I have been on a mission to figure out what is wrong with me and to stop the emotional pain for about 15 years now. Discovering Pete Walker's books about CPTSD has helped immensely. I started reading the books 6 months ago. My childhood was sad and lonely. I have been in denial about that for years. I thought what I went through was the same as everyone else and I just wasn't handling it as well. Now I know differently. My current life is a result of survival choices made beginning about age 15. I am a married professional with 2 children, one grandchild, a home, and probably appear pretty normal. It is like living in someone else's life. Inside I work hard to keep the emotional pain to a manageable level, filter what I say and do, and basically imitate what I think of as a normal person. My story differs from most in that there was no one there for me in my childhood. My family isolated us from all relatives, my mother isolated us from our father, and there were no teachers, coaches, or counselors that befriended me. I look forward to learning about the stories of others that have had similar experiences. No one I know has had a background like mine.