Sage's Journal

[CactusFlower]

So, that is going well. LOL I joined the two main "virtual tabletops" sites, Roll20.net and D&DBeyond.com. Easy to use, good tutorials. I do prefer roll20 in general, but that's just me. I also joined the Mythic Guilds discord server, where quite a few DM's run all kinds of games, and note if something's beginner friendly. I did the second session of a game this past Sunday. Good DM, 4 other players, and it's a beginner one-shot campaign. I'm really enjoying it and they're very nice people. Fun to play with and we're doing a little role-playing on the discord server set up just for the game in between Sundays. I'm glad I took the leap for this.

On another positive note, I found the most wonderful stuffed animal! Plushiedreadfuls.com, they make stuffed animals that symbolize various mental and physical illnesses. I was on the waitlist for them developing the CPTSD bunny and ordered it when I was notified. It did take about a week and a half shipping, but she's here and I love her! All her symbolism is just spot-on and beautiful. CPTSD Bunny  I'm going to call her Judy, after Judith Herman, then researcher who coined the term in the first place. And she might look expensive, but wow, the quality... She came in a tote bag with the artwork of the bunny on it, in a protective zip bag, IN a padded envelope. And they also included a free ballpoint pen of another design. I don't know anyone with it, but I have a BPD bunny pen now. The thought and care that went into this design is obvious, and she is SOOOO soft. (The rabbit has no gender, I'm just choosing to make it her.)   Seriously check them out, great stuff.

Holiday plans are just dinner Friday with the BFF and bro as usual. Pre-made meal to reduce effort and pain, but he's making his special cranberry sauce which is awesome. (BFF has previous arrangement for tomorrow, and we don't care which day we get together.) I'm very thankful I only deal with chosen family.

[Chart]

Thanks for the links, CF. The Cptsd bunny is TOO much! Wow, incredible. Thanks!

[AphoticAtramentous]

Love to hear it, CactusFlower. The bunny is adorable, and I can very much appreciate the symbolism there too.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[CactusFlower]

I am just all over the place today. The pre-made meal I ordered for our holiday meal is terrible. The turkey breast would barely feed 2 people, certainly not the 3-4 they claim, and it's dry as *.  Fortunately, I had a bunch of pork ribs I put in the crockpot this morning so we have enough meat. Bro is going to the store in a moment here to get potatoes I can cut up and roast, and some stuffing, because again, not enough. So I not only wasted money on cruddy food that won't be enough, I'm still doing the work I didn't want to do and was the point of having everything pre-done. I also had added on a sweet potato casserole for bro and I (BFF can't eat that cause he can't do sugar, we have a SF pie for us 3), and it can't be eaten because the seal was unsealed and it's no good. I sent a long, very unhappy email to the company with photos attached of all this. But I am really struggling. Even though I know Bro and BFF don't care and will be happy with anything, my gut feelings are so much shame and sense of failure and depression. Part of me really wants to just go to bed, even though it's barely 1pm.

[Hope67]

Hi Sage,
I'm sorry that the pre-made meal you ordered hasn't turned out to be ok.  That is disappointing for sure.  I hope the company will be able to put that right, and I really hope that you and Bro and BFF will be able to having some enjoyable times together despite all of that. 

 
Hope

[Armee]

Aw Cactus Flower. I'm so sorry. I hate that the result is shame, a sense of failure, and depression when it was not your fault and the company that stole your money for bad food is at fault and deserves your anger (and to refund you). I hate that CPTSD causes the reaction to turn inward instead. I hope this EF has lifted by now.

Love the bunny too.   

[AphoticAtramentous]

Sorry to hear that CactusFlower. I understand your frustration and fears.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[CactusFlower]

Unsurprisingly, no response from the company about the dinner at all. So to heck with them, they just won't see any more of my money than necessary. (only place with edible sugar-free pies for my BFF) Sad. Just been semi-blah since then. The D&D game on Sundays is good, but we're skipping this coming Sunday due to the DM having family in. At least the rest of us can roleplay by text in the Discord server until then. I've been using up smaller amounts of yarn by crocheting dice bags. Even if I don't need them, it's a fun and useful way to try new stitches and patterns, and use up otherwise pointless stash. But the rest of the time has been vaguely dull and depressing. I'll talk to my therapist about it today. I also need to set a Dr. appt to get refills on meds and maybe meet the new doc. I haven't been to her since switching insurances earlier this year. Let's just hope there's any appts before the end of the year. Ugh. My blah-ness means I really just don't want to deal with it, but I have to.

[CactusFlower]

Well, that was a nightmare and a half. I am so exhausted and hurting just from the stress. Nearly 2 hours worth of calling clinics, sorting through the covered providers the insurance company lists... 4 pages into the list and they're either not actually accepting new patients, aren't at the location the insurance says they are, can't schedule in January because... software?, or in 2 instances, are NOT primary care physicians! Seriously, 4 pages in and I finally found someone who was A) covered, B) where they are listed as, and C)accepting new patients.  Thank the gods, they even had an appointment in a couple weeks. This is utterly insane, I've worked in health insurance and never seen a provider search so inaccurate, even at year end. Wow. I still have to call the insurance back and actually officially set this person as my PCP, but I cannot deal with them any more today. Nuts.

[Blueberry]

I'm sorry for all the hassle with insurance providers and that the pre-made meal you ordered specially didn't turn out OK. It's not your fault, not your shame but I understand feeling that way  

[CactusFlower]

HUG thank you!  And the universe then reminds me good things happen too, as I received a holiday card and poem in the mail from a cool online poet, and the foot massager I ordered arrived. *shrug* Okay, thanks, LOL

[AphoticAtramentous]

Well, that was a nightmare and a half.

It really does sound like it!    Taking a break from it all seems like a good idea so am glad you did so! Sorry it's been such a rough ride though.

Regards,
Aphotic.

[sanmagic7]

dang, CF, what a nightmare, indeed!  i agree, that dinner was NOT your fault - totally on the company, and shame on them for such shoddy work.  is there a chance to put a review on yelp or something?  that's totally unacceptable!

i hope the rest of this month and the upcoming holidays are smoother for you (hate that ins./pcp shtick!).  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

Alas, san, there's nothing a review would accomplish. I'm just hoping this new provider I see in about a week works out. I have some other things to talk to my therapist about tomorrow, then maybe I'll post them here. Just very down in general lately.

[sanmagic7]