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I do understand that some people prefer denial and don't want to accept it. I'm just really heartbroken that my mother who is meant to protect me would do the opposite, use it as an excuse to leave the family and to actually blame me for all of it. Even admitting she knew I had a gun aimed at my face and had been beaten and buried. I'm just shocked at how she could know that and still say I had a great childhood and was a loving mother. I feel like I've been fed BS most my life, made out to be crazy when she's the messed up one.

I don't know what to say or think but I'll do my best to explain it.

Today my mother told me I told child/adolescent mental health counselors that a family member had sexually abused me not long after it happened, however I don't recall doing so and there was no follow up even though it would've been reported, am waiting to get a copy of all the notes from that service. So to a degree she knew something happened to me and now she's telling me counseling isn't going to work to fix my issues I just need to push it down and forget about it, it really looks like she's been trying to cover it all up for years and trying to say I'm making it up, if anything did happen it was my fault. This is kind of a rant but I'm really angry and don't know how to deal with this horrible feeling of betrayal.

*TW CSA*

I feel so alienated and alone lately, I see my therapist weekly but I feel she's the only person who cares or will listen to me. My partner is struggling to support me and is giving me the cold shoulder.

I told my mum what I'm going through about 2weeks ago but other than a message saying we should talk next time she's in the town I live in(she travels a lot) I haven't heard anything from her, I sent her another message 7days ago no reply but I know she's been back here for the past 5days. I'm really heartbroken as I have C-ptsd as a result of sexual abuse from 4 different men, 1 was my brother when I was 12 and I told her this but now it seems she doesn't want to know about it or care about me.

Today I told my partners Nana about what I'm going through and she was really good about it but I still feel this gaping hole from my partner and mother pushing me away. I wish I could tell my dad but his mum(my grandma) and his new wife are both not well and he doesn't cope well with stress at the best of times.

I feel so abandoned and alone right now, I'm also at a grieving stage of my recovery and keep having horrible emotional flashbacks and it's getting really hard to keep going when I feel so isolated and everybody is so unstable, it makes me feel unsafe and I don't know what to do. My partner is putting a lot of pressure on me to get better faster but I know I shouldn't push myself especially when I feel so insecure.
What do I do?
Is there anyway to ease this pain?
       

Hi Sceal, I'm just trying to get him to talk to me in general at the moment, currently he is unsure if he wants to be in a relationship with me. I know he's dealing with his own * right now too, but he won't talk to me about anything because he thinks he's making it easier for me. I'm going to try soften him up over the weekend, he's pretty down so I'm guna try find some way to cheer him up, very hard with all his mixed messages, one minute I'm being too self-centered and too selfish focusing on me, next I'm smoothing him too much and need to focus more on me. I'm damned whatever I do. 

Reply #1 sceal
Yes I'm in therapy and I've tried to talk to him about getting some counselling for it too but he won't have a bar of it. I know he's hurting and struggling but he won't admit it and thinks I can't handle anything, it's like he's trying to Molly coddle me, I think he has good intentions but doesn't understand that it's really not helpful and won't listen at all. I think you've hit the nail on the head though.

Reply#2 barbidoll
I'm sorry to hear you went through that. My partner isn't really like that he more kinda gets overwhelmed and tries to run but then sees sense. Sadly the kids do see this but they understand that everybody has bad days and don't get very upset about it, our 6 year old tells us off for being silly, we've been through a lot but always tried to stay as stable as possible for them.We tried couples counseling in the past, didn't go well, only thing we agreed on was that it wasn't working. My partner has very solid walls up and won't let anybody in, I can't get through to him.

Reply#3 kizzie
It's really hard as the rest of the family don't know what I'm going through, it's a complicated delicate situation. My partner doesn't want to know about it, nobody does.

Hi, so I have C-ptsd and I'm doing everything right following all my steps to recovery blah blah blah but ofcourse I have my set backs and really bad days when I feel completely alone and like I'm broken and unfixable. Admittedly I have what I can only explain as massive tantrums. Anyways my partner was at first really supportive of my recovery but over the last couple of weeks he's been saying he no longer wants to be with me but then changes his mind again and again and it's so damn painful, I have no idea how to deal with it I've tried talking to him, writing how I feel, yelling at him, but he just doesn't care or want to hear what I'm saying and it's really triggering me. We have kids and they're starting to see more and more that I'm falling apart and I really don't know what to do anymore, this is destroying not just me but everybody I love. What do I do?