Healing journal (tw) Angering / strong emotions

[StartingHealing]

Hi Dark.art.girl

Your avatar looks like something from the animation Danny Phantom.  That was a decent show.   

I savvy that urge to be "informed" about what is going on. I had been attempting to find that line between being informed without being overwhelmed.  Then once I went cold turkey on that .. it was uncomfortable because in a weird way I think that becomes something that is addictive. 

Perhaps I'm incorrect here but my default setting is that if it's "news" or advertising it's a psyop.  It's a manipulative mechanism in an attempt to influence me into taking action that is not for my highest good, it's for someone or some org's benefit.  With that in mind, the algo's are intentionally designed to push engagement with feeding us content to push our emotional buttons while our patterns of reactions are gathered, monetized and sold. 

I've also looked at all the "new" smart devices that are being pushed and .. well let's just say that the data collection extends to every single device that is connected to the web.  The intel about it is out there. In my opinion it's that people get so bombarded all the time with male bovine fecal matter of this notification, that advert, this crisis, that crisis, that thing, this other (cuss word) thing, and, and, and, and, and, the processing bandwidth gets intentionally over ran.  Just like having a logic bomb go off and the OS is glitching out because there is no more RAM left. 

What happens in us when a notification goes off on the mobile device? It's startling, it breaks concentration, and for a split second throws us into a flee/fight response.  How is that good for health? And if, like I used to be, it's not startling then I was always on edge, always splitting my awareness to listen for the notifications.  Us humans are analog.  We are the same folks that were the hunter gathers however many thousands of years ago.  Our nervous system ain't wired for the environment that has been created. As such it's way to easy to hijack it to push behavior that results in negative outcomes for us while benefiting those companies / orgs / etc that are { insert cuss word } up the world.   

If the new currency in the digital spaces is attention, who or what is benefiting from that? How they getting paid?  Servers, power, storage, ain't free ... 

Chase Hughes (his vids are great) explains really well on how propaganda and manipulation works.  I see now how the manipulation tactics of the former spouse worked and where my weaknesses were.  And that led directly into propaganda and how all that gets done.  Holy [ fecal matter ]     Which then led me to wondering about other things that share the same methodology.

Interesting little thing to do, an advert starts, mute the sound and watch the visual. Take notes, what is being put forth?  Then next time the same advert plays close your eyes and listen, really listen.  What does the languaging put out there?  Write down what is noticed.  then compare both sets of notes with no media on at all. What buttons are they trying to push?   We are awash in manipulation and propaganda and it's been ramping up since the invention of newsprint.  Every "new" technology, more psyops.  Books, newsprint, radio, tv, internet, all distribution channels  A thing to look into is the ad campaign that got women to smoke back in to roaring 20's I believe.  That's really enlightening not only in the social narrative aspect, but also from a psyops aspect.  It's actually really horrifying.   

I know that at times I can appear to be needing a tinfoil hat.  BTW actual foil out of tin hasn't been made since the 1930s if memory serves. It's been aluminum ever since. chuckle.   At the same time, all I have been doing is tracing back the threads to the root cause(s) and coming across other information that unfortunately checks out.  I wish it was only a theory.  The more I dig though, the more conformation comes to light.

I'm not saying that "everything" is manipulation / propaganda.  However, when spun up emotionally, us humans lose the ability to discern what is manipulation / propaganda and then make decisions that are based in fear, anger, jealousy which typically ain't good for us long term.  The former PD spouse used that aspect of my normal human reaction to her advantage. I don't know if going from single human scales to general population lineally.  However, look at the excessive consumerism.  I'm not saying that buying stuff is bad.  Far from it.  I dig getting something that will make my daily easier.  At the same time, I'm done with the glitter and smoke.  I'll buy but only if the object is of value.  As a result, I'm the person that buys once and buys right and it's not on a whim.  I'm starting to look harder and harder at clothing made from hemp.  More expensive sure, lasts longer, better for the environment, gets softer and softer the more it's worn.  : thinking emoji :

At the same time, going hard ethical, is manipulating consumers into purchasing fecal matter that isn't needed honest business?  Is manipulating the results from medical studies to "prove" a certain outcome, honest health care?  Is putting the amount of protein on a pet food label, that requires soaking in 20x stronger acid than any pet ever had for multiple hours to free up the protein honest labeling?  different areas .. same bovine fecal matter being done, to us. 

Wishing you all the best. 

[Chart]

I'm the very proud owner of a diesel electric generator, 230volts, 30 amps continuous. My neighbors have exploitations of beef cattle and dairy, both cow and goat (I love goat cheese, buy it en masse). I'm currently renting in a large town while my youngest gets through her obligatory brainwashing six hours, five days a week. (I straighten her out in the evenings by running through the original Monty Python shows... works perfectly, my twelve-year-old is more balanced than all her teachers combined.) When she goes off to boarding/high school, I plan on retreating to my generator homestead. No electrical, water, gas or even trash contract will be subscribed to. Found a busted solar panel. Will build a winter greenhouse, rainwater stockage, mass-heating stoves, etc, etc. I don't pay any attention to politics or social internet. People I bump into keep me informed. I smile and nod and change the topic to cat juggling or snail breeding. I did buy a remote controlled sailboat to play with with my daughter. We're both learning to sail at the local lake and park. Gonna live as much as I can the time I've got. May not be long either. I'm smack dab next to some of France's main icbm's as well. [sigh] Definitely worthwhile believing in reincarnation. Wonder what I'll be taxed with the next run around the track?
Stay well SH. Thanks for your writing. It stimulates uniquely :-)
 

[StartingHealing]

Hi Chart!

Thank you for your kind words.  I try to write so the threads of what I have found and my thoughts flow to a conclusion without going down any rabbit holes very much.

What you describe is so very attractive.  Being "disconnected" from all the grids.  Being in areas where food, in most things, is raised.   I savvy about the { concerns } being in the area of military targeting. 

Wishing you all the best

[StartingHealing]

Nov 4 2025

Waiting for morning coffee to finish.  Medical Dr. disappointed that I continue to drink it. the Dr. can go pee up a tree.  Been drinking coffee since I was 3? 4? I used to drink like a "lot" and I've reduced that down to low / moderate levels.  Dr, never did do a root cause for my BP issues. "snort" why should he?  "here's your pills" ...

pivoting into

I'm dealing with the disconnect between evidence of how a person {[ is ]} and the concept that I had of them.  Former spouse and the eldest sister, peas in a pod.      

hard. so {insert favorite string of cuss words} hard.

Makes sense though from a pattern recognition aspect.  IDK the "reason(s)" behind it all.  Maybe my soul ... sigh.  Genetic maternal side pattern was toxic which was just the extension of her FOO patterns.  The person in the role of mother in the adoptive family had her toxic patterns.  The oldest sister .. I can understand why brother was angry, always angry.  Sadly he never connected the dots IMO.  The person in the role of father had a matching enabling pattern, and me, with the trauma? of being ripped away from genetic mother, wide open to accept all this as "normal".  Soooooo end result.  No shock that I chose and stayed with the former spouse as long as I did.

I'm not blaming anyone.  For me that is wasted energy and besides that those responsible are no longer in this realm.  What is the quote?  something like it's not my fault but I'm responsible for healing myself.

this also plays into how me as a single "unit" that interacts with society < whatever that word actually means > .   Which swings back around to the question " what do I owe?  what is owed to me? " 

Multivariate systems with multiple vectors of interaction that is a humbucker to pick apart.  Feelings aside, there is influence, pressure, reward / punishment loops.  Which also ties into human thriving.  Does the current situation actually support human thriving?  Or is it all male bovine fecal matter where the various systems treat humans as replaceable carbon based revenue units and as such no F's given? 

personnel department  re-branded as human resources.  That is just an example.  Extend that to every single aspect of interaction with the systems that make up modernity. 

Pattern pattern, what is the pattern?

Need to spin up to get to work. 

Wishing all here all the best.

[StartingHealing]

11/4/2025

Been wondering about something for a long time.  Trying to savvy how I as a singular individual interact / respond with / to the larger "blob" that is society.  What messages have been internalized that are running in a subroutine that leads to negative outcomes for this singular individual?  Humans are social beings.  We are wired for connection, for family, for tribe.  What messages aka "propaganda" have been implanted that in and of themselves damaging to me?  I know that the scope is Yuge, yet at the same time the singular threads can be teased out. 

Well, something is sure as ( insert cuss word ) going on.  What is the reason(s) that mental problems are on the increase?  Is it "just" x y zed? Is it a combination?  What about health?  What about the spiritual?  Is it systemic?  Is it intentional?  Is it only from hurt people hurting people?

I know that this isn't a clear "logical" reductionist thing.  How can it be?  Humans are living breathing beings.  I believe that a valid view has to be holistic. if it's not how can all vectors be accounted for? 

Wishing all here all the best

[StartingHealing]

11/5/2025

Had one of those epiphanies that slap ya around thoroughly on the drive back from work today.  Had to do with the truck that I've been dinking around and not getting around to selling the thing and then get something else that is new to me. Mind you, this is when former spouse was still a spouse.

Back story.  Had an 02 S10.  Nice little truck. 4 cyl, manual transmission.  Red, fire engine red.  hard to miss. In 2010 got t-boned by a gal in a borrowed car and the light was green for me.  Truck totaled.  Took about 5 years for me to heal the semi-soft tissue damage.

Took settlement and finally found current truck.  87 Dodge D150.  Been overall a good truck. Thing is .. that truck is a reminder of that period of time.  Even though the former spouse never drove the thing.   

I don't know why I've held onto it.  I really don't.  It lumbers around corners, not that great on gas, doesn't really have decent get up and go.. And for some {cuss words} I've kept it.  I bought it with cash so there isn't any notes / liens / loans. 

So.... I'm going to clean out all the "stuff" that has ended up in the cab, and I think I'll move forward with trying to sell it.

Wishing all here all the best

[sanmagic7]

and wishing you the best with this endeavor, SH.  funny, in a way, how something not related can trigger those old memories.  do you think any truck you might get would do the same going forward?  if so, that's too bad.  i hate that that past stuff can reach out and grab us and ruin our present stuff.  love and hugs