Letter to my ex-boss -He has majorly triggered me and I don't know why

[brightlight]

Due to recent events with coronavirus and the vital importance it has been for the wider community to connect and help one and other.  I wanted to take the time to air how things ended at *said office. When you started to ignore me by walking away from the staff desk two weeks before I left I felt our working relationship has not been rebuilt.

I was surprised you did this after the meeting with senior manager, my union rep and myself. I understand I aired to Martin I was unhappy regarding my treatment after I had remembered how my harassment had begun. When you accused me on my last day for the third and final time of saying 'She looked at me funny' (she has a squint). This instantly diminished any trust I had left in you. I shouted at you previously because of what you accused me of. Then telling me I would have been disciplined for this as well as speaking to Melony regarding her harassment and shouting at you. You invalidated my harassment and my health when you said this to me. I have not been at peace with any of this since.

This highlighted to me Melony has not been adequately spoken to regarding her harassment which took place and this has not been reported in order to vindicate her about harassing and targeting someone with a mental health problem, a disabled person. (*Boss said I shouldn't have spoken to her as she's disabled (she has mild cerebral palsy) when he instructed me to do so)

I left *said office feeling completely disconnected and knowing I could never go back there. This made me feel isolated and depressed and made my transition to *another branch much more difficult. I wanted a leaving night but after you began to ignore me this was the deciding factor I didn't have one. A cold goodbye from staff after four years of working there further upset me. (I just wanted something 'normal' instead of constant chaos or isolation in my life)

When I found out a night out was arranged 2 weeks rearranged to 5 weeks after I left and Peter (*harasser who started harassment) had invited Melony, someone who harassed me due to my health fueled the above feelings. I felt this was inappropriate and insensitive.

I also find it confusing you said you were busy therefore never had my last lunch with me but said you'd like to come and watch my sports game. I didn't want things to end like this and it started to upset me after a couple of weeks when I realised it had and this couldn't be changed.

I had felt everything in work had become better before the last two weeks at *said office. I'm further upset I don't feel able to contact or ask for advice/support from *said office due to how things ended. The recent improvement at *said office before I left could have had a positive impact on improving my health but instead the ending has caused detriment to my mental health and wellbeing. I hope in time to be able to speak to you on the phone or build some sort of bridge. This will not take away the impact of how you made things end for me.

As the whole country has to isolate, it's a lifeline for everyone to have connections, small acts of kindness and support from people and services most normally take for granted. I hope you can appreciate how frustrating and isolating this can be and come to realise the impact the ending at *said office has had on me.

All the best,

Brightlight

I really want to send this to my ex manager!!

*My manager allowed bullying and harassment after *Peter shouted at me and I was crying for almost an hour. Melony joined in with Peter's harassment and my manager witnessed this and harassed me to move branches due to this. Despite this he was 'nice' to me which felt good. One day he put in for a move without my consent for me to move to another branch. My union rep sent him an email about this. After this he encouraged bullying and harassment from Peter and Melony and completely ignored me. He avoided me on my break/lunch. Melony copied this. I think my manager was trying to make me jealous he was giving her attention. I felt suicidal. I never got help with reasonable adjustments but Melony had positive discrimination from most staff.  My managers 'union rep' and my manager were trying to get me sacked due to my health and aspects of the job he wasn't helping me with. This is the UK, so we have the equalities act, so the above behaviour is very serious. (I believe the behaviour is serious and unacceptable anywhere) *I hope this additional information is allowed - just to help people understand the background.

[Blueberry]

Brightlight, putting in additional information is alright. But I just want to check whether the names are pseudonyms? They should be - both for your and their anonymity.

[brightlight]

Hi Blueberry,

Yes I changed the names and took out the name of where I work. I feel a bit paranoid this letter is up here even with these changes so might take it down.

[Blueberry]

Thanks for confirming about the names.

I can understand feeling worried about having a letter with such detail on here for all to see. I wouldn't call that worry 'paranoia' myself.  I just think with our backgrounds that led to cpstd whatever exactly it all was - for us it's normal to not feel safe when we divulge our thoughts, memories, feelings. The knowledge that I could remove posts of mine if I wanted to was really helpful to me. I've stopped being worried about FOO noticing, but it did take a long, long time for me to get over it.