To be able to choose

[Alexandra]

Hello Dolly; Thank you for your support. I am not sure what "IRL ", stands for , as for my friends, they know a very watered down version of my life, our friendship is based on being friends, talking together on noramal topics, and just hanging out.

[NarcKiddo]

I am not sure what "IRL ", stands for

IRL stands for 'in real life' as opposed to just online. People you can communicate with in person.

Even though your friends only know a watered down version of your life I think that is really good progress. You are protecting yourself, and being a considerate friend to them, by not making public issues that neither you nor they might be ready to deal with openly at this point in time. That may change as you get to know them better. I personally find it very important to be able to have more casual human connections. I have major trust issues and the idea of close friends who know too much is terrifying to me rather than supportive. But I get a lot of comfort and pleasure just from normal chit chat and casual hanging out.

I'm sorry your living conditions are not ideal. It's good that you have managed to get to know other people through the church. I don't know if they are aware of where you live and do not choose to come there, or if you have felt it better not to tell them. Either way, I don't think that is necessarily bad. What is not ideal is that you don't currently have a way to find somewhere better. But since you don't right now, I guess it is better for you to spend time with nice people in nicer environments where possible, rather than feeling you somehow have to make where you are feel more acceptable to anyone. The more time you can spend with nice people in nicer environments, the more chance there is that an opportunity to change your living arrangements may crop up.

[Alexandra]

Hello Narckiddo ZG1; Yes, I do enjoy having friends who have led normal lives, I feel reassured , that there is another world, a normal world,and it so nice to have normal relationships . I understand why you do not want to tell more to your friends, for me, I feel ashamed ,and that my friends may think less of me , devalue me ,if they knew more about the abuse,  also my so-called mother told me that " if people got to know me they would not want to know me", thanks to therapy I know to reverse everything that she said about me, as it was really true of her, however, I still have the fear ,sigh , I too, am afraid to trust that my friends, will they be supportive