Left out

[Gromit]

Hey, I have not been here for a while but, when I return, there it is, a post about the death of an uncle, and that is what happened to remind me of this place.

I received the annual Round Robin letter that my cousins's wife sends out in their cards. My uncle, my mother's brother, died a few weeks ago. Of course, I did not know, so I responded, one of my cousin's nephews had also died, that was in the letter too.

I got an email back, apologies for not keeping me informed about things  and telling me how upset my mother was, maybe this was the time to reach out, life is too short blah blah. Then the information about the funeral which is in January, and local as my uncle still lived in this area (my mother doesn't).

I was pretty upset about the 'life is short' stuff. It brought a lot of things up. I also sent a text to my cousin, offering condolences, and he said he would call.

I did respond to the email from his wife, explaining that life is too short to stay in an abusive relationship, and just said that being a mother myself I grieved what I had never had from my own mother.

When my cousin called, he apologised again. Not sure why, my other cousins never even send cards. For context, my uncle was 92, my mother is 82, I have been estranged since 2007. I last saw this cousin before I had my daughter, who is 20, but we have spoken on the telephone, he lives a long way away. I last saw his sisters before I had children. He seemed sorry that I was left out, seemed to want to make things better? Once his mother had dementia, the only way I ever heard anything was from his wife's Christmas letters.

From him I had the information that my mother was not coming to the funeral, and my sister would be on holiday.

Had a Christmas card from my sister this week, no mention of my uncle, I had not actually heard from her since July. Ah well, I will send her a birthday card next month and say I hope she enjoys her holiday!

Not sure how I feel about meeting cousins again after all these years knowing that they know there is a 'rift' and whatever my mother has told them about that. Not sure I want to suddenly be involved in the family, it is a bit overwhelming. And I feel uncomfortable with him being so nice. My parents always kind of gave the impression that my aunt and uncle were scary, strict.

It hurts to know that nobody cares to tell me about things which are going on. It is upsetting that people think they can tell you what to do without understanding what has happened to you.
G