Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

Super cool, rainy! it is addictive and so much fun.  Feel free to private message me if you have questions or want tips. I've noticed not everything  is explained well. I can also give you a code for a special item they haven't discussed a quest for yet.

Speaking of, playing this game is encouraging me to watch Disney films I haven't seen yet. I watched Wall-E after I got his character and learned why the boot with a plant in it is important. I watched Tangled just last night. (the Rapunzel story) I actually ended up crying at the end because I was jealous that she had this wonderful, loving family who accepted her no matter what and never gave up hope. I also now understand why Mother Goethel in the game has so many passive-aggressive insults and is obssessed with her youth. In the original Rapunzel, the witch raises the girl because she demanded the girl as payment when the dad stole a plant from the witch's garden for his pregnant wife's food cravings. I guess Disney didn't want to deal with the moral implications of that.

Anyhow, just enjoying hot tea and some muffins (storebought) while reading for the writing critique group. Then hopping into the game so I can buy out Scrooge McDuck's entire store. LOL

[Blueberry]

I like the way you share what you've been cooking or just what you are drinking e.g. a nice mug of hot tea.

[CactusFlower]

Aw, thank you, Blueberry!  I do very much hope I don't trigger anyone's eating problems, though. Food and drink (nonalcoholic) are very grounding for me and usually associated with mostly good memories. I joke that I'm just a hedonistic Taurus, ha ha.

On a positive note, the electrician doesn't have COVID and our kitchen light will be fixed tomorrow morning. Yay! Then bro can start baking again. (some recipes have long rise times.)

I watched Lightyear on Disney+ yesterday. OMG so incredibly cute.  Loved the diverse family representation, super cool. Huge nod to Marvel movies (at least 3 actors are from there) with a mid- and after-credits scenes. Lots of laughs and all.  I think Frozen is up next.  Haven't actually seen it, but I sure know that song by heart, LOL. FYI, youtube has "Let It Go" in Mandarin with lyrics across the bottom. it's a neat video. They also have "Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan. I didn't know Jackie Chan sang that for the movie!  Very impressive.

My Inner Children are please at getting to watch these fun movies. I never dismiss animated movies as only being for kids, but getting to see so many is kinda like a Christmas gift.

[rainydiary]

I resonate with watching and enjoying these movies too.  I hope to catch up on some movies soon and hopefully seeing something I haven't seen before.

[Armee]

I love the delight of reading about your encounters with Disney movies. 🧡

I loved Wall-E. Such a sweet one. Our favorite is the cleaning robot.

I like reading about your foodie adventures. But other than overeating a bit I dont have difficult food issues.

So glad Bro will be back to baking soon. 

[CactusFlower]

Thank you, Armee, rainy.

We watched Frozen, I like it a lot. I think my favorite thing about it is proving "true love" isn't just the Princess finding her (hetero) life partner. The rock trolls were cute and I'm impressed at Pixar's/Disney's level of education, pulling from real Norwegian myths. Not sure which one I'll watch next.

I went through some photos I found the other night. They're mostly the posed school 8x10 photos, but there are a couple. I need to find a place that can digitize an old box of slides. I think I know where one is in town. I showed them to my BFF and he was immediately able to tell when I was happy or not. One or two of them is me at about 3-ish years old, the age of my youngest Inner Child. It's the only one that's happy compared to the next several years. I may frame it to remind me of how she looks when she's happy. The slides are of a 10th birthday party and a Christmas, probably the same year. I see myself, but nothing else is familiar. I don't know the name of any of those kids. I know where we lived at that age, but nothing about the house looks familiar. The Christmas ones make me feel... strange. Like, does a 10-year old get a ceramic tea set and a Barbie Corvette? It feels like those are too young for someone that age. I dunno. I also note that at least two photos, I'm in a pink dress. So I can kind of see when I started "not liking" the color. And the hairdos... man, the 70's were not kind. LOL

I know I have other photos somewhere, I'll have to dig more. I don't know what I'm feeling at the moment. I'll probably set these aside to talk with my T after Xmas.

[Armee]

That's a really good idea to frame the smiling one. I really relate to the shock of not recognizing anything about the photos. I had that same experience going thru photos. I didn't even know where I was in my high school graduation photos...it turned out to be my living room. The house I had lived in for years. That was one of those moments where I realized how real trauma is.

I hope your writing class went well. 

[sanmagic7]

CF, there is such delight in your posts about cooking and eating delicious happy foods.  i've been enjoying it a lot.

i also like the idea of framing the photo of you when you're smiling.  i had one of me about that age and it was able to remind me about what a cute little girl i was, so happy and innocent, and it seemed a really good thing for me to know about myself.  i hope yours brings a sense of goodness to you as well.  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Second week of my T being on vacay.  It hasn't been horrible. Only one nightmare the whole time so far. I am surprised every time I wake up from those that I'm not louder. I can be yelling in the dream, but only whimpering when I wake up. I don't recall the subject now, but when I did wake up, I lay there and whispered to myself "I am safe, I am warm, it is not real" a few times. That actually helped. I concentrated on the feel of the blankets, the white noise/rain sound I had going, and a slight itch on my foot. I managed to get back to sleep relatively quickly.

I managed to go out and get a lovely spiral-cut ham for Saturday. We're getting Chinese food Sunday. We also went to the Int'l grocery store the other day, so I have yummy treats/snacks like pocky and mochi. The trip today also got me a bulk bag of dried banana chips. So not all my snacks are unhealthy, LOL.

[Armee]

Great job grounding! You have so much skill to draw on! Good job getting through the vacation!

[Not Alone]

I don't recall the subject now, but when I did wake up, I lay there and whispered to myself "I am safe, I am warm, it is not real" a few times. That actually helped. I concentrated on the feel of the blankets, the white noise/rain sound I had going, and a slight itch on my foot. I managed to get back to sleep relatively quickly.

Bravo for you.  Good self-care and grounding.

[sanmagic7]

i echo the others on your grounding techniques, CF.  well done!  w/ the nightmares i've had, this never occurred to me to do. 

your weekend food sounds lovely!  i've always found those spiral-cut hams to be ever so tasty!  enjoy enjoy enoy!!!  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Thank you so much, armee, notalone, and san. I am glad that going with my instincts is helping. It takes a lot to trust those in triggering situations or after nightmares.

I'm trying to expand my resources for help and health. So, I am starting to listen to some trauma recovery-focused podcasts and mental help ones. "Conversations with Carolyn Spring" is pretty amazing. I had to download the transcript for the episode "Trauma isn't just a distressing event" because I was saying "woah... yeah" with so many things she said. I listened this morning to episode #613 of "Mental Illness Happy Hour" that was about people-pleasing. (tw, they talk candidly so there is some profanity.) I had to write it down when he said, "Part of getting help is surrendering to the form it comes in."  Like... woah.  Yeah. Part of something I say everyday is about asking for help and ACCEPTING it with gratitude when offered. it's a big lesson for me, so this really resonated with me. The BBC has one called "Access All" that's pretty good and features interviews with disabled people. The hosts have their own issues, so it's not "inspiration p*rn" kind of talks. Listening to them while I drink my tea and check email is kind of a morning meditation thing, which I'm liking as a routine.

Sadness: The Mars robot, Insight, stopped replying to NASA. His batteries finally ran out. NASA sent out a "final message" and I, along with a lot of the internet, cried a little. Might be silly, but it was sweet and hopeful.

[Not Alone]

I have found Carolyn Spring helpful also. I haven't listened to her podcast, but read one book (the other was too triggering for me), and I've read several of her articles on her website. https://www.carolynspring.com/

[CactusFlower]

Just popping in to say Happy Winter! Going well so far, food will be in a few hours here with the bro and BFF. The ham smells delish. Bro made his addictive dinner rolls, and BFF is making a yam dish and a brussel sprout dish.
It's not horribly cold here, so we're doing okay. My T comes back from vacay and I'll have the normal session tomorrow.