Trapped in flight/freeze cycle

[LittleBird]

I am, as the title suggests, getting worn out flipping between these two states. I feel like I've made some progress and know the direction I'm headed. It's just tiring me out so much because the path isn't clear yet.

I don't know who I can trust or who I can ask for advice in person. I'd really appreciate some advice.

[sanmagic7]

littlebird, i've had those times of utter exhaustion, thinking i've moved ahead, then getting smacked back again, battling once more to move ahead, and on and on.  i don't really have any advice, just that it eventually gets a bit smoother, the ups and downs aren't quite as high and low, and there is a bit more respite in between battles.

i think it's the nature of this beast to go back and forth rather than in a straight line.  i hope you can be gentle with yourself, and just hang tough.  hangin' right beside you.  big warm gentle hug to you.

[LittleBird]

  thanks sanmagic7, this helps

[LittleBird]

I'm constantly fighting myself and recovery is never going to work. I don't have any options or abilities and I'm just a horrible person at the core. I thought I would be nicer if I felt well. That's not true. There is nothing I actually want to decide on. I hate myself.