Marcine’s journaling forward

[NarcKiddo]

Intellectual understanding rings hollow.

That resonates. But sometimes it is all we have to fall back on until the emotional understanding catches up.

I found your post very powerful and moving.

 

[Marcine]

Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I must,
And wisdom to know the difference.

That classic prayer continues to offer insights to me.

Acceptance of what I can't change requires me to grieve.
Making necessary change requires a brave leap of faith into the unknown.
Discerning between what is and isn't in my control requires patience.

Above all, I benefit from seeing the truth. I welcome the truth.

Aligning with what's true no longer is a scary, life threatening, criminal, punishable-by-death choice.

It was dangerous to see and speak truth when I was young, little, and dependent on adults who force-fed me distorted falsehoods. I had to swallow the lie that everything was in my control and that I could change anything if I tried hard enough. If things weren't working, then it was my fault.

I was penalized when I tried to draw a line between what truly belonged to me and what was theirs.

Here now, I feel calm and clear-eyed.

I teach my students when they are stumped by a math problem— "start with what you know."

I tell my kids when they aren't sure of the next step forward— "start with what you know."

I tell myself— "start with what you know."

I know this to be true:

- I practice honesty, compassion, and integrity.

- I live a principled life, in alignment with what I value.

- I provide unconditional love, nurturing and protection for my kids.

- I am courageous and fierce in adversity.

- I am a good human being, connecting with other good beings.

That's a good start!

[HannahOne]

You ARE a good human being, Marcine. Living in alignment, with courage. And breaking the cycle. 

Your children, students, and everyone here are so fortunate that you are bringing hard-earned wisdom, borne from pain and hard work of grieving, discernment, and many brave leaps.

[TheBigBlue]

Marcine, thank you for sharing this. It feels grounded, honest, and deeply earned. I really appreciate the way you hold both grief and clarity together, without rushing either one. There's a calm truthfulness here that feels safe to be near.

"Start with what you know" is such a gentle, solid anchor - and what you name that you know about yourself speaks to a life lived with care, values, and love. I'm really glad you shared this with us. It matters, and so do you. 💛

[NarcKiddo]

"Start with what you know.".

I love that.

I also have to accept that what I know is not very much at all because I am still swamped with so much false narrative from the past. But, hey. That is knowing something, and that is a start.

Your statement about the dangers of seeing and speaking truth when young resonates. I'm sorry you had to deal with that too.

[sanmagic7]

i echo NK, marcine - start w/ what you know.  very wise, very solid, very grounded.  i'm glad your kids and your students have you, a good person, a principled person.  there are no better, to my mind, and definitely not enough.  love and hugs, if that's ok.

[Chart]

Thankyou Marcine, your beautiful post came at a very appropriate moment for me. Your words were inspiring and touching.
 

[Marcine]

Thank you for your support and encouragement, friends!

It means so much— you show me that sharing my truth, being true to myself, being myself, being...
Can be safe and connecting... that it's safe to connect with others who are safe and connecting... and who are being true!

Ha! The experience is so new and foreign to me that the words are coming out all funny and wonderfully weird

I'm here to live authentically. Which means knowing my truth. Believing in myself, building safety in my life, taking the next good step, letting courage take charge, putting love into action. And disentangling myself from the barbed lies embedded deep.

Sharing authentically in this journal section allows me to experience connection with others who are choosing to share their process and vulnerabilities.

And together we create this safety and support together. Beneficial synergy.

I live for the win-win situations in life where everyone involved benefits.

So. All these words 

At this moment I feel: self-accepting, joy, and a tinge of poignant awareness of how hard and long the path to here has been.

A nod to that... and a thousand mile gaze out to the vast, possible next steps ahead.

With love,
Marcine

[TheBigBlue]

    

[HannahOne]

Marcine, hooray for self-acceptance, joy, and yes, a poignant sense of what the journey has cost.

That win-win is so important I think. So many times I've ended up on the losing side, I picked the wrong people, or lacked awareness I was losing/what the other person was extracting, or I wasn't able to negotiate when I did notice. Looking for win-win situations is such an important aspect of healing to notice!