Topics

Those of you who have read my posts know some background. Those of you who don't will get the gist by reading the story.  Today he spent a large majority of the day talking about his ex. And referring too me as his friend. I want to be more than just his friend. I'm afraid to open that wound again we had this talk on Christmas Day (about 2 months in) that he works slowly and with the recent loved one's death. And that he wasn't sure if he was over his ex. He wasn't relationship ready. So many times tonight I wanted to ask him what would happen if she was no longer a part of his life. And then I really wanted to ask him what would happen if I was no longer part of his life. I want to be respectful of his wishes. At the same time I have things I'm needing and far too often I forget that. Ugh why can't I just tell him this why do I cave and mouse around him. Why am I so afraid he will reject me. If I could just be away from him and not have to see him anymore I'd walk away (although I probably wouldn't). But we share the same circle of friends and dear ones, so it is slightly more complicated. I'm kinda lost here and in for another sleepless night. I promised myself that I'd give it six months but I never clearly stated when that started. I guess I go by when we had the I'm not relationship ready talk. That would also give me time in my new treatment course. To begin working my own stuff out. So do I give it till June or do I buck up my courage and ask him the hard questions? In all honesty I'm probably needing to be further in my therapy before I do that so that I have better coping mechanisms. Help any insight is appreciated!

I told a man I have been getting to know about what happened to me, in brief mind you.  I fully expected him to run and leave me hanging like the others have.  I just figured that the others decided that it was too much for them to handle. Anyway he didn't run he has if anything been more attentive and caring.  I was scared to death, still kinda am, but I'm working on fixing myself so that I can be the best me for me and a better person for him as well. I'm praying that this one sticks around cause I kinda like him.  Does anyone have any kind of experience with this. Where someone stayed instead of leaving?  How did you react?  How should I react?

I'm warning you this may trigger some. I'm new here I have been pouring over the palethera of information on the Internet and finally landed here. I was diagnosed a year and a half ago with PTSD due to the sustained physical and sexual abuse suffered by me in my childhood from the age of 9-13.   I couldn't help but think this isn't just as simple as that. Then I hit on C-PTSD. It fit nearly every single aspect. My eyes felt opened. The need to please everyone, the need to dramatize every little thing to be bigger than it is. The.... The flashbacks when a friend gives you a hug that's just a little to rough. The total disconnect from the memories that you know are there but you block them out because it was easier. Till they creep in when you are at work and someone says something that he used to say. The lack of knowledge of what healthy relationship boundaries are. Everything just fit. I could use the help here as I process. And encouragement as I learn that, THAT is not love that there are other types of intimacy that yield a greater love than something only physical. For too long I thought that was what love was that Ohhh if I give him this then he will love me. I could really use to hear that I am indeed not alone.