Not Alone: 2022

[Bach]

Not Alone, I often feel overwhelmed by the prospect of travelling and am unable to feel excitement about upcoming trips no matter how much I want to go on them.  Even though most of the travelling I do is to see people I love and/or to do things I care deeply about doing, the lead-up is almost always filled with angst and even dread, and the excitement doesn't come until I'm out of the house and on my way.  I guess that's yet another thing that we have to accept that we don't process "normally" and might not get to feel what we're "supposed to" feel about. 

I wish you calm and regulation, good circumstances, and an enjoyable and satisfying time with your friend 

[Armee]

I feel unreasonable rage dealing with the automated customer service lines and then the piece of crap solutions that are offered. I've had several of these in the past 6 months and I too feel ashamed at the amount of rage I feel inside. And yet I'm willing to bet any external reactions you have are very mild compared to what customer service reps are dealing with regularly.
.I'm sorry your phone is not working and the solution they want ro offer is to "just" buy a new one. That's not ok financially or environmentally. Phones are so expensive!

[CactusFlower]

I agree with armee, that's not really a reasonable fix. I would be overwhelmed and angry in that situation as well.. I hope it gets resolved well for you and that you're able to enjoy your trip. gentle hugs if you want them.

[rainydiary]

Not Alone, I am not in a place to process much right now yet I am here and part of your community.  I appreciate what you share as it helps me feel less alone. 

[Not Alone]

TW


Dark weekend. Ended up doing some self-harm. I'm less in crazy-land now. See T tomorrow.

[rainydiary]

I am thinking of you. 

[Armee]

Gentle hugs if that's what you need, and plenty of acceptance. You were in a lot of pain.

[Snowdrop]

I hear your pain, Not Alone, and how yucky everything is. I'm there with you in spirit, sitting with you, listening, and offering whatever care brings comfort to you. I'm bringing you a comforting cup of tea, and putting a soft blanket round your shoulders.

I hope seeing T helps.

[Bach]

Thinking of you, Not Alone 

[CactusFlower]

Adding to the group hug and thinking of you... 

[Not Alone]

Thank you for your replies and support. It brought a tear to my eye.

I'm still feeling pretty shaky and the Part who was so present this weekend is still very up front. I'm no longer feeling the need for SI. The phone situation has not changed. Besides being awful on its own, it has triggered many, many feelings. Therapist understood how and why the phone thing was so distressing. He said I was safe. I'm trying to remember that.

I've spent hours trying to fix the phone problem. I need to try and put that problem on the shelf until I return from vacation. It is causing me so much agony and distress. That makes it hard to set it aside for a week. That might be better anyway, because hopefully by then I can deal with it from an adult mind and not from a highly triggered state.

[sanmagic7]

sending caring wishes as you go thru all this.  by the by, i'm getting to the point, finally, where i'm more able to let go of the 'supposed to's' and what's 'normal' for others.  it just ain't gonna happen!  like you, notalone, trauma can get in the way of the simplest things, turn them into awful.  ugh!  love and hugs

[rainydiary]

Not Alone, best wishes preparing for your trip. 

[Not Alone]

Thanks, San and RainyDiary.

I am back from my trip and overall it went well. There were some parts that were a bit difficult, but manageable.

My frustration level feels high right now from people in the house not cleaning up after themselves. Nothing different about that, but my irritation is higher than it usually is.

The phone drama continues. I had to sent the phone to the company. Hopefully they can either fix it or give me a replacement. That means I'm cut off for one to two weeks. I hope it is resolved and returned very quickly.

The phone issue has stirred up new memories. Right now it's like I have ten puzzle pieces (to the memory) out of a 300 piece puzzle. The feelings are high. Having T hear, know and believe makes it much more manageable.

[rainydiary]

I get frustrated with being the only one really that cleans up at home.  I hope you transition back to home with ease and the phone gets resolved soon.