I Am

[NarcKiddo]

I don't know if you have experience of or interest in IFS or the behaviour of different parts so ignore this if it does not fit for you. But it sounds to me like not so much a full backlash as a fearful part or parts of you making themselves known in response to your progress. Being able to experience what you did and come through it without falling into total dysfunction immediately sounds like definite progress. It might be worth thinking about what is scary about progress and doing well. What does part of you think might happen? Retribution from an abuser? Distrust of yourself? Did they feel ignored while you concentrated on handling the EF while they maybe ineffectually sounded a warning klaxon as usual?

 

[HannahOne]

Ah, the fear of doing well. Hello, old friend. What's your story, what's the word? Lay it on me. I want to hear it all.

[Bach]

I almost quit therapy last week.  I've been conflicted for a long time over feeling really stuck, feeling that my therapist is out of ideas, isn't helping me and that I don't want to do talk therapy anymore, and being afraid to go without therapy because I've been doing it for SO LONG and I can't quite imagine not having that dedicated time every week in which I at least theoretically can talk about my life to someone who is obligated to listen to me.  I've being doing two sessions of talk therapy a week for more than 25 years and at this point my feelings about it are very mixed.  A few months ago I dropped one session a week despite pushback from my therapist that rather alarmed me and made me feel like a naughty child.  Then last week, I finally managed to express to her the depth of my negative feelings about our sessions.  I suppose I expected her to push back the same way, but she didn't.  We had a conversation about it in which she asked me whether I wanted to quit and I said that I felt like I probably did, but I wasn't sure because I was also afraid to.  By then it was the end of the session, so we ended with "talk about this some more".  But then, this week I had some legitimate therapy-type things I wanted to talk about, and my sessions with her tend to be at least reasonably productive when I bring that kind of energy to them.  So I concluded that I'm not ready to quit, which I guess means that I will have to work harder to make it worthwhile.  That might not actually be the worst thing. 

[Blueberry]

I'm interested to read your post Bach, maybe because I'm considering the usefulness of one of my supports rn. That's my thing of course but maybe there's some resonance, like the fear  -  can I manage without? Or maybe reducing the frequency would help? -  You seem to have done the latter.
Take care.

[HannahOne]

Bach, I relate to being in therapy for a long time, and sometimes feeling unsure if it's best to continue or not. I was glad that you and your therapist could have the conversation.