How long will it take to deal with it all

[Dee]

Recently, I have come to realize a few things about my past.  Mostly, I realized how abusive my marriage was (I didn't get it) and how many years of abuse I have endured.  So I thought I had been abused for 9 years (my entire childhood if counting emotional abuse).  Now I realize it really has been more like 29 years.  I felt despair realizing this.  My therapist has been very patient, bringing up things slowly.  I've recently realized she has known the extent of abuse all along.  She never pushed it, asked a few questions to confirm her suspicions.  She must have known I wasn't ready to confront this.  My thought was and is, OMG, how many years of therapy is it going to take to get over this and can I ever?  Is the best I can do is to have a life that is less than others, but better than it has been, hopefully?  Am I destined for a life that will never be entirely full and all I can do is make it somewhat better and will I never feel what others feel?  I suppose I am going to explore this for what I now think may be a very long time.

[Three Roses]

Dr van Der Kolk talks in his book "The Body Keeps The Score" about the neuroplasticity of our human brain. Once it was believed that our brains were static after we reached adulthood, but research has shown our brains are capable of regeneration, growth and healing. And Pete Walker talks about how, if our behavior and coping skills were learned, they can be unlearned. They're not character flaws that can't be discarded. This makes me hopeful for myself and everyone struggling with cptsd.