Discovery Journal

Three Roses · September 16, 2019, 04:45:59 AM

Been very tired lately. Not able to be very active here but I hope you're all doing well.

SharpAndBlunt · September 16, 2019, 10:47:16 AM

sanmagic7 · September 16, 2019, 03:28:22 PM

i hope some rest sets you right up, my dear 3r. sending love!

woodsgnome · September 16, 2019, 03:44:59 PM

The best of rest and hope be yours. And thanks -- for all that you are, your caring, insights, and sharing of wisdom.

Snowdrop · September 17, 2019, 03:17:10 PM

I hope you're able to get some rest.

Three Roses · September 18, 2019, 02:07:45 AM

S&B, San, Woodsgnome, Snowdrop

Getting caught up on rest! Feeling better. I really need to eat better as I think that's a huge part of the problem. My m used to give me brown sugar sandwiches (white bread, butter, brown sugar - Eek) as a snack growing up. From her I developed a strong sugar addiction. So I know I need to improve my eating habits but I can never find the motivation. Same with exercise. I know I would feel better! Why can't I start?!

sanmagic7 · September 18, 2019, 04:10:55 AM

i was raised on sugar, too. i think there's a lot of connection between sugar and comfort and what we thought of as love when we were kids. i know that when my d was young and my mother babysat, i'd tell her no sugar (i was doing things differently w/ my girls), but she always went behind my back, snuck candy to my d while i was away.

i think she liked seeing the smile that the sweet treat brought. my d ended up hoarding candy in her room so i wouldn't find it when she got older.

those comfort connections are some of the most difficult to break, i think. i still struggle w/ sugar, altho it's better lately. still, if i go on a binge, i'll eat it till my head hurts. how's that for self-punishment?! maybe that's what it's all about - hurting ourselves, continuing to punish ourselves for our imperfections, failures, whatever.

tough one, for sure.

best to you with doing things differently for yourself, 3r. sending love and a hug filled w/ motivation!

Three Roses · September 18, 2019, 04:18:10 AM

Yup, I've considered that before, the self-punishment aspect. I know it's bad for me but I do it anyway.

Blueberry · September 18, 2019, 12:56:12 PM

Quote from: woodsgnome on September 16, 2019, 03:44:59 PM
The best of rest and hope be yours. And thanks -- for all that you are, your caring, insights, and sharing of wisdom.

Hope67 · September 23, 2019, 08:44:29 AM

to you Three Roses.
Hope

MoonBeam · September 23, 2019, 10:44:01 PM

Hey Three Roses. I hear you with the sugar too. My mom's thing was wonder bread with oleo, white sugar and cinnamon. Geesh. I had totally forgotten about that. I have hope that I'm going to find the inspiration to eat well, to sleep well and exercise soon! I'm really getting how much it affects my body and my sense of well-being. Awareness is the first step to change I'm told. I'm still in the wanting to want to phase, but I'm getting closer. Little shifts will go a long way on this one I think. Start small and keep at it, right?

MB

Not Alone · September 24, 2019, 02:25:24 AM

Quote from: Three Roses on September 18, 2019, 02:07:45 AM
My m used to give me brown sugar sandwiches (white bread, butter, brown sugar - Eek) as a snack growing up. From her I developed a strong sugar addiction.

Wow, my mom too, except it was white sugar. I also have a sugar addiction.

SharpAndBlunt · September 24, 2019, 06:44:02 PM

I have a sugar addiction too, with me it's sweets I just can't seem to stop eating. I hope you're well, Three Roses

Three Roses · September 25, 2019, 04:25:19 PM

Blueberry, Hope67, MoonBeam, notalone, SharpAndBlunt

🥀🥀🥀

I visited a friend over the weekend. I was wondering if we were going to be able to salvage our decades - long friendship.

We talked all weekend, discovering many false assumptions on both our parts. I'm happy to say that everything has been resolved. I see more clearly her situations and see that she honestly cares about me and our friendship; and I also see now how many challenges she faces.

We had a nice dinner and then went to a pub to hear live music. I really let my hair down! I danced and laughed and interacted with others who were there, strangers to me - and had no trouble with the fact I was "visible" (if that makes sense).

Then, the next day, the shame hit. Today, three days later, it's clearing but I can still feel it, still fighting it.

My affirmation today is - I give myself permission to acknowledge I can have fun! I can act in ways that cause others to notice me, and still be safe. I'm worthy of having a good time! I'm worthy of being who I am and being myself. I refuse to accept the shame.

Hope67 · September 25, 2019, 05:48:28 PM

Hi Three Roses,
This is so nice to read that you had such a good weekend with your friend, and that you danced and laughed and enjoyed all those interactions and had fun.

for that.
I am sorry that you're experiencing shame afterwards though, and I'm glad that is clearing.
I want to second your affirmation that you can have fun, if you want to, and that if others notice you, you're still safe. You ARE worthy of having a good time, and you deserve it, in my opinion. You are worthy of being who you are (and I think you're a wonderful person), and I am glad you're refusing to accept the shame, as it has no claim on you. Shaking off that shame, sounds like a great dance to me! Honestly, Three Roses, your friend is lucky to have decades-long friendship with you, and I am so glad that you were able to salvage your friendship, that is precious.

to you, if that's ok.
Hope