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Sending hugs. I identify with what you are going through. Keep reading on in the book. It will explain about befriending your parts and having compassion for all of them even the ones you might think of as negative, i.e. angry parts. I found it easier to befriend and comfort the sad parts more than the angry ones but they are hurting as much or more.

It was overwhelming to me as well. I wrote about my parts. I listed them. I gave them 'names' or titles like sad one, fearful one, invisible one, shamed one, etc. But it wasn't until I found my 'going on with normal life' adult self that I could help these parts. I wrote to them as if they were separate from my adult self. That was a new way of thinking to me and has helped my adult self to 'grow up' a bit and be heard. The author mentions that even small things like standing up straight or sitting tall can help to give your parts comfort in that there is a 'big' person there to help.

So please, read on, and use this to help you see yourself with self-compassion. Just the fact that we 'get' this speaks of the horrible things we went through that caused us to become fragmented selves. Always know that you are not alone. We will help each other.

I think it has come at the 'right time' for me - and even though I think I am feeling more 'triggered' lately - as a result of reading it - I am also pacing it and feeling generally ok.

Sorry to hear that you are feeling triggered. You are wise to pace it to your comfort level.

Thank you for being so bold to start this thread. It is such a treat to be going through this book with someone else who gets it and appreciates it, too!

Here is another 'gem' that I found in Chapter 2:
p. 39 "Feeling compassion or protectiveness for younger selves also helps the clients to feel their "big-ness," to appreciate the physical size differences, the adult capabilities and resources, and the greater respect which individuals are accorded as adults and the greater safety it enables them to count on."

This helped me to try and "unearth" my inner adult that I thought I didn't have.

The first pages of the chapter have an insightful description of what happened to us during our traumatic times. The phrases that jumped out at me were "The individual feels braced and strong: the events unfold in slow motion: and icy calm replaces fear..." This might explain why I remember so much in so much detail. I think I had heard it called trauma-brain in a different book, when the world slows down. Can't say that I ever felt strong, though.

p. 35 "For children or victims of domestic violence who endure day-in-day-out conditions of threat or for whom being seen and not heard is the safest adaptation, it is common to see parasympathetic patterns of passivity, slowed thinking, and depression or shame dominating the individual's experience."   

I can really identify with the depression and shame part of this statement.

I really do feel 'hope' about the book - but I find myself going very slowly - i.e. some books I would read very quickly, but this one - I'm finding I read a couple of paragraphs and then do something else, etc.
Hope 

I am thankful you are setting a slow pace for this. I often put too much pressure on myself to do things faster than I am comfortable with. One of my many cptsd symptoms. 

Hi there Hope. I'm considering checking this book out, but I'm hesitating since I have a limited allowance for the books I read and want to choose well. Would you mind if you can tell me why you think it's a good choice?

I hope you don't mind if I answer your question, too. The book helped me because it helped me discover my 'inner adult' which I had thought was absent most of the time. The author describes the 'part' that 'goes on with normal life' like paying bills, going to work, going to appointments, etc. as being our adult self. It took some time for me to accept this and recognize that this is me as an adult because I have always had the gnawing feeling that this part of me was fake. But her book gave me the nudge to explore this idea and to view my wounded 'parts' as separate from my adult self. And my adult  self can offer comfort to my other parts in a way that no one else can because I know what they have been through.

This has helped me in many ways, one is that I have experienced fewer EFs than I used to. Also, when I have an EF, I can usually figure out which part is hurting and I use that knowledge to inform some helpful self-talk.

I know this may not be precisely what the author is promoting. I look forward to hearing what others get out of the book.

"Whobuddy - would you let me know which book it is you are referring to? I am always on the lookout for new perspectives and approaches."
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Gladly, Billy Pilgrim. I like your 'name' btw. The book is called Healing The Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher.

"Even now I've just written that, I get my inner critic telling me - 'shut up' 'stop it' - but thankfully I tend to ride past it, because if I didn't - I'd end up not saying anything, and I think being silenced by the inner critic isn't helpful to me."
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Hope, I am so happy that you know how to shut up your annoying critic! That is so powerful. Concerning my concerns, do not worry. I will tread as cautiously as I need to but I definitely want to be involved in discussions about the book. I am new to sharing much about myself here although I have been a member much longer than most. I am sensing that the time is coming to share my 'story' with more than just my therapist and a few close friends. Sharing our stories helps us heal and helps others, too. This revelation in itself is major progress for me.

 I think I need to keep more of a diary to capture those reflections, because in the depth of night, I feel as if a 'Key has turned' and it's like an 'insight' - but somehow the depth and content has gone when I try to recall it the next day. 
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I feel the same way. I have been working on recovering from my past for over a decade now and this book has been the biggest help to me yet. Saying that, it might be a result of everything I have done so far and this book just came at the right time to be a very helpful next step. I will try to post on the book study thread. Just some things I need to arrange in my head first to get ready for revealing more of myself.

Love the group hug, Billy Pilgrim! Thank you.

I will try to follow the book study, it is difficult ground to write about on a forum, at least for me.

Thanks for reposting this Hope, it really resonated with me.

When I was younger I thought I had no personality at all, so I created different characters and would 'play' them when the situation called for it. I gave them all names, they had different ways of dressing, I even imagined what their faces would look like. It was quite elaborate, to say the least. I think it's what Whobuddy said about "blending" but taken a step or two further. It wasn't DID because I was aware that I was doing it, but thinking back now it's clear I was dissociating a lot.

Even today, I'm still unsure of who I am. Having lived with the trauma for my whole life the line between what's a symptom and what's "me" is virtually non-existent. But I'm working on finding out the difference.

Thanks again, I didn't think to bring this up with my psychologist until now

The word 'resonated' is one of my favorites, too. It is a word I use to try and figure out who I am.

I identify with thinking you didn't have a personality as a child. I was so unwanted and unaccepted in my family, I pretty much did anything I thought they might want me to do trying to get them to like me. One summer when I was about 4, I was a dog so that my sister would play with me.

DecimalRocket, that is an interesting list of questions. Do you think they are useful if the 'parts' aren't fully separate personalities?

The things I talk to my 'parts' about are what they are feeling and then I try to be the adult 'part' and offer comfort and acceptance to them.

Hope67, did you get your book yet? I can't wait to hear what you think about it.

I think the book you ordered was the one I wrote about. I hope you like it. It really meant a lot to me. I have a therapist who doesn't seem to embrace the book's methods but he can see how much it has helped me in living more frequently from my 'adult' part. This is really helping with the therapy in that he is not always having to deal with my wounded parts like before so we can have more effective discussions. His latest assignment for me is to think about what my life would have been like if I had grown up in better circumstances. My first thought is that I wouldn't have all these 'parts' that are wounded and I need to provide comfort and encouragement to all the time.

I look forward to hearing what you think about the book. If you would like I could share some things that the book inspired me to do to identify and sort out my 'parts.'

I am glad you wrote and 'rescued' this thread. I relate to what you are saying very much.

I received a lot of help from the book, Healing fhe Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors by Janina Fisher. She is a therapist who uses a 'parts' model to help people. She discusses the 'switching' way of fragmentation like with Sybil but also the way that I identify with which she calls 'blending' where you don't switch personalities and lose memory of those times but rather you become engulfed in the emotions of that 'part.'

Her book helped me to recognize my adult 'part' which I didn't think I really had. She calls it our 'going on with normal life part' and everyone has this to some extent. It is the part that goes to work, pays bills, goes to dr. appts, etc. So I was able to see that I have that part even though it feels rather fake most of the time. So I have been using that adult part to send comfort and compassion to my wounded parts. This has helped me greatly because I had been feeling so fragmented but I had never really understood it. Therapists said it was just facets of personality but I knew it was more.

So I really recommend this book if you feel like I do about having 'parts'.

This is a good discussion of a topic that many people would not understand. My default is a very frightened 3 year old. I have others but I don't have such a clear impression of the age. Sometimes I just go somewhere in my head - I know not where - and I cannot talk when this happens. And I have a persona that interfaces quite well with the world in which I work. I notice that there are several books about our 'fragmented selves' so I think this is pretty common.

If you have an 'adult' version of yourself that can help, soothe, comfort, console your younger parts that can be very helpful. I have a hard time staying in 'adult' mode long enough to do this but I am working on that.

I don't really have advice for getting past this but maybe my thoughts about why this happens in my life might help. I am realizing that I feel like there is a limit on all things positive and good in my life. The limitation is a belief that it is forbidden to be happier, more successful, or do anything better than my FOO. I am LC with FOO but when I talk to them, I don't like to tell them of anything positive about myself. Somehow they imprinted on me that I am the lesser one, the smaller, weaker one and I must always be that way. Visiting them puts me right back into that childhood dynamic and I have chosen not to do so - at least for now.

Btw, I wish I had a stronger word than 'realize'- it is more like a brick hitting me in the head causing me to wake up to something that has been there all along.

I would like to recommend the book,  Not Trauma Alone by Steven N. Gold. It is written for therapists but I found it very helpful. I can tell it was written with compassion and sensitivity for those who survived prolonged child abuse of any type.  The premise is found in the title. Dr. Gold understands that we struggle with much more than just trying to make sense out of what happened to us. We end up facing life as adults with few or none of the necessary life skills. Our views of people, the world, and relationships are based largely on misperceptions gained in our abusive and/or neglectful families of origin.

Dr. Gold writes: "Personally, I have found it to be a tremendously humbling experience to work with individuals striving to overcome the impediments created by a history of prolonged childhood abuse. My own impression of those clients who have successfully completed contextual therapy is that they are not just functioning adequately, but in many respects are navigating through life in a manner that is exceptional."

The book is filled with hope and the belief that survivors are valuable and worthy individuals.

It is nice to know I am not alone with difficulties upon awakening. When I was a child, I opened my eyes every morning and stayed very still listening for clues as to who was home and what mood they were in so I would know how to proceed. This began at age three.

Routines are good and I often think of them as muscle memory because on bad days I can just observe myself going through the motions of getting ready for work, eating, and packing my lunch and it gets done well enough.

My therapist has me do a breathing exercise with an app called calm.com. It is free. Click on meditate and then breathe. He wants me to rate my anxiety before and after. He says this will help with the overdose of stress chemicals that have been in my body for all these years. If you try this, let me know how it goes for you. It was much worse for me before it got better. My mind went to the dark side a lot. But now after a couple of months, the breathing is a helpful part of my routine.