Sudden waves of sadness

[Silveris]

Sorry for replying late - time and me are not on the best of terms as of late... Thank you all for replying and I'm glad that others can relate or feel seen.

i was utilizing EMDR therapy, which brought up the emotions i hadn't been aware of at the time

I've started seeing a therapist and we've touched on EMDR a little but not much yet. Still, with their guidance I've had a few breakthroughs with unraveling some emotions I haven't felt before. Namely sympathy and anger. Sympathy/pity for myself back then as a child, and indignant anger for the child having to endure dangerous situations. I have never felt sympathy for myself or harbored any grudges but I'm glad I've unlocked new emotions in my disposal. These achievements paired with getting more in touch with my emotions via somatic exercises helps to navigate the mental landscape and gives me a bit of insight into why I have these rare outbursts.

extremely strong emotions, such as anger, have often built up over time, have settled within me without me knowing about it, and then the straw breaks that camel's back, and i kind of explode. over time

By now I can better understand that I'm in a volatile state but it's not a total control or understanding. I'm still not sure what exact emotions are simmering and marinating inside, but I can guess better. But I have noticed a thing in the past few months. During hard times when my mental state is undermined, there can be triggers that tip the scales. Usually it's something small, like a sentence I read or an image I see. For example a song I was listening to had a lyric "You're hailing from a broken home" and it made me immediately tear up and lose composure. Something in me related and resonated with it so much it was a breaking point then and there. Or earlier, I was watching a documentary about Chris McCandless, the guy who traveled the country and retreated to the nature to escape the world to live in peace and solitude. He died alone but died happy and has lived more than most of people ever will. His life and story made me break down multiple times as I resonated with the primal desire to just go away and be free.
What I'm saying is that I've noticed some triggers that make be break down and I can see some of them, but others are less noticeable and their effects can show later and unprompted. It doesn't fully explain the sudden waves of sadness but at least I see some connections now.


Anyway, thank you for your feedback and insights. I hope your emotions become easier to manage and I wish you best of luck with your EMDR therapy.