What are the strengths of CPTSD?

[Pioneer]

I've been gradually processing the strengths that come with having CPTSD.  I've felt strengths and I've seen some great strengths in this forum. I wanted to share some of my thoughts and I would love to know what you all think, too.

I know it's really hard to know that there are upsides with CPTSD especially when our lives are overwhelming and full of turmoil, but maybe if we can write some things down when we can think of them they'll be healthy reminders when we're feeling down.

I see a lot of irony in the strengths that come from CPTSD:

1) We have suffered from lack of love and empathy, but I see more love, acceptance and empathy in this community than in many places. We are able to touch each others deep places of pain because we have walked through those dark places and we have a desire to comfort.

2) We tend to feel broken, exhausted and afraid, but we are are courageous - evidenced by the fact that we have survived this far and we just kept going despite how we feel.

3) We have been shamed and harmed by family or members of our community, and yet we have this deep sense of need for community. We feel like we need one another and are drawn to one another (even if it takes a while to feel safe to share), while culture around us is very individualistic and tries to prove that they can do it on their own.

4) We have been damaged by intense arrogance and treated in inhumane ways. And yet, we have a deeper sense of our own humanity. We see that we have needs, responsibilities, ways we need to change, ups and downs, improvements and victories. We are human. We realize that pretending isn't enough. We need to be real in order to heal and to be ourselves.

All that to say, I really value each of you and I see some of the great strengths that come out from you. 

[saylor]

I think there are a few ways CPTSD has helped me navigate my way through life, even though some of these same traits have also had a negative side to them

- I have lots of difficulty with trust, and am often wary—the plus side is that I've avoided a lot of dangers because I don't just blindly trust ppl and dive into bad situations

- I'm observant (good at reading ppl, etc.). and I carefully collect lots of data, so I generally make good decisions

- I'm great at anticipating problems and plan well to forestall them (it's the positive side of catastrophizing)

[Bella]

Hi Pioneer!
Thank you for writing this post. I think it's so important to get som balance into our perspective of things, especially since we (at least I) tend to see things very black and white. During any EF, big or small, there is just no such thing as anything positive. Just hopelessness and doom.
I agree to what you have written to. Even though I find it difficult to see those strengths in my self.

[Bermuda]

This is a really great topic. I think about it quite often.

When I had my son I realised that my sleep issues really aided in caring for him. My partner finds it very difficult to wake up, but when my son so much as rolls over, I am right there by his side completely alert. He has never needed to cry to get my attention.

I am an animal rights activist and a human rights advocate, and this is hugely because of my trauma. I am able to relate to suffering on a deep emotional level and I also know how to stop it. If I never had CPTSD I would not be animal rights activist, and never would have questioned any social norms.

I  suppose this leads to questioning social norms. I question everything. I never do something simply because it is what people do. That's exausting, but I feel that it is a good thing. Feeling like an outsider already has made me less susceptible to just going with the flow. I've had to literally build what I think a flow looks like from square one. This has helped me a lot in my academic persuits, and also in raising my little one. We do things differently.

I suppose, although I am really rigid in my morals, I'm really flexible and adaptable socially and culturally. Because I never had anything, I am generally fine in different economic and cultural environments just because I had to learn what is normal as I went. I'm still learning what is normal as I go, and that feels like a regular ongoing process. I am accepting and open despite my many peculiarities.

Also, I react very quickly and have a strong survival instinct. This has actually helped me out of real life danger, not just CPTSD danger or ongoing trauma danger, but situational danger. It's allowed me to help others out of danger.

I guess feeding on that. I can create things out of seemingly nothing. I make things and I fix things, and I figure things out. I'm resourceful and ingenuitive. I can make food, shelter, clothing. I have had to teach myself real life skills. I have had to use these real life skills.

For all the terrible aspects of dealing with trauma, I can't actually imagine what life would be if I hadn't suffered. When people ask if one can heal, I have no idea what that would mean, because my trauma didn't just shape my brain but also the entirity of my being. I may be stuck in trauma-mode, but I also can build an undetectable emergency underground fort, so there. Maybe I have to share that story sometime.

Life.

[woodsgnome]

While I'd never 'volunteer' to experience any of the trauma, I do feel that I've been able to divert at least some of the negatives of cptsd into areas where I could at least feel a bit better about myself, and life in general, despite the odds that once seemed only stacked against me.

One example: using my high degree of hypervigilance and its dissociation counterpart. While I suffer from social awkwardness with both of these factoring in, there was a time, for instance, when the hyper reactions were advantageous -- when I was an improv/role play actor. This activity (which I'd never planned for either -- I was too 'shy') requires lots of quick verbal responses in short order. So my hyper-nature (although it's never obvious to others, I've found out) I was able to use to my benefit.

On the other hand, the hypervigilance often wore me down to the point where afterwards a sense of dissociation would set in and I'd want to, and sometimes did, just disappear (mentally).  In retrospect, I once felt ashamed that I was prone to this, but as my T has pointed out numerous times, dissociation is a natural response to trauma-induced hypervigilance. Traits resulting from cptsd aren't always detrimental in all situations. We have to learn that, though; there's no easy ride here.

The concept of mindfulness is in vogue these days, it seems. According to Pete Walker's book on cptsd, many freeze types such as myself have a tendency to be somewhat mindful. While I prefer to define this as heartfulness, it's another example of how living with cptsd is not all necessarily negative.

Perhaps this mindful/heartful tendency contributed to a heightened sense of empathy. This trait was especially noticed during times I spent working with people on two ends of life's spectrum -- pre-school children and those in hospice care. Despite my usual people-fears, working with these sorts I was good at -- perhaps as I found they had no secret agendas, but just needed help. I so wanted, and needed, to do for them what I'd never experienced -- a way to touch and be touched by people who weren't out to hurt me.

There's other examples from my experience, but they all speak to what this thread has covered so well -- it helps to be open to finding another perspective for countering the obvious bad vibes of cptsd and, in spite of it, finding a more heartful way to live despite the always rough road.

Discovering cracks that will let the light filter in. This is rarely dramatic, but another small step in a long healing journey. 

[Not Alone]

Pioneer,
I agree with your comments. Beautiful to look at that side of cPTSD.

I'd add: high value on truth and justice.

[Pioneer]

These are really great everyone!  I agree with what you have said, and it is beautiful.

Like Bella said, it can feel really hard to feel those strengths in ourselves, especially during EFs. Please feel free to include strengths that others have already listed if you want to - I think hearing multiple people stating the same strength just adds to the fact that we really do have incredible strengths that come from having CPTSD. And I think sometimes a different description or example can resonate more to a different person.

Bermuda, I'd love to hear that survival story sometime! I really believe that we have some super strengths.

[Pioneer]

I see that we have desires to help other people, especially the vulnerable who just need help with no other motives, as Woodsgnome was saying. I have worked in pretty intensive environments with youth and adults who needed hope and a new way of life. I tended to be naturally really good at it, and it helped me better learn compassion and empathy (areas I had some holes in). I really thrived and it was deeply refreshing and soothing for me to be around those people and to see them grow.

I know we are not always in a place to help other people. I certainly don't feel capable right now of holding an intense job like that right now. But I think that recovery, the desire to function healthily, is an act of compassion to ourselves and ripples out to others, too. So, recovery is a form of helping too - taking care of ourselves.

[Jazzy]

It doesn't come up very often, but in extremely dangerous and life/death situations, I can somehow handle myself really well. Everyone else is in their freeze/flight/flight responses, but something in me changes. It's like "hey everybody, welcome to my world, this is what its always like for me... and now that we're all on the same page, I'm the one with a lot of experience, so I'll get things done."

I have a similar reaction to high amounts of physical pain. A small to moderate amount of pain is not easy for me to handle like anyone, but past a certain point and survival mode kicks in, where I have a lot of experience. I've survived through a lot, and I know I can survive through this too.

[Bermuda]

I second absolutely everything Jazzy has said.

Those words resonate with me better than anything I typed.

[Pioneer]

I also like what you wrote, Jazzy. It sounds like a servant leadership role can spring out in those situations. I have felt that before too.

We have some of the skills to be a safe place for others, in ways some people cannot. I really want to be a safe place for others.

[PhoenixA]

Thank you for starting this thread!!  One of the things I am often asked is would I wish that what happened to me didn't happen, and I have to say yes and no.  Yes because absolutely no one should experience trauma, but no because I don't know if I would be the person I am without the trials that trauma put me through and the things it has taught me - although I have to admit an undetectable underground fort is not in my took kit but I sure wish it was!!  I hope you do share that story sometime Bermuda.

Jazzy that was so well put!  Thank you for that.  I can so relate.

I am going to come back to this thread often :-)