The only coping mechanism I had that used to work for any length of time was wearing socks on my hands. Gloves didn't work, it had to be socks. That somehow calmed my fingers and I didn't pull my hair out. Even the impulse and inner pictures of it happening used to go. The major drawback was: there were many important and quite normal tasks / movements during the day which were pretty difficult to carry out when the use of my fingers was obstructed. This salient point was addressed in one of the inpatient places I was in. They forbade wearing socks, they said: you can buy cotton gloves, which I did. But it didn't work, and somehow since the time the Ts in the inpatient place said: "no socks!", the effect of wearing socks on my hands has completely gone.
In the form of therapy there you signed a contract to abstain from all addictive/destructive behaviour and if you breached this, you had to "own up" and discuss what led to the breach. I managed "no socks" and no breach for 3 whole days, which was ginormous but in that time period, I had so much loose energy in my hands and arms I didn't no what to do with it. I felt like I was going crazy because I basically couldn't do anything constructive or creative with my hands. I think it's as if my hands are traumatised / trauma is stuck in my hands. I can do more constructive things with my hands now, but it took a long time to find a form of therapy that would help. Eventually I worked together with an occupational therapist who was willing to be guided by me in trauma-adapted T (you don't say 'trauma-adapted' in English, but I've forgotten what you do say).
Wearing socks on my hands made me think of babies, who sometimes wear mittens without any fingers, because they don't need their fingers. Somehow I felt a bit like a baby in my hands, and it was actually a good feeling. Not that I ever told the Ts about this baby feeling, but I think it shows that their 'interference' was not unfounded.
I know that my method of self-harm isn't fatal but it is very, very deeply ingrained.
In the form of therapy there you signed a contract to abstain from all addictive/destructive behaviour and if you breached this, you had to "own up" and discuss what led to the breach. I managed "no socks" and no breach for 3 whole days, which was ginormous but in that time period, I had so much loose energy in my hands and arms I didn't no what to do with it. I felt like I was going crazy because I basically couldn't do anything constructive or creative with my hands. I think it's as if my hands are traumatised / trauma is stuck in my hands. I can do more constructive things with my hands now, but it took a long time to find a form of therapy that would help. Eventually I worked together with an occupational therapist who was willing to be guided by me in trauma-adapted T (you don't say 'trauma-adapted' in English, but I've forgotten what you do say).
Wearing socks on my hands made me think of babies, who sometimes wear mittens without any fingers, because they don't need their fingers. Somehow I felt a bit like a baby in my hands, and it was actually a good feeling. Not that I ever told the Ts about this baby feeling, but I think it shows that their 'interference' was not unfounded.
I know that my method of self-harm isn't fatal but it is very, very deeply ingrained.