Elpha's new adventure

Elphanigh · July 11, 2018, 01:04:09 AM

It could help a good chunk. I do have some resentment kind of shadowing into the background.. it wasn't a literal ice pick but close enough to make this make sense. Thank you so much for taking the time to look this up for me :big hug:

sanmagic7 · July 11, 2018, 10:15:23 PM

wow, great interpretation, deep blue. now that you mention it, i seem to remember something similar about death symbols. it's about change - something has to die to make room for something newer and better.

el, the idea that you are the one doing the killing could be significant as a possible empowerment perspective. you had so much happen to you as a youngster, this may be her way of taking back the power that was denied her at that time. altho it's a horrible image to bear, what happened to you was even worse. plus, going thru emdr, your mind could be doing some shifting between sessions.

just some thoughts. i'm just sorry you're having these nightmares. they're so distressing as well as frightening. hopefully, they don't repeat, or the time between becomes longer and longer so you don't have to go thru this as often, and eventually they will end.

sending lots of love and hope for better nights' sleep wrapped in a big hug to you, sweetie.

Elphanigh · July 11, 2018, 10:22:07 PM

San that reply could not have been better timed... I have been struggling so much today. I hit my limit and I hit it hard.. almost cried at work multiple times today and i am normally so capable of holding it all together... i need a minute to breathe I just don't know where that moment will come from..

Deep Blue · July 11, 2018, 11:49:58 PM

I'm with you,
My son has been throwing up all evening and I feel exhausted. A tired kid makes me feel tired too.

to you and strength to us both

Elphanigh · July 12, 2018, 02:57:54 PM

Yesterday got really hard. I hit my limit and I hit it hard. Which meant after my last phone meeting at 8pm I broke. Felt everything that has been needed to be felt. The tears from these deaths, my pain of this concussion, some of the horror I feel from my nightmares and memories... then just the sheer exhaustion that has been edging its way into me for days. My tolerance is normally much higher, but with the new job adding stressors and finances being a problem I hit my level before I usually do.

Today is new though. I have encouraging voices and some new perspective. Just going to try to ride on top of those. Let them be something that holds me up in this moment.

sanmagic7 · July 12, 2018, 03:17:41 PM

ems is also with you, holding you up, being beside and within you. that breakdown sounded inevitable, but i'm glad you got thru it. lots of love, sweetie, and a warm, caring hug.

Deep Blue · July 12, 2018, 03:41:49 PM

Sweet Elpha,
Your ability to step back and take a breath is amazing. It's part of the strength I see in you. Knowing your limits and when you are edging up on them is very positive. Much love to you and

Elphanigh · July 12, 2018, 05:17:30 PM

San, I need to get something that reminds me of EMS to sit at work so I can see it all the time. It will help during these rougher times, and even just of tough days in the office. The break down was definitely inevitable but I was still hoping to avoid it. I just pushed my limits too far because I needed to function. Glad I am getting through it and starying over.

Deep blue, my dear I love all of the hugs

Thank you for seeing so kuch strength in me, it serves as a reminder to try to see the same things in myself. Sadly I knew my limit, was very obvious when I hit it, and I was stuck trying to push past it longer than I knew I should. But I am taking a step now and slowing down today to breathe. It took me a long time to get to a point where I would recognize them and be able to slow down enough to do it.

Lots of love to you both. Thank you for being such great support to me

sanmagic7 · July 12, 2018, 10:20:52 PM

i think something tangible like that would be great for you. i have a black rock in my bathroom i see as my grounding stone, and i see it every day, so am reminded daily. but i, too, want to find something for ems cuz i think that will further help me in times i need that warm embrace and comforting enfolding. am going for a walk in the forest in a while - maybe i'll find something there. thanks for that reminder. love and hugs always, sweetie.

Deep Blue · July 12, 2018, 11:51:19 PM

I like San's idea about a rock. I want to do that too.

Elphanigh · July 13, 2018, 12:45:30 AM

I love that idea a lot. I have some healing stones but forget to put there where I can see them. Honestly I moved a month ago and have not fully unpacked... it has gone by so quickly. I need to find all of my grounding stuff.

That walk sounds lovely. I hope you found something for ems

sanmagic7 · July 13, 2018, 01:46:35 AM

i found a small pine cone on my walk for ems that will also go in my bathroom. it seems to be the one place i 'see' things. i've always loved pine cones, their shape and smell, so i think it will work well. if not, i'll find something else, but the idea is now planted, and i'll see this thru. great idea, el, and deep blue, i hope you find a suitable rock for yourself, too. i'm loving this.

Elphanigh · July 13, 2018, 01:50:13 AM

I love that you found a pine cone for it. If thay doesn't work I am certain you will find the right thing for ems

Elphanigh · July 16, 2018, 05:23:18 PM

My anxiety and cptsd symptoms have been going crazy for the last two week... I just got rid of my concussion headaches and am now stuck with a tension headache and nausea.

I have a session tomorrow with my T and really hope that it can help to ground me. I can finally do yoga again but having that stripped away from me was difficult. It is a main coping mechanism for me and I really suffered with a lack. I am hopfeul that with it back I can start to slowly even out. I can't do all of it but I am determined to work my way back.

Just need to get through today and part of tomorrow. I need this visit with my T more than I usually do... just feeling overwhelmed and disoriented all the time

Hope67 · July 16, 2018, 06:29:41 PM

Hi Elpha,
I would like to wish you the best for your session with your T tomorrow - and I'm pleased to hear that your concussion headaches have gone, and hope that you'll get some relief from the tension headache and nausea - as that must be horrible. You're sounding determined to work your way back out, and I'd like to wish you the best -

Hope