Discovery Journal

[SharpAndBlunt]

  TR, if anxiety is that high and it may be helped by something else, that is self care and absolutely not a failure in any way imo. A hug and support to you.

[Three Roses]

Thanks, everyone. 

I really am reluctant to try another antidepressant. She is recommending Welbutrin, generic name bupropion. The list of side effects scares me! The anti anxiety medication (Klonopin, generic name clonazepam) she is recommending has addictive qualities so I'm also a bit scared of that. I have a weakness in that area. But I'm tired of struggling.

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride" to quote an old saying - but I do wish I could motivate myself to exercise because I hear that's a great antidepressant...of course doctors make no money from that so she's unlikely to recommend it. And my eating habits are horrible. I jokingly refer to myself as a carbivore. So a proper diet with regular exercise would be helpful, I think, but I don't feel that I have the ability to maintain the focus needed. Maybe if I do all 4 - antidepressant, anti-anxiety, exercise, proper diet - I will feel better.

I also realize that, being depressed, we have a gloomier outlook. So maybe the buproprion would help give me motivation to make those healthy changes.

[Jazzy]

I can understand your reluctance with this. Sometimes I wish I could get off my medications too, but they do help me.

If its worth anything, buproprion is one of the things I take, and I've had pretty good results with it. Apparently, it helps one quit smoking as well, so I was happy to take advantage of that. Its not a magic cure-all by any means, but it does help keep the worst of it at bay.

Proper diet, exercise, social activities, all that stuff goes along with the anti-depressants. Your doctor probably will recommend that stuff too, especially if you bring it up. My psychiatrist does, every single time I see him.

Anyway, all the best with it. Take care!

[Three Roses]

I now have a prescription for clonidine, and it is helping. The more I think about it, the more I believe I will go ahead with the buproprion she's recommending. I have a follow up phone appointment on December 10 so I'll ask her then. At least I think I will, heh heh. Still very unsure about it given the adverse effects I had with fluoxetine. Of course that was after 30 years of it.

[sanmagic7]

i give you so much credit, 3r, for your willingness to try these meds out, find out which are going to work for you, and which aren't.  i know this was a tough decision to make, but you are doing it.

it's wonderful to watch you progressing as you continue to heal.  as they used to say, you've come a long way, baby!   

love and hugs, my dear.

[Jazzy]

I'm glad to hear its helping. From my research, fluoxetine and buproprion are in different families, they work on different chemicals in the brain... so I would expect your reaction to be different too. All the best with it, whatever you decide. Take care!

[Three Roses]

San, your support is one of the things that keeps me going. Thank you. ❤️

Jazzy, yes, buproprion is classified as an NDRI or norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor. However it "can" cause serotonin syndrome, which I was showing symptoms of. (Bad grammar, I know, but I'm too tired to correct it.)

Here's a link to some info if anyone's interested - https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/serotonin-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20354758

I had a bunch of symptoms of serotonin syndrome which got worse when I upped my dosage (under doctor's orders) and which disappeared when I ceased taking Prozac/fluoxetine. Some were quite serious. At one point I was concerned for my sanity, until I unearthed serotonin syndrome and connected the dots. This I did without the aid of doctor or therapist. So I'm concerned about future side effects. But, I'm also tired of struggling to keep my head above water.

I'm interested in TMS, but this would mean I would have to undergo treatments every day for a week or so, out of town. EMDR is not indicated for me, as traumas began when I was pre-verbal and there were a lot, up to a few years ago. Too much for EMDR to cover according to my Dr.

There are a few other treatments I'm interested in but living out in the boonies puts them out of my reach. In the meantime I'll keep on keeping on. 😉

[sanmagic7]

hey, sweetie,

just a thought.  altho you had problems w/ seratonin syndrome from prozac, maybe, because this new med works differently in the brain, it won't do the same thing for you in that matter.  also, because you've had experience w/ the ss, you'll more readily be able to see the symptoms, and you can get off the wellbutrin before it becomes a problem  just looking for options here.  your warrior spirit is showing right now.

i totally get that idea of not wanting to keep struggling just to keep your head above water.  also the fear for your sanity.  the first is so wearing, and the second is one of the things that terrifies me, that i can feel the fear towards.  2 major, heavy duty issues to deal with.  i'm all for doing what you can to ease them.  i hope this new med works for you.

as you know, emdr is close to my heart.  my trauma  also began pre-verbally.  i'm going to be seeing an emdr t in a few weeks, she'll be working w/ me on that early stuff as well as this other crapola i keep running into.  it's also what i was using on my own (a form of emdr called brainspotting) for my rescripting, and i'd only gotten to 18 mos. so all of it was pre-verbal.  the way i did it worked really well, even tho the aftermath was quite messy for about a week.  still, i'm glad i did it, and i believe it helped w/ some aspects of my unhealthy belief system and distorted perspective, especially about me as a person.  it'll be interesting to see what happens when i have a pro guiding me thru it.

i do hope you find something that helps.     as always, whichever way you choose, i support you totally.  you certainly deserve some peace. sending love and a hug filled w/ angel wings and ems to help lift you.

[Three Roses]

 

Everyone, every single one of you, who have replied on this thread - you're beautiful humans. The love I feel for you as a community and as individuals is truly heartfelt. Together we bravely face a world that doesn't understand - but we do.

[Blueberry]

3R, keep on keeping on!

fwiw my T ruled out ordinary EMDR out for me, attempted brainspotting with no result, and then moved to other methods. Some of the results people mention for EMDR I've had as well through these other methods. Maybe the results are simply part of healing from cptsd irrespective of method?

My T didn't say he was ruling EMDR out because of pre-verbal trauma but because he was worried about it bringing up too much, too fast.

[Jazzy]

Everyone, every single one of you, who have replied on this thread - you're beautiful humans. The love I feel for you as a community and as individuals is truly heartfelt. Together we bravely face a world that doesn't understand - but we do.

That's wonderful, thank you! I hope you find some relief; able to keep your head above water. Take care!

[Three Roses]

 

Today I'm feeling okay. The clonidine seems to be helping with depressing thoughts as well as my anxiety.

Yesterday I had a huge shame attack over a mistake I made, which resulted in me wasting food which had to be thrown away. I woke up still feeling shame and fear. It took a lot of positive self-talk but I'm feeling much better now.

[Snowdrop]

Well done on the positive self-talk. I'm glad you're feeling better.

[Jazzy]

Glad that you're feeling better now! Its okay, everyone makes mistakes... even with food! I hope that you can forgive yourself. Take care!

[sanmagic7]

   funny thing - we're all human!  love you because of that.