. I don't hate on myself like I used to, but that sense of being unworthy is deeply ingrained and hard to shake off completely, so I understand.

Hi Chart, remembering things from early childhood can definitely be challenging, but it sounds like you uncovered something big recently. I have yet to really remember anything from that long ago, but maybe I will one day. Thank you for the support