Rainy Journey 23

[rainydiary]

I'm in an EF and it is confusing as to why.

Earlier today I texted my husband that I think long term I need to look for a new job.

Just now he told me it stressed him out when I said that.

That sent me into my EF.

My job choice does impact him but this is my life.

What's harder for me is his reaction and how a double standard seems to be present. This past weekend we had a difficult conversation and he walked away from our conversation and was rather rude to me.

Right now I think I dissociated a bit when he said my text stressed him out.  I think what it is flashing me back to is all the times my parents were unsupportive of me and how I still don't feel like I belong anywhere and that I "need" to push myself to stay in a situation just to please others.

I felt like my husband and I have been making progress of late.  There is still work to do and I imagine a lot of whatever just happened between us isn't exactly about me.

I'm so tired. 

[rainydiary]

As I am processing this evening I am realizing that some of my EF is also about work.

I am working with some preschool classrooms.

Today I witnessed a paraprofessional terrorizing three autistic students.  She was doing what people working in special education are taught to do.  But it is so messed up.

And I am feeling terrible for just watching and not being able to do anything.

There is this delicate balance I must walk in order to stay safe myself and keep my job. 

But I hated the way she treated those kids and how she spoke to me and how she was wearing an Autism shirt which no one needs to wear.

Very upset this evening and hoping I can fall asleep.

[Larry]

I hope you get some sleep,   

[Papa Coco]

Rainy,

That's awful about the teacher terrorizing the kids with Autism. It shows greatness in you that it bothered you. It's hard for good people to watch someone doing a bad job with children. And I agree: There is NO need to wear an autism shirt. Some people just don't get it.

I hope you're having some good days lately.

[Blueberry]

Thinking of you, rainy. 

[Hope67]

Dear Rainy,
I am also thinking of you, and hope that your week is ok.
Hope 

[Not Alone]

Hi Rainy. Thinking of you.

[Moondance]

Thinking of you also Rainydiary

 

[Larry]

Hi Rainy,  thinking of you....

[sanmagic7]

 

[Larry]

 

[Blueberry]

Hi Rainy,

I thought of you a few days ago and today again too.

I hope your absence from the forum means you're busy and doing well.

We're here if and when you want to write again. 

[sanmagic7]

hope you're ok, rainy.  love and hugs

[Not Alone]

Hi Rainy. I've been away from the forum also, because of pressures from work. Thinking of you.

[Hope67]

Hi Rainy,
I was thinking of you today, and hoping you're ok.  Just sending you a hug 
Hope