How to journal - to honour and befriend my parts

[Hope67]

Hi everyone,
In addition to the Journal I keep here in this forum, I also want to also start journalling on paper - and hoping to do so for the benefit of enabling my different parts to communicate.  So I wanted to ask if anyone could share their thoughts/experiences with regard to this.

I am wondering whether to just have a flowing diary where all  parts can write, or whether to have different books for each of them to write in - but I don't want to make it too complicated.

I have got quite a few different books already - none of them have been written in!  Part of the difficulty is wondering about how best to approach it, and I guess different parts are finding it difficult to let me start doing it.  Hence I haven't done it yet.

Any thoughts or reflections from anyone - I'd really like to hear them, as I feel sure it will help me make some decisions on how to proceed.

Thank you
Hope 

[marta1234]

Hi Hope, glad you’re taking this step  . For me, when I started writing, I remember it was so overwhelming (although I was at the start of my process, and as I know that you’re much further than I am). It was hard for me write anything, and I felt extremely hopeless. I know that now, after some time, I’ve been able to dissect and use writing as a way for my parts to speak. However, some of my parts are against speaking or writing, so most times I still feel this resistance and protest when I write in my journal. I don’t have different journals for specific parts, but do have 2 (1 in my bedroom and another in my living room). I write in the one that’s closest to me.
Hope you’re able to start your own journaling and sending you much support for that

[Hope67]

Hi Marta,
Thanks for sharing your experience of journalling - I really like the idea of having 2 journals and having them in different places, and using the one closest to hand - that really sounds good to me. 

It was interesting that you thought I was 'further' than you in a process - I thought - no, I don't think I am!!!  I often feel like I'm stalling and fumbling about - not necessarily knowing what I'm doing, or how I'm progressing.  So it was interesting to hear you say that.  I've not heard of the Munich therapy process - I think I'll look that up.

I think it's great that you have been able to use your journalling to 'dissect and use writing as a way for your parts to speak' - and you mentioning that some of your parts are against speaking or writing, that definitely matches my experience - I've felt resistance about it.  I remember doing it in some places in the forum, but it felt like a while ago, and sometimes when I read back things I've written, I am amazed by what I've actually written.

I'm sorry for responding with such a lengthy reply - I feel like I have LOTS of words in me today - like they are tumbling out.

I appreciate your reply and your thoughts and experiences.  Thank you.   

Hope 

[marta1234]

Oh god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to type "Munich" I meant "my"  . Really sorry about that!

[OceanStar]

Hi


I write, his is a little of my experience if any of it is useful then great, if not then please disregard.

I have a main note book and a small one I take out in my bag, that one has no identifying names etc in just incase I loose it, that one I only write in as me now.

I have noticed that my handwriting changes wildly, tho that's not through any conscious effort, so the parts of me are very distinguishable. I also sometimes draw or just make lines zigzags if writing words is too much. Sometimes using different media, ie felt pen, pencil, etc seems important, but I don't specifically have different pens for different ages. I have also turned the book upside down and started again at the back, often for a different style of writing rather than a 'different me' tho.

When I first started my main concern was confidentiality. Felt very vunerable but this has lessened over time.

I hope you're able to find something that works for you, it has really helped me.

I'd love to hear how you get on.

[Hope67]

Hi Marta,
I noticed that you mentioned the typo last night, so I didn't look up the therapy name.   

Hi OceanStar,
Thank you for sharing your experience - it is definitely useful, so thank you.  I particularly appreciated the lack of identifying names, that's a good thing to consider.  I was very interested to hear how you can see differences in your hand-writing and therefore are able to identify different parts from that.  Having the flexibility to approach your book from different angles - upside down, and at the back - I think that's really interesting.

I am glad to hear that your feelings of vulnerability have lessened over time.  I am hoping that this will be the same for me.

I will hope to keep you updated on how I get on, as I do want to share that.  I find it so helpful to read other people's experiences, and I also want to share mine as well.  Thank you for your reply, it's been very helpful and useful. 

Hope 

[OceanStar]

Hi hope,

I was just wondering if you'd thought any more about journaling your different parts and how your getting on?

[Hope67]

Hi Oceanstar,
I am so sorry that it's taken me so long to reply to your query here - two years - I apologise. 

I didn't get very far with written journalling using pen and paper yet.  I've been listening to different parts of myself in a cognitive sense, but not writing things down. 

But, I think I'd like to try written journalling.  So maybe I'll try it in the following days.

Hope 

[Freedom4me]

Thanks to the people who are on this site and the site itself as it is so helpful to have so much support on so many recovery topics.

Being an American right now is very upsetting for me as everything is changing and not the way that I wish it were.
Everyday the news is triggering me so I had to find a way to use it to my advantage while also limiting my time on watching the new too.

I have been so incredibly triggered by see people being harmed and truamatized and treated in ways that I cannot
even handle. The adult me is righteously angry and the 4 year old abused me is raging. I have learned that is is unhealthy to stuff any of my feelings but don't want to go to the opposite extreme so my middle path has been to
spend the last week writing like crazy, free flow and by dialoging with the adult and child in me over and over and over. NO holding back.

The interesting thing was that it is really helping. It is a safe way to express my fury without hurting myself or anyone else. I do not want to keep these feeling locked up to cause tension and disease in my body as I have done that and got cancer which I had to recover from. I have instead promised my 4 year old I will hear anything she has to say and never put her down or judge her because that has already hurt her over and over and been part of my family of origins way of abusing her and making me feel everything I do is my fault when it was in fact their behavior that was abusive not mine.

I have discovered in this process that I needed to face being the "good" girl I have always been. The
"pleaser" if I want to take care of my health and stop repeating old destructive patterns. I also don't want to be the rager I can be because that hurts me too. I do however see that I have to own my anger and then when it arises notice if I am saying yes when I want to say no or if I feel manipulated or put down by someone and that is what is triggering it and choose to disengage immediately and say nothing and move away or if I want to be patient for a few minutes and respond intelligently in a way I will get the message I want across without using hurtful abusive words I have done in the past as a way to protect myself.

I looked up a video by Gabor Mate on anger and he said a woman healed herself from Stage 4 cancer by noticing she was a "good" girl and a perfectionist in all her relationships and at work and when she adopted saying NO
she cured herself...15 years since she was told she had 1 year to live. Sooooo....I am going to continue to journal all day if I have to but apply myself to starting to see when I am trying to be "good" when I want to say no
and no longer do it. Gabor said it is a bit scary as you family and friends have learned to expect you to be a
yes girl but considering the cost to oneself of continuing down that path I will take my chances on putting my needs first and take the risk to get better and heal from years of being truamatize from childhood abuse.

I hope all of you find a way to express your anger and investigate any misguided but common thoughts and beliefs that abuse was our fault because that's what kids think or that's what were were told over and over. May we all be happy and well and continue to never give up on our healing journey whatever way we choose to do it.