The tipping point…

[dollyvee]

I actually don't go to doctors, except for my kids. I don't like to recognize that I am weak or broken or need anything.

I've come across it before in reading, and again recently in some Jay Reid videos, that trauma survivors are so used to things being difficult that that's what's expected. Actually, I think it was probably my EMDR t or my second t who also said, life is already so difficult, why make it harder? Again, I guess it crops up in prediction error ie we think we're going to be living in the same stressful environment over and over, so we have to be primed and "ready," but why not take the easy road? Why not try and get surgery for the hernia, or the shoulder? I think that I felt like this for a long time, and definitely still do subconsciously with some things, and that if I didn't have the fight, or the struggle then what did I have? It was always the struggle (or fear because I never know what is coming) that was familiar and without it, who would I be?

I hope all the best for your outer and inner family in 2026   

[Chart]

It was always the struggle (or fear because I never know what is coming) that was familiar and without it, who would I be?

Indeed, without the Fear, who would I be? Like digging a hole in the sand just where the waves roll up the beach. Every spade I take out comes rushing closed with the next wave. I've seen my Fear clearly for decades now. Many have told me, let go. But each time I try to drop the script of my past, the story seems to stay the same. It takes insane stillness to hear the change in silence. It is so very hard to let go of nothing.

But I shan't stop trying. Thankyou DV, for your thoughts and well-wishes.

[sanmagic7]

hey, chart, i understand that it may feel like fear is a 'nothing', which is why it can make it so hard to be rid of it, but thinking about that, it came to mind that fear is not 'nothing' but a big, fat something taking space in our bodies and minds.  you spoke before about waking up w/ fear, and how your parents would argue in the mornings, so being awake was fearful, actually, while sleep was w/o fear.  that made a whole lot of sense to me, and i can also picture that fear as being large, intense, and terrifying.  but i can also see it as a 'something' that can eventually be addressed and diminished. 

i had a similar situation for quite a while where the idea of living with fear was unknown to me, (while it's the opposite for you) so when i finally began getting some of that emotion back, i didn't know how to live with it.  i wrote here several times that i couldn't understand how people lived in fear for so much of their lives, how they coped, how they went about day to day shadowed by fear.  to feel real fear for the first time nearly dragged me underwater. 

as i keep working on it, continue to change those neural networks, i'm getting a little more used to it being a part of life, but it's taken time and repositioning my thought processes to accept it.  i think any time we look to change something it's important to give ourselves time,  patience, and love.  i hope for those 3 things as you wander thru this forest of fear, taking down the old, dead branches that are better used as mulch for the forest floor and the new growth possible.  love and hugs