Healing journal (tw) Angering / strong emotions

[StartingHealing]

13 April 2025

Busy weekend.  Got one car back up.  I swear people who have never held a screwdriver are designing vehicles.  Sigh.  Got the other one done as well but the sound of it while running has changed and I'm uncertain if it's in running condition for being on the street.  Making progress and yet, still frustrating for me.  I realize that my skill set with working on mechanical things is relatively rare and getting rarer by the decade.  And yet, I'm still frustrated with it.  Don't know if my frustration is from an expectation I have for myself or if it's me running into the limits of my know-how or what.  Sigh.

Need to get moving on doing other things for getting ready for the coming work week. 

Wishing all here, all the best

[StartingHealing]

16 April 2025

Emotions are running high of late. Lots of feelings happening at the moment.  Trying to define them actually.  More onion peeling off perhaps?  Sadness, grief, frustration, wondering about forward? movement yet questioning the direction?  Odd.

Have work to do.

Blessings to all here

[StartingHealing]

04-17-2025

Well, balls.  Still having the feelings of being 'unmoored' / dare I say lost?  Anyway.  Work is almost over for today.  did get things moved forward some.  It appears that new desktop is workable.  Gonna pull the drives from the old one and turn them into external storage.  Have DoD level softs that will erase data to a point where nothing can be recovered.  Or perhaps I'll donate everything after the wipe.  Nah, gonna rid myself of the box because it is from the time with the former spouse.

Wishing all here all the best

[StartingHealing]

4-18-2025

The feeling of being unmoored continues.  Even the AM walk with communing with Spirit hasn't settled it out.  As if my compass lost it's magnetism and I can't get a bearing.   

IDK.  With me, having a external impetuous that was driving the decision making / physical actions I undertook was a fairly constant thing for the majority of my lived experiences.  Now some 2 or is it 3 years on (I honestly don't remember off the top of my head when the legal process was final on me becoming single again)  I do remember that it was on my birthday. If I take it as a message from the Universe.. Anyway, yeah, backtracking with how long I've been renting the current place with the re-up of the yearly lease.. was 2023, so coming up on 2 years next month.

No lie, there are still occasions that I find my emotions running high on that situation and how nothing about it was a fair shake in my opinion.  Knowing that karma happens, I haven't done anything to have negative karma come a calling, and I do know that with the pattern of behavior she has, it's not going to end well for her and along the way there will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth on her part.   I know that because of the years in which I saw it play out, time and time again. 

There are times tho, sigh. 

Really what I would like to see is her going away completely.  No continuing claim on the money I am exchanging part of my life for.   Along with her progeny.  Unfortunate that even with knowing, he still acts in the ways that do not move him forward.  TBH if it wasn't for me, he would be up a well known tributary without any means of locomotion.  Turns a hand up into a hand out and ... unfortunately I co-signed a car note even with it being under duress from the former spouse, aaannnndddd... yeah. Would be nice for that situation to resolve as well.

Don't wish either of them any harm.  They do that well enough by themselves.  I want to be clear of both.  Holding no ill will, just wanting to be clear of those hangers on from the past would be to me a wonderful thing. 

Wishing all here all the best.

[StartingHealing]

19 April 2025

I think that I'll be putting some data here for others that I have found / am using in regards to health. This is just me, after doing the research for me.  This is not medical advice. 

 Methylene blue is a definite help.  Focus and general mental well being improved. 

Added liposomal glutathione which is a massive anti-oxidant.  Definitely helps with the bodily repair / recovery. Seen the effects after only 1 dose last night.

DMSO is also another substance that is having a good effect.  Come to find out that DMSO helps in a lot of different ways.  The spots on my skin that were not 'normal' skin have been reverting into normal skin and it also helps on scars which I have a few.  Even with topical application, it does distribute through the body fairly rapidly.  There are studies that show eyesight improvement as an unintended side effect, some from increased cell activity in the retina, some from cataracts clearing.  Pain reduction etc.

Like most things that are helpful in many ways.. the 'sickness management' industry demonized it and pushed it out of the zeitgeist, just like methylene blue, keto / carnivore / sunlight / etc. 

Will not go down that route in this post. 

read up on DMSO on substack.com/@amidwesterndoctor, has links to the studies that have been done on DMSO, etc. etc.

Been going to the chiropractor on the regular, several times a week, and yet the same areas having the same issues, going on for months now.  Finally asked why, and they said that probably weak tendons / ligaments etc.  For some reason that set me off and now am taking a joint / tendon / ligament supplement that I heard about from a former airborne green beret ranger with 33 years of service under their belt.  They credit this supplement with getting them to not being locked up due to joint / tendon / ligament damage from their activities in the military.  Will give it a go. 

That supplement uses certain biological pathways to help the rebuild / strengthen while DMSO uses differing pathways which also helps with the rebuild / strengthen. Perhaps there is some synergy that could happen in getting the physical back to a better level of being. 

Wishing all here, all the best

[Chart]

Hey SH! Thanks for all that info. What is the tendon/ligament supplement you're trying?
 

[StartingHealing]

How you doing Chart?   Sure thing.  If you have any more questions, I'd be happy to answer.

The supplement is "Finish line Fluid Action H A"  can find on ye ole amazon. here's a link. https://www.amazon.com/Fluid-Action-Joint-Therapy-Fl/dp/B001CCZOS8  Will warn you that it is a veterinary product. For horses, dogs, and cats. Think a human fits in there as well. 

the dosing is 1oz a day for 15 days, then 1/2 oz every other day for 15 days, then 1/2 oz, 2 or 3 times a week based on how the bod is feeling.  Take after a meal.

 Has lots of good stuff in it.  Today was 3 doses in and with the other items on my vit / mineral / herb stack, can definitely feel a difference. Have the tender feeling like the 3rd or 4th day after you have really pushed yourself hard and the muscles have almost fully recovered, and the sore spots I've been dealing with since, let me math, almost 3 years?!?!    judas I've been fussing with them that long?}  OMG.. That blows me away, are definitely better.  Hope that it's the 'fix' I've been looking for.  No masking of pain, etc.  Does feed the bod the raw material for healing not only tendons / ligaments. it also helps with the fluid within the joints as well.

forgot to mention that DMSO also helps with reversing varicose veins. Also off amazon.  get the 99.9% pure, in glass, cut with distilled h2o to whatever strength so it doesn't irritate the skin.   https://www.amazon.com/DMSO-Bottle-99-995-Dimethyl-Sulfoxide/dp/B01BSYQ0XC .

Wishing all here, all the best

[Chart]

Thanks SH! I ordered the joint therapy stuff today. Will take awhile to get over here (to France) but there were no hitches for overseas shipping. Will keep you posted.
Big hug!

[StartingHealing]

23 April 2025

Chart:  Fingers crossed that there isn't any hiccups in shipping.  I do feel better physically overall.  Ensure you have plenty of sleep along with it.  Something that I need to do more of myself 

Also been noticing some things going on with ye olde emotional stack as well.  Don't know if it has to do with the addition of the HA and liposomal glutathione or is it some sort of sub-process that is running in my thinking meat?  Multiple things, one the one hand I have been having the feelings that in some manner I need to 'level up' with various things, that I can savvy because of how constricted I was in the time with the loose cannon.  Sads, lots of sads for ... don't have a specific reason like something is / has happened in my daily experience.  Reckon it's another layer of onion peeling off. 

Wishing all here, all the best

[Chart]

There might be a wave of "malaise" sweeping through the species and/or community (or at least the highly sensitives). Me too I'm flattened at the moment. Noticing it in many others as well. Season transition perhaps. I took a day-long drive through the countryside on Tuesday, Spring in full ebullience, everything coming to life. For some reason this accentuated the internal sadness. Perhaps because I was alone? No one to share it with? Don't know... We've more questions than minutes... Hugs and more hugs!

[StartingHealing]

Hi Chart.

Methinks that you are correct.  Had comms with my spiritual mentor and they indicated that they were having a time of it as well. The message I was given was that the universal energies are in upset currently.  Also that currently is a time of reflection. 

The changing of the seasons.. Here in the desert southwest when the rains come, that's when the blooms explode across what was brown that overnight turned green and vibrant.

Thank you very much for the hugs 

May all the brave souls here, find peace.

[StartingHealing]

25 April 2025

Last while has been a time of it.  Lots of emotional turmoil.  Some self imposed. Weird how a expectation of a certain outcome in a certain time frame has messed with me.

Well, nigh on 3 years and the physical bod, while better, is still fussing with things.  I reckon that it's a mix of emotional juice that is still bleeding out + physical damage from the years with the BPD. I am thankful for the progress. 

 I'm not one to get spun up over things generally speaking because of the "is this gonna matter in a year?  5 years?"  which I admit was weaponized against me during that time.  For now, seeing benefit from the current supplement stack.  Do feel better overall.  Could go off on a rant about food, forever chemicals, etc.  It is what it is and I believe I'm best served by doing what I can where I can and keeping my over vibe as positive as possible. 

Wishing all here, all the best

[StartingHealing]

28 April 2025

Well (very hot place).  Found out that a person associated with where I worked went on to a new adventure on the other side of the veil.  Unknown the when and how.  Wasn't that old either, late 40's, early 50's in my estimation.  He had some issues, shoulder surgery last year.  Work is doing cards and those will go with flowers some time this week.  From my experience he was a solid guy.  Married, kids, generally friendly towards everyone, cared about what he did work wise and family wise. 

Plant lead was the point of contact for the message.  It really hit them hard. 

I feel for the family of the one who has passed on. 

This was a major punch in the gut for me.  Various things, how much life is in front of me?  Where am I headed in my path?  Very unsettling. 

Wishing all here, all the best.

[Chart]

SH, yeah, I feel I'm doing better and better, but exterior events still have a greater than wished impact on me. I wonder if that will settle a little with time...

The Fluid Action Ha Joint Therapy arrived! Will start taking it tonight. In your opinion take in the evening before sleep or mornings?