What is Joy?

[gcj07a]

My wife likes to ask people what has brought them joy lately. And most people actually have an answer! I don't understand that. I don't know if I have ever felt joy. Or, if I have, I don't remember it. At best there are moments of contentment, when active pain is still for awhile. But the emotional suffering is always waiting for me. Growing up the best I could hope for was to be left alone, but I work and have a family and can't be left alone. Which is why there is always pain. I have recently spiraled back into major depression (it comes and goes depending on how well managed my CPTSD is) just in time for the holidays.

[NarcKiddo]

Depression and the holiday season seem to go hand in hand for a lot of us here. I am sorry you are struggling with depression right now and hope you find your way out of it soon.

I think the word joy can be a bit misleading and difficult, especially when it is seen as something to aspire to. I have nothing against joy but it feels like a big emotion, and growing up those were always dangerous. I think big emotions also should be fleeting, whether good or bad. Contentment is what I tend to look for these days. It feels comfortable (now I have come to recognise it) and achievable, which is a big step forward.

[gcj07a]

Thanks NarcKiddo! I appreciate your perspective.