#7 - breaking though

[sanmagic7]

thanks, jazzy.  much appreciated it.  just making it to the next day.   

[sanmagic7]

that about does it for me.  i don't know why i would expect anything different.  my d told me my ex called, wanted to know if he should talk to me, she told him i didn't want anything to do with him, so he told her that he's selling the house, 2 papers are coming in the mail for me to sign.  why would i expect him to give me a heads up?  tell me he was even thinking of selling it?  nope.  consideration for me was never in this deck of cards, why would i expect it would magically appear?

i'm so upset, so disturbed, my d was completely surprised i'd react this way, told me she didn't think i wanted to have anything to do with the house.  that was my house.  he didn't even want it, but i pushed for it so that our girls didn't have to grow up in apts.  narc misogynists don't want anything to do w/ the conventional 'family' man routine, which is also why he did everything he could while the girls were growing up to stay away.  he told both of them he'd checked out of their childhoods. 



that house was where i raised my girls, planted my gardens, my plants, flowers, trees.  he ripped them all out after i'd gone, and i went cuz i didn't think i had the right to insist that he leave w/ D1, because i couldn't live with them anymore.  i've had to leave every single one of my homes, and on top of everything else in these past 6 weeks, it's one more huge surprise loss.  i'm ready to curl up and stop.

i can't do this anymore.

[Hope67]

Dear SanMagic,
I want to send you a hug  and say that I read what you wrote about your ex and this must be very tough to stomach.  I wish there was something I could do - please know that I am thinking of you. 
Hope 

[Three Roses]

Ugh. We shall sit on the floor together and drink tea and watch tennis. You will cry and I will listen and support you. Big hugs aren't enough! So here's a HUUUUUUGE one. 

[Not Alone]

Dear San, even more grief added to the enormous amount of grief you already bear. May I just cry with you over another loss? 

[sanmagic7]

you're all wonderful.   

i'm thinking of sending him an email telling him if he has business w/ me to talk to me, not to my d.  she had to deal with the fallout of this news, not him.  that's pretty usual.  any thoughts?  i don't want to sign any papers till i talk to him and he takes what i have to say and shoves it .....  well, you know.  at any rate, i just don't think this is anything more than a payoff so he doesn't have to listen to what i have to say, how this affects me, what i think.  took the easy way out letting his daughter do his dirty work.   

i'm not in a good space right now, don't know how long it'll take, but i probably won't be responding to people for a bit.  can't get my thoughts down for others.  wish i could, but i'm up to my nose and can barely breathe.

[Blueberry]

You deserve to take care of you first and foremost! 

[sanmagic7]

thanks, blueberry.  i appreciate it

i sent him an email, said i don't want to sign anything till i find out from him what's going on, what everything means, that no matter what, he souldn't be putting my d in the middle of his and my business.  it felt like i was taking back some power, cuz i was ready to zombie thru, sign crap, not care.  but, i do effing care, and eff him!

[Not Alone]

  If it helps. . . can you breathe with me? Inhale 1,2,3,4. . . . exhale 1,2,3,4.. . . .   . . .then a big hug! 

[Jazzy]

Sounds really rough sanmagic. Hope you manage to work through it okay.  All the best!

[owl25]

I'm so sorry this has happened, on top of everything else you've already been having to deal with. How horrible you had to leave your house behind, and then he goes and does this. You do have some power here, if he needs your signature to sell - I wouldn't rush to sign anything until you figure out what you need in this situation. He can wait! Very inconsiderate and very hurtful behaviour on his part, you don't owe him any courtesy around this at all since he clearly hasn't given you any.

No one deserves any of what you're going through.

[Tee]

  San I'm not sure what's  goingOk but you D shouldn't be in the middle. Stand your ground you got this! 

[sanmagic7]

i'd like to reply to everyone individually, but yesterday took a big chunk outta me.  thank you all so much for your support.

short story - i called him, turned into stone on the phone (depersonalization?), said what needed to be said, got the story about the house, and told him in no uncertain terms not to ever put our d in the middle of our business again.  he tried to defend his actions a couple times, i called him out both times, especially that a parent is sposed to protect their kid no matter how old, not put them in distress, and that it was his job, not hers, to deal with any of the fallout such news might have caused from me.

even writing that stirred me up, so i gotta go.  thanks again for all your support.  love you all 

[Tee]

  you did great big hugs San

[Snowdrop]

Well done San.