You Hurt Me: The Former Lover

[Cascade]

Introduction
I recently started a series of "You Hurt Me" letters, by long hand, in my real-life journal.  So far, I have them for my most recent ex-boss, my most recent ex-lover, and my ex-husband.  I'm working in reverse chronological order.  The only two left that I intend to write are to my parents.  They're both dead and I never confronted them about the abuse.  I think maybe seeing the words in purple and white and expressing them from my own hand might help dislodge and process some of the pain of all their hurt. 

  Yeah, I write with a purple pen.  I associate purple with being at the intuitive end of the color spectrum, like our chakras, so I like seeing purple as I write.

You Hurt Me

The Former Lover

Former Lover, I can't even refer to you as a boyfriend or partner because you never saw a human being actually attached to the sex.  You hurt me.  I offered my friendship and my body and my fun and my thoughts.  You screwed them all and flushed them down the toilet like a pile of poo.

You were so confusing, saying our communication was important, then acting like I was yours to use whenever it pleased you.  I thought we were friends with benefits who got close at work, until you showed that you had the attitude of simply wanting sex at work whenever it was convenient for you.

I just wanted to make a connection with another human being that could include sex with a sense of safety.  I was wrong about you.  Nothing about you was safe.  You used me.  You hurt me.

You treated me like every other man in my life, taking advantage of everything I was willing to give.  You treated me like I was worthless, less than a person, just a lay.  You hurt me.

You gaslit me, so I refuse to shame myself for "letting" you treat me that way.  You even blamed me when I told you I was upset and felt my boundaries were violated.  You said I was the one who needed to calm down and time time to think about what was going on.  My only mistake was trying to reach out and connect with another human being.  You hurt me.

Goodbye.