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amen to that.  sometimes the effort and energy involved in taking a shower, something that used to be automatic in my life, just feels too dang BIG!  nowadays it's pick and choose what i want to expend energy on, and what i'll let wait for another time.  hooo-wheeee!

thanks for the verbal help, wife#2.  appreciated.   sometimes i get stuck with what to say in those situations.  i often say - i was just teasing, or i didn't mean it like that - but if they can't tell, then i must not have enough 'teasing' tone in my voice or something.  i'll work on it.

back atcha, sisue!

i agree with wife#2 - it's important that you do what's best for you.  your health and recovery are based on self-focus.  when i moved away from all that was making and keeping me sick, that was the first chance i gave myself to actually begin any sort of true healing.  i had to leave my dear daughter behind, which was brutal, but it also gave her a role model for getting away from the madness herself. 

it sounds like your dad is scapegoating your brother, which is never a good thing.  not for him, not for you, and not for the relationship between you two.  can you talk to your brother about this at all?  is he beginning to feel resentment toward you?  getting more information about his perspective may help you make up your mind. 

well, thank you for that, writetolife.  still, i've been misinterpreted quite a bit, people have felt attacked or confused, so i still think it's something i need to tone down.  this was a good reminder that words can hurt because they have a lot of power.

no, i wasn't offended.  i'm just sorry i didn't make myself clearer.  i didn't think you were out of line at all.  it was just your perspective and came from a place within you.  and i thought it brave of you to bring it up.  it was a valid point.

hey, stann,

glad you made it here.  i'm not in the workforce anymore, either, so i can't really help with that.  all i can say is that i'm sending you a big cyber hug, and i hope others will be able to help a bit more.  take care of you.

hi, mindfield, and welcome,

so glad you're here.  i've found this forum to be extremely helpful in making the very connections you're talking about.  there are so many kind, caring, and concerned people here.  it's been a revelation for me.  i hope you're able to become more comfortable here as time goes on. 

i've repeated unhealthy relationships ad nauseum with both men and women.  it hasn't been until i got far enough into recovery, got enough information, and was finally able to 'see' things more clearly that i began to untangle myself from the webs of distress and discomfort.  each move made someone unhappy, outright angry, or attempting to sabotage my attempts at change.  in my case this included a therapist, a 20-year marriage, a 50-yr. friendship, and a daughter.  they all tried to get me to stay, used excuses and manipulations, and basically undermined my progress as best they could.  they made me miserable, rather than feeling uplifted and good about myself. 

the relationships i have now are positive, helpful, and encourage me to be good to me.  what a difference!

i ran away from home when i was 53 to come to mexico to heal.   i ran for my life, yet people were so mad at me even when i explained what was going on.  like i was abandoning them, even tho everyone was an adult.  taking care of yourself is breaking the cycle of abuse you were raised in, were taught to believe in.  of course it feels heartless - you're finally doing what's best for you instead of for everyone else.  you're taking back your heart for yourself, where it truly belongs, and that means it's not available to them to shred anymore.   

hey, sandstone,

i am an emdr therapist, and the best ones are always very careful about the idea of retraumatization.   the dissociation diagnostic tool gives important information to the therapist as far as which direction to proceed in, how slowly to go, and how you might process any uncomfortable memories.  getting to know you and your history, making the assessment as far as how to proceed, and getting a feel for where you're at with adult/inner child strengths and weaknesses are all part of the emdr process. 

your therapist sounds like she's careful and concerned, two very good traits, in my opinion.  since emdr therapy is very client-oriented and focused, your needs will be setting the pace.  your hesitation about looking at inner child work may be something to explore with her.  best to you with this.  i hope you find it helpful.

i'm applauding right along with mftb.  you are so wonderful, wife2, and getting so close.  when you're ready, you'll do what's best for you, because that's, ultimately, what's best for everyone around you.  in your corner, on your side, hangin' right next to you.  your true voice is wonderful to behold.

i read a post where a person said 'i'm as sensitive as i need to be for myself' and i'll never forget that.  i can't tell you how many times i've felt or been told that i'm too sensitive.  now, the thought that i'm just the right amount of sensitive for me is comforting and reassuring.  and, personally, i don't like those 'just kidding' games.  if another person and i are kidding around, we don't need to say that.   we know. 

unfortunately, i have to watch out for that, because i can have a very deadpan delivery, and this just reinforced that it isn't funny, isn't cute or smart to pull out the 'just kidding' card.  so, you've taught me something i needed to learn.  thank you. 

dribbles of realizations are coming in.  i know now that i was angry about what happened, and that i did feel singled out unfairly.  this last just came to me as i wrote it.  this is just so strange.

my little me is more curious than cowering at the moment.  i got some suggestions for dealing with this from the emdr list of which i'm a member - and i also told them about alexithymia, what it can look like in a client, what to be aware of.  several very positive responses for the info.  i'm still wrapping my head around the whole thing.  i got a coloring book and crayons today, just to see what my little me would do, how she would react.  i used to love to color.  i noticed several shoulds about the way i was doing it, which actually surprised me.  it wasn't very much fun with the shoulds in there.  i think, tho, that i'm getting more ammo for this beast.  slowly, so slowly . . .   i really don't want to deal with all this anymore!

i think going thru all this is a mind-full adventure; not always fun, not always exciting in a good way.  my deepest fear is of going insane, losing my mind, and there have been times when i've felt very close to that, which has scared the crapola out of me.  i do believe that as we continue in recovery, our minds keep adjusting to our new information, new realizations, and new thought processes - and sometimes they bring up stuff to our consciousness ideas, visuals, feelings that are uncomfortable because they don't always make sense. 

i'm going thru some of this right now, having weird dreams, feeling strange in my own skin.  i want to believe that this, too, shall pass, as has so much else.  hang tough - i'm hangin' right beside you.