Of course it's worth it!

[sanmagic7]

i'm just glad you're back home, blueberry.  'my brain fell out of my head' - yep, love that (even if it doesn't feel good) but i love it cuz it completely describes how i've been feeling after these 3 weeks w/ my D and her radiation treatments.  i hope you can continue to allow your process to keep at it, doing its thing in its own time and way.  sounds like it's working well.  love and hugs

[Chart]

Fun fact: when I'm physically injured like this,I have far more intrinsic motivation, it just kicks in automatically. I was told by a previous OT that it's a known thing.

That is super interesting. I've always wondered why I'm super motivated to do my own stuff when I'm working for someone else. And when I have time for myself I just sit here... like today... :|

[Hope67]

 

[Blueberry]

That is super interesting. I've always wondered why I'm super motivated to do my own stuff when I'm working for someone else. And when I have time for myself I just sit here... like today... :|

I don't know why that would be Chart, though I'm sure there's a reason somewhere. However I don't quite see the connection between what you're experiencing and my tendency to feel activated when there's something wrong with me physically. (Unless it's something like having a fever, which doesn't activate me, fortunately, because a body needs rest at that point.) If you want to discuss further, please copy over to your Journal, thanks.

It is verrrrrrry hot today and I'm not feeling super-motivated to do tons, tho I have maybe done more than on some days. I went to the library in the early afternoon to read the newspaper but ended up talking to the woman sitting next to me (the library has a little café where you can read newspapers but also talk). Though we didn't know each other, it ended up being quite a deep, personal conversation. I didn't feel dumped on at all though. She was sympathetic to some things I mentioned too, not really trauma - maybe contributed a bit to my childhood trauma. As I'm still mulling what to write to a friend I'm in disagreement with, this encounter helps me realise that I'm not this terrible egoitistical person only interested in my own 'stuff' and not caring about other people's feelings or that they also may have rough spots.

[sanmagic7]

glad you're able to see that, blueberry.  i concur wholeheartedly!  sounds like a lovely little encounter.  love and hugs

[NarcKiddo]

The conversation in the library sounds like it was a good and safe-feeling conversation for you. I hope my impression is correct.

[Blueberry]

The conversation in the library sounds like it was a good and safe-feeling conversation for you. I hope my impression is correct.

Yes, that's correct.

This evening I had a further unexpected but good conversation with some people I got talking to briefly. Nothing like the personal level of yesterday's conversation, but still nice.

[Armee]

 

Just catching back up.

[Blueberry]

  Armee

[Blueberry]

So what changed? What happened? Nothing feels worth it this morning. I just want to go back to bed.

Showering would be a good idea, it would even help my skin not feel so itchy I think. But showering is often difficult. Not sure if that alone makes me want to go back to bed.

[sanmagic7]

maybe those lovely conversations kind of blew your circuits, blueberry.  things might have simply been too much 'good' for you and you're needing some time to process, allow the good feelings from them to sink in, and finally be ok with them.  just a thought.

at any rate, i hope you can accept that what your system needs right now is gentleness and kindness - sending love and a hug filled with both your way.

[Blueberry]

maybe those lovely conversations kind of blew your circuits, blueberry.  things might have simply been too much 'good' for you and you're needing some time to process, allow the good feelings from them to sink in, and finally be ok with them. 

That is possible, you know. I used to act quite strongly that way. Probably goes back to FOO being very disapproving of anybody being kind to me or supporting me in any way that they considered dangerous to the status quo, or sometimes more than FOO being disapproving, sometimes they were downright emotionally abusive and/or neglectful.

[sanmagic7]

probably, blueberry.  that was monstrous of them to do that to you, by the way.  i'm so very sorry you had to experience that from them.  you didn't deserve it, still don't.  i'm hoping for more lovely conversations to come your way.  love and hugs