Hope's Journal 2025

[Hope67]

Thank you Blueberry 

Thanks NarcKiddo & SanMagic, I appreciated what you each said   

********
26th September 2025
Today has been quite a good day - I felt some happiness at different parts of the day, and enjoyed a particularly tasty meal in the evening as well, and was thinking that I'd like to enjoy those moments.  I did enjoy them.  I hope the feeling will stay for the evening.  Very nice.

[StartingHealing]

Hi Hope

Those moments of happy are such a wonderful thing.  Glad that you experienced them.

[Hope67]

Thanks StartingHealing 

*********
27th September 2025
Still some remnants of the happy feeling today - although I must admit that the morning is a bit of a challenge today - a few things haven't gone to plan, but it's not too bad. 

[NarcKiddo]

I'm glad the happy feeling is sticking around, at least to some extent. Sorry to hear that things haven't all gone to plan this morning but it sounds like you are dealing with it well. 

[Hope67]

Thanks NarcKiddo 

*******
9th October 2025
I was thinking about journalling as a result of something someone had said, and decided I'd pop in to write something here today.  I have been reading a book called 'Flex Your Feelings: Train Your Brain to Develop the 7 Traits of Emotional Fitness' by Dr Emily Anhalt, and it's proving to be really helpful to me.  It's helped me to unpack some unresolved experiences from a previous workplace/and other workplaces prior to that as well, and also has proved helpful with thinking about relationship issues and communication.

I related to what Dr Anhalt wrote on p.138: "Whether it's because success would mean that things will change or because on some level you believe you don't deserve it (shame), you may subconsciously slow your ambitions" - I relate to this, as I often hope to do something creative but have a real block on being able to effectively start any project etc

p.130 "Remember, a relationship, job, or experience does not have to last forever for it to have been worth having or doing."
I found this really helpful - as I've felt so much guilt about the fact I gave up my profession.  It's only been in recent months that I've felt able to think 'I'm retired now'  Maybe I can enjoy life for me, and not dwell on the fact I no longer do my job. 

On p.149 she said "People may forget what you said, but won't forget how you made them feel." - I find this really poignant. 

Wow, I've just found this quote that is from Donald Winnicott, and which Dr Anhalt included on p.200 of her book "It is only in playing that the individual is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self."

I'm considering that quote, and thinking that whilst I was able to 'play' as a child on occasions, there was often the stifling influence of my M who might dictate 'how' I might play, or with whom, and in what way, and that she stifled it on numerous occasions, and therefore the whole personality couldn't blossom - and maybe my ability to 'play' as an adult is also stifled, and that's why I can't progress in attempting something creative, as I feel guilt/stifled/prevented.  BUT I want to break through that, and hope that I will do so, so that I can be creative, and I can explore the entirety of my personality.

Looking back at other notes I wrote, I noted in p.51 that she wrote "It's not your experiences but your reflection on your experiences that leads to change." - I have certainly been doing much more exploration of past memories using bilateral stimulation, and it has definitely been helpful to me. 

p.41 "Mindfully sit with unpleasant thoughts and feelings without stuffing them down, avoiding them, or numbing them." - I like the fact she said this, as I have been leaning into feelings, rather than avoiding them, and I feel I am learning/growing as a result of that.

Incase anyone is reading this and wonders what the 7 traits are that Dr Emily Anhalt lists, they are:
Mindfulness
Curiosity
Self-Awareness
Resilience
Empathy
Communication
Playfulness

Something that felt very emotional to me, was reading on p.54 that she said "...part of her believed that she did not deserve to be treated with love and respect because she wasn't treated that way as a child."  I really related to that.  I felt it in my younger selves, and my older selves reach out to comfort those parts, because I care about them, all of them.

Parts of me are concerned that I'm talking about all of these things here.  Like I'll get into trouble for speaking about it. 

Telling myself, it's ok.  I'm not doing anything wrong writing about any of these things.

*********
Anyway, I am finding the book helpful. 

Hope

[sanmagic7]

thanks for writing this, hope.  i like the idea that you were able to talk to yourself, tell yourself it's ok to write your experience/feelings down, and then listen to what you said to yourself.  i think that's big.  i also really like that the author said any kind of relationship has value in itself, no matter how long it lasts.  i do think we can learn from everything we do, whether it was pos. or neg., and move on if that's what's needed.  i do not think that because something doesn't work out for us long term it means it was a failure, or we failed.  to me, the important thing is that we gave it a shot.

sounds like some pretty good stuff you're learning.  i like it.  love and hugs

[NarcKiddo]

 

I'm glad that you are finding the book helpful. It sounds very good. Thank you for sharing those extracts. I'm also glad you are reassuring the parts of you that are concerned about you writing here.