What does recovery feel like?

[Laynelove]

I've read that cptsd can be recovered from but not cured. I was wondering if anyone could clear up the difference? I've heard the diabetes analogy a billion times over but I was thinking that if I get to a point where I have 'recovered'...won't it feel like I'm cured because the symptoms won't be bothering me anymore? Is that fair to say?

To what degree can cptsd sufferers recover? 20%? 80%? Is it possible that the reason there is no 'cure' is because cptsd is a new diagnosis and there has been so studies yet?

I know I will always have to stay on too of things to make sure I catch any relapses early...is that the definition of recovery as oppose to curing?

[Dutch Uncle]

Well, I can't speak from experience, but as I recover I am more able to:
1) avoid triggering situations upfront
2) avoid triggering situations as they (unsuspectedly) emerge
3) 'counter' triggering situations with newly learned tools as they emerge and I can't avoid/escape them
4) 'regulate' my responses in these situations, and in the aftermath.

I hadn't heard of the diabetes analogy, so I'm not sure how this fit in. (not in the least since I don't have diabetes, so what do I know?) (I've worked with a diabetic though, but we never talked about it. But I was there when he injected his insulin at breakfast and lunch, daily)

But as far as the "I know I will eat now, and need insulin now and I can't produce it 'naturally' so I'll preemptively will give me a shot now" I guess it fits.
Never saw him getting in a 'hypo' or 'hyper' (all credit to him, obviously) so I can't say anything about that.

I think diabetics can live a 100% productive and satisfying life. Where their diabetes is annoying (at moments) but nothing really bothering.
Again, I could be wrong there.

[woodsgnome]

Excellent question.

Everyone on this site, in one form or another, is in a process of recovery. Just by being here, we admit we can't press on alone and seek advice, pointers, comfort, camaraderie, and more that we haven't found elsewhere. And we hope we can continue to progress.

Percentage-wise, recovery progress is hard to figure and probably fluctuates; so many variables can mess it up. I've gone through cycles where I 'thought' I felt okay and 'relapsed'. Something or someone would trigger me and I'd be back at square one. Still happens; I hate it, but eventually plunge on.

Awareness, as you point out, seems key to turning the corner. As is what I call un-learning. We unconsciously learn all these habitual reactions and behaviours, and slowly recover by un-learning them. That process can be simple, complex, and/or confusing. Pretty frustrating, too, as we tend to go with what we already learned (or thought we did) too well. And all the work to stay on track is tiring, to say the least; pushing the cure factor further out of reach.

Maybe it's best not to aim for that evasive cure, but realize the recovery is ongoing. As you say, "I know I will always have to stay on top of things...is that the definition of recovery as oppose to curing?"

I tend to think it probably is. This may sound strange, but maybe a cure shouldn't even be the goal--it sets us up for disappointment or a feeling of failure if we expect a cure to look and feel a certain way.

One step at a time, easy on ourselves, slowly un-learning/learning. Then we look around, feel better about ourselves, and don't even need a name for it. It'll happen all by itself if we stay on course.     

[obscured]

This is an interesting question.

It seems that for me recovery feels like a life less chaotic, less painful, more enjoyable and with a sense of hope for the future. This is the general trend of how I feel looking at the bigger picture.

Presently I am in a period of emotional flashbacks brought about by the demise of an intimate relationship. So over these last three months there has been lots of pain, emotional chaos, wanting to escape from life via drugs or otherwise and some days where I have felt utterly hopeless and dreading having to live with the way I feel for the rest of my life.

Because I have been in recovery for years I have tools to deal with times like these. I called my therapist when the wheels started to fall off again. I joined this support group when I was diagnosed with cPTSD. I have been in contact with a couple of friends who are able to support me. I have made sure I stay close to my 12 step meetings to avoid a drug relapse. I have done more meditation than usual. I have learned to allow my emotional parts and apparently normal self to communicate in a constructive way (big improvement!).

The situation I am in now is very similar to a situation I was in two and a half years ago. This time around I was quick to identify the problem and get help with the symptoms so I can probably predict with some certainty I will be back to 'normal' within a month so all up this will have been a rough patch of about four months. Compare that to the last time I was in this situation. It took me around twenty months to get myself right. I am pausing to reflect on how I feel about this. I feel confident.

I conclude that recovery is a feeling of confidence that I can live life on life's terms. Over time I grow stronger as I grow from the challenges that life throws at me now that I have been given tools and continue to learn more tools to live with cPTSD. I don't always feel happy or love my life but I definitely feel more confident about getting through the bad times and confident that there will be a lot of good times in the future.

[Cocobird]

I've had problems with depression most of my life. After a nasty crisis a couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with C-PTSD. I was glad about that, because it made more sense about the way I was feeling.

I have gone to my therapist for two years, my Recovery meetings for two years, and on meds forever.

There are still days when I blank out, and can't cope. I used to feel that way most of the time. Now I have good days and bad days. I've learned how to deal with triggers, so that they don't send me down into a hole.

I'm adapting to the changes C-PTSD has made in my brain. I don't like a lot of things I used to love, and I now enjoy things I used to hate.

I'm tired a lot. I also have asthma, so that may account for some of it.

I do feel like I'm on the right path, and heading in the right direction.

[Jdog]

After 3 years of active, hard work on my recovery from cptsd, I can say that recovery feels like having a toolbox next to me which often supplies tools that can assist me when I am triggered or disconnected from my present surroundings.  It feels like getting lost for awhile and then realizing that I have been lost in that particular way before and then found my way back again.  It feels like having a bit of confidence that I am safe even when my mind and emotions are telling me otherwise.

[Dutch Uncle]

Awareness, as you point out, seems key to turning the corner. As is what I call un-learning. We unconsciously learn all these habitual reactions and behaviours, and slowly recover by un-learning them. [...] Maybe it's best not to aim for that evasive cure, but realize the recovery is ongoing. [...] One step at a time, easy on ourselves, slowly un-learning/learning. Then we look around, feel better about ourselves, and don't even need a name for it. It'll happen all by itself if we stay on course.     

I conclude that recovery is a feeling of confidence that I can live life on life's terms. Over time I grow stronger as I grow from the challenges that life throws at me now that I have been given tools and continue to learn more tools to live with cPTSD. I don't always feel happy or love my life but I definitely feel more confident about getting through the bad times and confident that there will be a lot of good times in the future.

Now I have good days and bad days. I've learned how to deal with triggers, so that they don't send me down into a hole. [...] I'm adapting to the changes C-PTSD has made in my brain. [...] I do feel like I'm on the right path, and heading in the right direction.

recovery feels like having a toolbox next to me which often supplies tools that can assist me when I am triggered or disconnected from my present surroundings. [...]  It feels like having a bit of confidence that I am safe even when my mind and emotions are telling me otherwise.

To me it seems there is a common denominator in all our stories here. A connecting "red thread" running through these replies and experiences, as we say in Dutch.
I for one can say I relate a lot with what you all have said here.

And they give me a positive and hopeful outlook on the process of recovery.
Thanks all.