How do I say this??

[Deep Blue]

That sounds amazing 3R,
I like how in forgiving yourself you are learning to extend that to others as well IRL.

I say IRL because you always give me an ear, sympathy and understanding so it's not new to us 

[Elphanigh]

This is great to hear Three Roses! Thank you for sharing  It all sounds like huge progress 

[Three Roses]

Thanks! 

[sanmagic7]

that sounds fabulous, 3r.  i echo db in that forgiveness/sympathy/compassion stuff.  it's amazing to me how we can transfer what we are able to do for ourselves in a pos. way to others.  you've worked hard to reach this point.  sounds like it's paying dividends.

glad your sil was able to get out in time, too.  love and hugs, sweetie.

[Hope67]

I'm working on forgiving myself for the EFs I have, and that allows me to also extend forgiveness and understanding to others when they are upset. I think our relationship is healed. Huzzah!

Hi Three Roses,
for everything you wrote - and I am glad you have had this outcome - it is heart-warming to hear.   
Hope 

[Three Roses]

Thanks, San and Hope! 

***

Today I'm thinking about how calm and peaceful it is here. We had a quiet Thanksgiving, just H, our two sons, and me. The food was delicious, H did the cooking and I tackled the clean up. Yesterday there was more cleaning, just housework, and today we're resting quietly.

In typical cptsd fashion, what do I see creeping up on the horizon but worry! Argh. What will the next loop of this journey be? I feel it waiting in the wings.

I know one thing for sure - I have wasted a lot of time thinking about others and giving them space in my head. What do they think, how do they perceive me? And, I'm embarrassed to admit, I've sometimes felt like I had something to teach others. Now I know I have a lot to share, and a lot of personal insight. Sometimes if someone asks, and if I share, they may get something out of it. That's not what I'm talking about here. I mean in the past, I've been a bit of a know it all. This was a defense mechanism, one way to keep myself safe and part of feeling like I had to manage others around me. I'm refocusing on learning from others when I can, and less on what I can say. More input, less output.

So I'm committing (again!  ) to focusing on the only person I can change - me - and on being a blessing wherever I'm invited. I'm committing to sending out eviction notices to all the unhealthy voices and all the opportunistic tenants I've mistakenly allowed to remain in my thoughts. The focus is on me if I want change in my life.

[sanmagic7]

i love those kinds of eviction notices, sweetie.  really cool.

i've done the know-it-all route - still do at times.  i heard this a while ago, and want to make an effort to remember it more often - you can't learn anything when you're talking.  actually, i can't say it's always true.  often, by sharing, i do learn something, like i'm hearing it thru another person or i get a new perspective when i see it in black and white.

so, i think it can go both ways.  often i've had 'aha' moments when writing to someone else on the forum.  it can be tricky.  i think it makes a difference where my intent and focus are.  our minds can play tricks on us when we're least expecting it.

but, i love your new attitude, 3r.  you go, girl.  see, just by writing what you wrote got me thinking about me and what i've often done.  you made a difference for me.   thank you for sharing.  love and hugs.

[Three Roses]

  thanks San!

[Blueberry]

Sounds like two huge steps in a short while! You go, girl!

[Three Roses]

Thanks, BB!
***

Well, didn't I just call THAT one! H is moody, sulking. I tell myself it has nothing to do with me. If he has an issue he has a voice, let him use it. I was indoctrinated into taking care of moody men from before I could speak, it's a tough habit to break. But I'm not going to try anymore to try and control the outcome of situations, and I'm not going to try to manage people's moods for them just to feel safe.

[sanmagic7]

good for you, sweet 3r.  it really can be tough to change these patterns we're so used to doing automatically, but it sounds like your mindfulness is taking over and you're accomplishing your goal.  way to go.   

[Wattlebird]

It's very difficult not to react in the same learnt behaviours automatically so
Well done indeed 

[Deep Blue]

Good job writing that down 3R! Now you can look at it and use it as a reminder to put the things that you CAN control first 

[Blueberry]

It's very difficult not to react in the same learnt behaviours automatically so
Well done indeed 

Wow 3R! You're working hard and it's showing

[Sceal]

 
Brave and important desicion that you've made there, Three Roses! Your H most certainly has a voice he can use if he is upset about something. You shouldn't have to walk around on eggshells because he's in a mood.  , if that is okay?