I Have Been Hating Being Born Female, I Think Partly Because I Want to Fight Bac

[BlueMoon_]

So I have been having troubles being a woman for a bit now, especially about strength. It pisses me off that not only do men run the patriarchy but they are also stronger than the women they oppress.

Seeing clips in TV or movies where men are being sexist or abusive makes me wish I were a guy so I were strong enough to beat them up for their mysogyny.

How do I make sense of these feelings, and what should I do?

[Kizzie]

I don't think any of us female, male or otherwise want to ever feel weak, oppressed, demeaned, etc because of our gender. WHat I do think is true for us (survivors) is learning that we are or can be strong not only on the outside but perhaps more importantly, on the inside. I know for myself that as I've learned to set and enforce my boundaries, people don't mess with me. They can sense it's not a good idea because I will stand my ground I think.

That's one reason so many of us are here, to learn or relearn that we are or can be strong, capable people who have solid boundaries and a clear sense of right and wrong. Look at all the adversity we have survived - that takes strength even if the strategies we use(d) were not quite how we wanted to protect ourselves.  We did what we had to when we were younger and didn't have much if any power.  Now that we are adults we do have power we can use.

So, I guess my suggestion is - find your power.   

[Trust]

Hi Blue Moon. I couldn't believe I was seeing this issue in the title of your post. Hating being female started when I was young and is part of me that is deep down under all the other stuff as a survivor. I only see it clearly once in a while and it then floats back into the fog. Thank you for asking it.  My father was a misogynistic @$#%. In everything he did he inferred that girls were stupid, etc including the way he treated my mother.  My mother was an elegant woman who had no sense of herself that I saw, but only to serve my father and teach us kids how to not rock the boat or outshine our father. I sense now she was overwhelmed by motherhood and served as a elegant indentured slave to my father. If you've ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome where a captive person tries to saddle up to their captor for survival purposes and takes on their traits to win favor and not get too many beatings emotionally or physically that is what I did.  I learned being female was bad, worthless, etc before I was 8 years old. I tried to be more like a man which is too much to go into here but one thing I'll share is when I went into the job world and to a formal business setting I wrote pin stripe suits to fit in with the business attire of the men. I will say I want the only woman doing it either. It's interesting facet of my being but so deep it's not likely I'll ever touch in this lifetime as there is so much shame wrapped around it and I'm 66yo. I wish you well in your journey.

[NarcKiddo]

I don't personally have struggles with being a woman as such but I don't like being shoved in the "girls do needlework and not woodwork" box that was around when I was at school. I took up strength training and boxing in my 40s. I never had a fitness habit and expected to hate it. Only took it up because of osteoporosis risks etc approaching menopause. As it happens, I really took to it.

I cannot tell you how much more regulated I feel now that I am, objectively, strong. I happen to be tall so my actual strength is on a par with smaller men, especially if they are out of condition. But even if you are not physically large, the feeling of being physically capable is quite amazing, I found.

I totally agree with Kizzie's suggestion to find your power. That may not be in physical strength but if you are able to experiment with maybe gaining some physical strength I would really encourage you to give it a try.