Losing it; back to 'normal'

[woodsgnome]

Thanks, Jazzy, I needed that reminder; and thanks Snookiebookie for posting the original link.

So often it feels like I've turned the corner on things, only to find it wasn't quite what I anticipated, and wasn't the perfect prelude to 'living happily ever after'.

Perfectionism leads one on in its endless illusions of finding some vague promised land. Staying open to discovery allows one to find new, maybe even surprising, territory. It works -- and sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't I get flustered, angry, and all the rest. I'll try to reorient yet again, only to  realize that I'd fallen into the perfectionist trap yet again.

In writing this I've just discovered a good deal, in that giving up the fantasy of finding the perfect way can act as an invitation towards a very important discovery -- it's okay not to be okay. 

There -- feels better, and by not being perfect  it might even be better. By not being perfect I can discover more, and whatever I label it doesn't ultimately matter.

Yet another twist on this strange (imperfect yet perfect!) road, eh? 

[Kizzie]

I'll take being human and authentic over being perfect any day Woodsgnome.  I've come to care about you because you continue to show up here to help yourself and your fellow survivors.  I can't say this about a lot of people so please hear me when I say I think you're perfect because you're not perfect, you're unique, authentic, kind you. After all the abuse/neglect you suffered that's both amazing and wonderful and I take inspiration from you.     

[Blueberry]

woodsgnome, it's been really helpful for me to read your recent posts on here since I've not been feeling OK for being imperfect. Thank you.

[dreamriver]

Woodsgnome, I'm new here but I see you, I hear you, and I totally feel you and have noted how you seem like an incredibly supportive and giving figure in this forum. I appreciate you. You're valuable and worth every ounce of energy to keep going. 

And yes - true perfection is really seeing perfection in all the imperfections! Love it.

[woodsgnome]

When this thread first bubbled up through my system, I hesitated posting about it -- it just seemed too much of a self-pity, redundant sort of rant. I know that's partially why we're here, but I feel so ashamed to have to break it out in public like that. 

On the other hand, I was desperate to somehow release some of the tension about my recent broodings, themselves so repetitive yet threatening to undo my emotions yet again. I was hurting and needed help, so chose to reach out, something I still find very difficult to do.

I can't begin to express what everyone's kind words have meant. This depth of caring on OOTS is truly astounding. There are so few places one can experience this sort of understanding. Thanks again. 

[Kizzie]