Unknown caller

[Sceal]

I was sitting on the bus. Pretty worn out, as I am these days.
And my phone started vibrating. There's not alot of people who call me, so I looked at it kind of surprised and I saw it was a number that I haven't put in my phone book. I started sweating, became nauseated. My first thoughts were
"Who is this?.... They've found me. They are going to punish me. They are out to get me!"

I stopped using my social media profile over a year ago, I made a new one. Both on Facebook, twitter and Instagram. And I changed my phone number about a month ago. Very few people has it. Only the most important people got my new number. So who is trying to call me?! I know that there is a high chance that it was just some random person calling the wrong number, or looking for someone else. But I had a full blown out panic attack. Hypervigilant, the voices came back, tension and my paranoia. I've had more and more paranoid thoughts lately. I texted a tech savvy friend and asked if he could look into it to me. He did, he found somone in a different city. But, still it's no guarantee.
They are everywhere. They might be trying to get a hold of me through someone else. It's quite possible!  It doesn't help I noticed they are having a public event near my university soon. And I can't remember the date, and I'm too afraid to look the event up, incase I get too triggered. So I'm stuck. 

[Dee]

I can totally understand this.  I've certainly held my breath answering the phone because I was scared. 

For me, I would have to work on my 5 senses to ground myself.  I would also need to distract myself until I can look at it from a calmer perspective.

[Sceal]

I wasn't able to. I didn't have any space where I felt safe. I was out in public. I rushed home, and locked the door and disengaged.
I feel weak and vulnerable, shameful and scared to the core. I don't feel safe anymore.
And I hate not feeling safe

[LearnToLoveTheRide]

Distress tolerance. Find different things that work for different situations.

I have my private phone. I do not even know the number thereof so no one else could. No calls. Ever

Then I have my public phone. My misery phone. I never answer it. I leave it alone. My voicemail redirects callers to send a text message if necessary. I check once a day.

It's a bit extreme but it helps keep anxiety down.

Good luck. Be safe. LTLTR

[sanmagic7]

i have always hated unknown callers, and have never had caller ID before being here, so i never knew who was on the line before i answered.  people who thought it was funny not to say anything when i answered were brought up short cuz i didn't say hello more than twice before i hung up.  several people i knew learned really fast not to mess with me on the phone.

the time i was paranoid about answering was after i went nc with my d1.  i was so afraid that even if she left a message, it would be some kind of horrible attack, or if i answered and it was her, she'd start in on me and i wouldn't be able to hang up fast enough.   that was a terribly fearful time.  so, i hear you, sweetie, about being afraid of the phone.

this does sound, tho, like it was a wrong number.  you'll know that if it doesn't happen again.  i'm so sorry you don't feel safe now.  that just sucks.   gathering you in a big hug full of protection and love.

[miaoue]

i relate so much Sceal...those thoughts when my phone rings. immediately feeling unsafe. i always think it's going to be the immigration services calling me to tell me to leave the country. if it's not my H calling to gloat that he saw me out somewhere in town. i've tried changing the ringtone but i still jump out of my skin when it goes off. even if i'm waiting for an important call and i want to answer, it takes me so long to calm down and breathe again that i miss the call.

then i look up the number...and it's usually telemarketers anyway.

sending you a few deep breaths through the internet...
   <-- that's the most relevant emoji i could find...

[Sceal]

Sorry I am so late in replying to you. I've been a little dissociated and preoccupied at the same time. Very exhausting combination.

I do have some distress tolerance exercises to do in some situations. But I guess I haven't practiced them lately. And those are still easier when it isn't a panic attack. But I could try and look into one for panic situations too.

I've been so paranoid and scared around my phone for over a year that I turned off all sounds. Of course that made it problematic when my T or GP tried to reach me. But I wasn't always on alert when I removed that. Although I would still panic when other people's phones would go of.   but after getting my new phone and my new number I've felt more safe around callers. My number is hidden, so unless I give it away you can't find it.

Miaoue, that sounds awful. Can you change your number so your H dont have it and can't gloat at the very least?  Changing the number did a lot for me. The stress isn't daily anymore.

The number called me twice again the day afterwards. And it wasn't pleasant at all. But since it was so persistent I dared myself to text the person saying I won't answer unknown numbers and asking who it was.

Turned out it was Mom. She had lost her phone a few weeks ago and had decided to get a new number and phone.  Typical! I told her in light tones how I had reacted and she just chuckled. Ah well, mystery solved. Although, I am now nervous about the phone again