Messages

hi, hazy,

i agree a lot with what radical says.  i think we may have a dominant 'type', but we learn how to do all of them as the situation warrants.

i have had my own problems with arrogance, dismissing what others said, not making eye contact cuz i somehow thought i was better than them.   i was programmed to do that, i know that now.  insight and awareness are the first steps to changing our 'go-to' responses to others. 

it'll take time and work, won't always be clean and clear, you'll sometimes feel messy, but as you continue in recovery (at least, this is how it worked for me), you'll be able to change those programmed patterns of response and set up the ones that fit more with who you really are inside.   it'll happen.  baby steps and patience, especially with yourself.   you'll get to where you need to be.

welcome, calex

i, too, am not a proponent of organized religion for myself, altho i can understand how it can bring comfort, etc., to others.  it just didn't work that way for me, so i made my own way to discover a spirituality that fit for me.  i dipped a toe into a lot of other spiritual agendas from different tribes, peoples, etc., but since i wasn't one of them i soon realized i didn't have the same affinity/history for their perspectives.

so, i've found my own and am happy with it.  i think it's great, hazy, that you found a group of people with whom you can relate.   it is a special kind of feeling to 'belong'.  to my mind, this is all so personal - what works for one might not work for another and vice versa.  i do think spirituality is an important component of recovery, tho.  just my opinion. 

welcome, bazou, glad you found us.

i've found this forum to be ever so helpful in unraveling the twists, turns, and confusions that has been my life.   i was definitely in a state of not knowing what was going on or why.  not only have i gotten a lot of answers here, but a ton of support, validation, caring, and kindness from the wonderful people who are going through their own recovery journeys. 

best to you, always.

no need to worry - it's all good.  do what you can when you can.  we still love you.  big hug!

my heart aches for you, cd.   i was in a position of not getting medications in a timely manner, and i ended up writing a letter to the director of our clinic, the director of the clinic in charge of ours, and the person in charge of the pharmacy at the other clinic (from which our meds were sent).  it was about psych meds, so i did some research and included notations about the possibility of suicide if not receiving meds regularly, etc., and that they would be liable if anything happened to me. 

yes, others were being affected as well, but at the time i was focused on me.  we all benefitted, tho, because after that the monthly allotment of psych meds. came on a regular basis. 

i don't know if that's something you can do, or something similar.  the idea that you can't report this without dire consequences is appalling to me.  i hate that b.s.   i hope you can find a way to get what you need without more harm to you.    wishing you all the best with this. 

dang, contessa!!!  what a buttwipe!  yeah, take your time to process this, but for the nonce (love that word!) keep yourself safe and know that i'm so happy this woman was able to talk to you about this and had the good grace to admit and apologize to you.  breakthrough, indeed!  i'm so glad i saw this - i'm smiling for you right now!  great way to cap the day.  love and hugs, contessa.

hey, magnet, and welcome,

i'll be 70 this year.  i'm going thru a lot of physical issues due to being traumatized and this is where my energy is focused right now.  i've put in a lot of hard work since i discovered the c-ptsd beast, battling it as hard as i've battled to be me all my life. 

the battles have taken their toll.  i do finally feel like i'm the me i've always known was inside, so the battles to maintain that seem smaller and use less energy than before.  now i'm girding my loins for the physical battles, whatever they may entail, which is my new focus. 

as far as my psyche goes, i believe that as long as i stay connected here, i will continue to learn and heal.  it will be more of a path of continuing self-compassion, recognizing my emotions and accepting them as they are, and accepting all parts of me as i am.  i am ready in case something comes up that i hadn't dealt with, and i will be open to that.  so, no, i won't shut the door on continuing recovery.  i will now take it a little easier on myself, tho.  best to you with this, and on your own journey. 

i totally agree with candid - let others feel sorry for the abusers of the world if they so wish.  let them forgive them if they want to.  if it doesn't work for me, then it's not mine to do.  like you said,  rubyfog, you didn't create the abusers, that belongs to someone else. 

your anger is valid and valuable for your health, well-being, and recovery.  we honor that anger here, and celebrate you being able to release it.  ricepen did a great job of an angry rant in support!!  and, i'll just add this to abusers everywhere - BITE ME!!!   big hug to you.

you most certainly did survive, woodsgnome, and, even tho it's messy sometimes, you continue to survive, continue to learn, continue to share here, with us, which allows you to continue to be. 

i believe that as you continue all these important facets of who you are, you will also come to a place where you will be able to see the shame/blame/guilt demons through glasses of a different perspective.  you are making progress, of that there is no doubt.   you will get to where you want to go, step by step.   

yay for you, wife2.  you so deserve a good day!  well done on all counts.  yahoo!

yay for you!  don't you love it when things turn out better than you expected?  i know i do, and i love it for you that this is going that well. 

hey, siren,

sorry it's been so long.  have been tending to myself for a bit.  wanted to answer your question.

i've been away from my 2 main narcs - my ex and my daughter - for a bit over 2 yrs.  while i don't necessarily miss them physically, miss their presence or their abuse, i've kept them alive and well and by my side by obsessing over what i'd like to say to them, trying to either tell them how i really feel, what i saw them do, what it did to me, all that, or what i might be able to say as a way to fix things so that we could still be a family, etc.

i'm still working on the obsessing part, but it's beginning to slack off, or when either of them pop up in my mind, i'm able to shut that down more quickly now.  it takes practice, tho.  i've realized it's been one way to keep that roller coaster ride going inside my head, and i decided i didn't want to do that anymore.  ugh!  so much busyness in my head that needs to be let go of.    taming this beast is definitely a process. 

one step at a time.  if you'd given up, you wouldn't be posting here.   i think i just saw something lovely happen to you.  you go, girl!!!   

such an interesting statement, hurtbeat - i don't know how to adult.

yeah, if we didn't have healthy adult role models, how could we learn that skill?  i guess that as adults, we have the freedom to do whatever we want, tempered by the consequences of the choices we make.  pos. or neg. consequences.  if we make healthy choices, we'll have healthy consequences, stuff like that. 

so, the more pos. choices we make, the more pos. consequences we'll realize.  that's the ideal, isn't it.  the trick is to learn what are and how to make those healthy choices, and to accept that we won't be perfect at it.  but, the more we can attain some sort of balance with how we live, i think, the more we'll live happily.  something like that anyway!

i just heard about someone whose had some terrible bouts of anxiety, including panic attacks, and she told me that one of the best things she learned is to accept her anxiety rather than fighting it.  she knows what it feels like, and just allows it, gives herself options (she sits in the end seat of a theater in case anxiety washes over her and she needs to leave.  no blame, no shame.  it's just something that happens sometimes.  (she'd gone through all the negativity around being anxious, including isolating, not telling anyone, lots of shame, all that neg. crapola).  with the acceptance, she goes with the flow, and has found that it happens less and doesn't last as long.  she also knows that a panic attack lasts about 20 min., knows what it is, how it feels, and breathes through it.  when she told me this, i thought it was rather an innovative way of looking at something that used to stop her from doing all kinds of things she'd done in the past.

good luck with getting to see someone to talk to.  that waiting game can be such a drag.  here's hoping you'll see someone soon.  in the meantime, keep taking care of you as best you can.  big hug.

thanks, candid!  love the little party - that's great.  am grinning right now - it feels good!