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Thank you all for your support so far, I'm just taking a time out for a while, need to recooperate and adjust to new medication.

Couple things on the board recently that have been upsetting  , and I just need to tune out for a while.

Love and peace to all, take gentle care, as will I and I shall surely return soon.

xx

I keep hurting myself in the heat of the moment recently, especially if I feel trapped, uncontrollably punching, pinching, hair pulling, and I think its me coping with not cutting. I'm feeling really down, I find myself losing the will to keep going recently. I feel like a failure and there is no point in going to the doctors, because I'm probably not going to get better. An increase in medication will probably help, but its just getting so hard to get through the day.  I've reached out to my therapist to let her know before our session tomorrow but I've not had a reply yet so I thought I'd just post, but idk why. I don't know if it helps at the minute. Sorry if I've not used the board correctly.  My therapist mentioned an attachment disorder, could be something intertwined with everything else's. every time I get a step forward I feel like i'm taking steps back. Is it always up and down with therapy, will it always be like this?

Everything just feels grey and sad. 

Morning!

I mentioned in my first post of my Journal my love for gardening and how therapeutic this is for me and I would love to share photos and the goings on in my sanctuary but I don't want it to hamper down my journal and to be fair I'd like to speak to more people who also enjoy gardening and everything that comes with it!

I hope others might like to share as well I look forward to posting a bit more later but I'm having trouble uploading my photo.

I'm looking forward to sharing my projects and ideas   

[A Reminder for the day/week;]

I've been gardening this week and learning more about the environment I live alongside with in our village.

Gardening has been really therapeutic for me and the more I do the more I love, I've also started looking further in to old folk lore and learnt that if you wish to you can tell the bees your secrets, so I've been in my garden most of the weekend, sharing my story and secrets with the Bees in the sunshine. Great listeners whilst they work away, It felt silly at first but I've always been fond of bee's.

I've learnt a lot about how far I've come this weekend and I really want to make sure I remember this, I want to remember the sun, the birds and the richness of my garden sanctuary. I've started meditating and envisioning the garden whenever I'm in times of stress, to try and bring back a balance and remember the peace and clarity of the area. I feel so renewed and feel like I power up when I'm in the garden, like a little eco warrior.

This is the part of recovery I love, my self compassion and self care comes in the form of a trowel, mucky gloves and my watering can. It's funny, I have this idea in my head that as soon as I am outside I start to draw energy from the light and I become the protector of the garden, and no one can claim this area as its free to do its own thing, I'm just there to ensure that the flowers grow and flourish as I do. I like a lot of wildflower and look to ensure that every part of the garden and its ecosystem is not disturbed too much. Tonight I'm planning on making a bug and insect hotel, I'll post a photo of the outcome to the journal and simple steps if anyone is reading and wishes to do the same.

A Reminder for the day/week;
Drink plenty of water in the hot weather and wear whatever you feel comfortable in. Remember how good it feels to watch plants grow and powerful mother nature really is, remember that you are also part of nature and you also have a pool of strength inside of you that you can tap in to when you need. Be kind to yourself.